Yes… discussions on eggshells. Ugh. A well known communication for me as well. If I can take a statement and make it a question for my son to think about and answer, I do. Usually works out ok. Not always but chances are in the 90th percentile!
Your son sounds like an intelligent human. Maybe he needs some time to process the situation, perhaps he was under a lot of stress, or doesn’t quite know how to communicate something. These are all things that can cause crazy on a so called normal persons life.
Be proud of yourself.
Be proud as a mother that didn’t give up on her son even while standing alone without support.
Be proud to not give up on yourself.
One things for sure… you are not alone here.
Hugs to you. Everything is going to be ok. It has to be.
Thank you @oldladyblue and @MelC for your kind words and encouragement. Fear of my son and fear for him have been so bad, i wonder how much more i can take. This site has helped me feel less alone, even tho i rarely post.
I was shocked when i read of your health troubles oldladyblue, how are you doing?
Hi @penelope_pitstop I understand the fear, it is sort of constant with this illness in particular since when symptoms get bad, they can be very very bad. The better you can keep that fear in your own mind at bay, the better for everyone, in my opinion. It’s a conscious effort to relax, but worth the effort during the quiet times.
@sando and @MelC I would say that women caregivers on here outnumber men by quite a bit. Not sure why. I don’t think anyone is keeping track particularly, and it shouldn’t upset anyone to mention it. When I went to the caregiver research sessions for a new sz drug a few years ago, every one of the participants on the 9 person panel was a woman. All of the researchers involved were women too, except for one man, he was the psychiatrist. I’m glad you are here on the site.
@penelope_pitstop I have completed surgery, chemo, radiation and will soon start hormone suppression therapy, which is the last step of my breast cancer treatment. Right now I have covid though, day 9. Been very rough despite being vaccinated and boosted. Thanks for asking.
@oldladyblue wishing you the best with your treatment. Sorry to hear you have been sick with covid. Glad yr daughter is doing better so you dont have that stress to manage aswell.
I try not to let the fear overcome the relationship with my son. Its hard when he is often so furious and physically imposing. The past when he has talked about killing me gets triggered, he has been actually violent to others, although not me. I have always suspected the time might come when he would cut off all contact. Will have to just wait and see i guess.
I live daily with butcher knife marks in our furniture and walls. It’s been a 2 years, but the still visible signs of my child’s attempts to kill me are visible every day. Sure, we’ve tried to repair and recover. But the damage was deep. And everywhere. Including my suits, shoes, etc.
Facing the threat of death or just physical harm by a loved one can really f u up. I’m in the category. Hanging on day to day with new hope. Yet constant reminders…
I dont know. Im drained too. And been single since son was 4. And am now 60. N o family to help me. Ive had all the bad situations, 9 hospitalizations, 2 times in jail, he tried escaping hospital and hit a nurse with a water bottle, and now is facing court with 3 yr jail sentence. It seems unfair. And people who dont know scitzophrenia, say oh, maybe it’ll be better he is in jail…No, its not a good place for him for 3 years. he had to go 2 weeks, and that was torture and they didnt give medication like they said they would.
Whie being compliant with medication, my son is generally able to be compliant and behaves ok, but every once in a while accuses me of destroying his life with hospitals. He now wont help with chores, I had did before…But I guess I need to hold the line…if he wants something…then I can make him do somethings before we go get it…example some cbd…ok…clean your room and we will go…I have to help him…just like a kid…He had refused medicines mostly for the past 9 years and only been compliant the last 1.5, and of that stopped for 3 months and ended up wanting to kill me and himself. He currently is taking the meds…I dont know if its the fear of going to jail again or what.
Schizophrenia is unfair. Your story is quite similar to mine and that too is unfair.
The police were just here and I was advised to evict him. But I do not understand how to do that as a mom. If he were anyone else I would not think twice and they would be long gone.
Maybe it’s our time as moms to be selfish. I am not sure how to do this. But… apparently its as simple as your son going to jail and me evicting mine.
Oh wow. That feeling breaks my heart. Sorry about recent police visit. So many of those for all of us. Worse is when my other younger children called the police because they were so scared…
Horrible. I’ll admit I don’t see a lot of dads on this forum. But I know we’re out there. Hopefully we haven’t all run away and left our ex-wives dealing with this nightmare.
Obviously tempting for all of us. We go through periods of relative peace and then a trigger - episode and we’re scared again.
I’m intellectually torn between doing what is probably safer versus emotionally drawn to love them through the pain. Sucks ass.
@Sando
Awe. You have younger kiddos too? I am sending you all huge hugs. My son was born symptomatic so I never had anymore babies. He is my one and only and I will not have another after meeting what comes out of me.
Yesterday I triggered him by asking for help closing the windows while rain was coming in. He sure is a badass because he yelled at me to F**k off and called me a bitch probably 50 times before I called the cops. Then proceeded to keep calling me one while they were there and after they left. One more unsuccessful visit! lol
I can handle being blamed for his delusions but this was very unlike him. He was out for blood while wanting me to give him a ride to his martial arts class. This will never be forgotten. It’s hard to believe that was his illness talking and it still hurts the core of my soul.
I am right there with you… totally sucks ass!!!
Oh yeah… my son has never met his father so you probably won’t find that guy on here. But his “father” lived close to me growing up so I knew him pretty well. Unfortunately, they share several unfavorable behaviors. Proof of genetic correlation with the bipolar schizoaffective nightmare.
I am sorry that you have to be here. But… I appreciate you and thank you for being here.
I’m so sorry. It really broke my heart when my wife started laughing at me when I was bawling my eyes out from the abuse, insomnia and loneliness. “You got scared of a little girl” she repetitively said in a mocking tone. Yes I did, Madame. It was hell. The meds have helped a lot, got my baby back.
I think.its.only.medicine to help…first…my son was a well behaved kid…now he has strange peculiar tastes.and actions,related to schz…very picky with food…i just.help.looking fot what he will.eat, its not fun…for instance he.might go a week.where he willonly eat macaroni.or tacos…last week was crayfish at a local.restaruant…with out meds my son violent, tries to kill me…i call 911, hes been in jailed,hospitalized 10 times…im there fighting for him…he hit a nurse tryung to escape.hospital…now going.on a.probation…buy been.consistant for awhile.taking meds…I have to.give to.him
Or get a caregiver.
