Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

What do you do when what your sz says really hurts you?

I love my husband. But we have had a tumultuous relationship. Some his issues, some mine. I left him many times and had issues with my sexuality. I thought he understood. He told me he did. I was very confused for a long time, but in the end I knew I wanted to be with my husband. I thought we had solved all this. But when he went off his meds he was so angry with me leaving him all the time, he threw that all in my face and really ruined what ground we had made. Now I can’t stop thinking about him. He really hurt me, was very accusatory, and threw it all in my face. He’s being really very cruel. I swear sometimes a diagnosis of sz is a license to do whatever the hell you want and don’t care who you hurt.

On cruelty:
I try like hell to remind myself that the person I love is sick, and I try like hell (per Dr Xavier) not to say to him that he IS sick. (I can’t always do this.) I usually take a VERY deep breath, and start the meaningful part of the conversation over again (if there was one).
I like to try and think of ‘stings’ as an attempt on his part to regain control of whatever turmoil is in his mind, however displaced (at me) and remind myself that I will not digress into the provocations.
Sometimes I walk away.
Leave the environment.
Often when I come back, he’s a new person.

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I used to take it personally and get upset as my son is someone I love most in this world but now I know it’s because he is ill.
He also calms down quicker these days than the days before meds .
He’s said some rather awful things but it’s not him it’s the illness .

so right , the best way ! I got it bad today from him , blaming me and cursing me for giving him meds but 10 min later , i believe he felt bad and apologised . Im not going to lie , it was hard but i excepted his frustrations and anger and i let it be , i calmed myself down, lit a cigarette even though i don’t really smoke , i went into thought and sadness and suddenly he called me and sounded completely different and much nicer and i felt a lot better .