If you have a family member with neurobiological disorder (“NBD”, formerly known as mental illness), remember these points:
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You cannot cure a mental disorder for a family member.
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Despite your efforts, symptoms may get worse, or may improve.
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If you feel much resentment, you are giving too much.
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It is as hard for the individual to accept the disorder as it is for other family members.
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Acceptance of the disorder by all concerned may be helpful, but not necessary.
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A delusion will not go away by reasoning and therefore needs no discussion.
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You may learn something about yourself as you learn about a family member’s mental disorder.
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Separate the person from the disorder. Love the person, even if you hate the disorder.
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Separate medication side effects from the disorder/person.
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It is not OK for you to be neglected. You have needs & wants too.
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Your chances of getting mental illness as a sibling or adult child of someone with NBD are 10-14%. If you are older than 30, they are negligible for schizophrenia.
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Your children’s chances are approximately 2-4%, compared to the general population of 1%.
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The illness of a family member is nothing to be ashamed of. Reality is that you may encounter discrimination from an apprehensive public.
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No one is to blame.
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Don’t forget your sense of humor.
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It may be necessary to renegotiate your emotional relationship.
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It may be necessary to revise your expectations.
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Success for each individual may be different.
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Acknowledge the remarkable courage your family member may show dealing with a mental disorder.
20.Your family member is entitled to his own life journey, as you are.
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Survival-oriented response is often to shut down your emotional life. Resist this.
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Inability to talk about feelings may leave you stuck or frozen.
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The family relationships may be in disarray in the confusion around the mental disorder.
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Generally, those closest in sibling order and gender become emotionally enmeshed, while those further out become estranged.
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Grief issues for siblings are about what you had and lost. For adult children the issues are about what you never had.
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After denial, sadness, and anger comes acceptance. The addition of understanding yields compassion.
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The mental illnesses, like other diseases, are a part of the varied fabric of life.
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Shed neurotic suffering and embrace real suffering.
میز فلزی -
The mental illnesses are not on a continuum with mental health. Mental illness is a biological brain disease.
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It is absurd to believe you may correct a physical illness such as diabetes, the schizophrenias, or manic-depression with talk, although addressing social complications may be helpful.
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Symptoms may change over time while the underlying disorder remains.
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The disorder may be periodic, with times of improvement and deterioration, independent of your hopes or actions.
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You should request the diagnosis and its explanation from professionals.
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Schizophrenia may be a class of disorders rather than a single disorder.
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Identical diagnoses does not mean identical causes, courses, or symptoms.
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Strange behavior is symptom of the disorder. Don’t take it personally.
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You have a right to assure your personal safety.
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Don’t shoulder the whole responsibility for your mentally disordered relative.
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You are not a paid professional case worker. Work with them about your concerns.
Maintain your role as the sibling, child, or parent of the individual. Don’t change your role.
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Mental health professionals, family members, & the disordered all have ups and downs when dealing with a mental disorder.
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Forgive yourself and others for mistakes made.
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Mental health professionals have varied degrees of competence.
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If you can’t care for yourself, you can’t care for another.
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You may eventually forgive your member for having MI.
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The needs of the ill person do not necessarily always come first.
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It is important to have boundaries and set clear limits.
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Most modern researchers favor a genetic, biochemical (perhaps interuteral), or viral basis. Each individual case may be one, a combination, or none of the above.
Genetic predisposition may result from a varied single gene or a combination.
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Learn more about mental disorders. Read some of our recommended books like Surviving Schizophrenia: A Family Manual by Dr. E. Fuller Torrey and Overcoming Depression by Dr. Demitris Papolos and J. Papolos.
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From Surviving Schizophrenia: “Schizophrenia randomly selects personality types, and families should remember that persons who were lazy, manipulative, or narcisstic before they got sick are likely to remain so as schizophrenic.” And, “As a general rule, I believe that most persons with schizophrenia do better living somewhere other than home. If a person does live at home, two things are essential–solitude and structure.” And, “In general, treat the ill family member with dignity as a person, albeit with a brain disease.” And, "Make communication brief, concise, clear and unambiguous. صندلی فلزی
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It may be therapeutic to you to help others if you cannot help your family member.
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Recognizing that a person has limited capabilities should not mean that you expect nothing of them.
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Don’t be afraid to ask your family member if he is thinking about hurting himself.
A suicide rate of 10% is based on it happening to real people. Your own relative could be one. Discuss it to avoid it.
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Mental disorders affect more than the afflicted.
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Your conflicted relationship may spill over into your relationships with others. You may unconsciously reenact the conflicted relationship.
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It is natural to experience a cauldron of emotions such as grief, guilt, fear, anger, sadness, hurt, confusion, etc. You, not the ill member, are responsible for your own feelings.
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Eventually you may see the silver lining in the storm clouds: increased awareness, sensitivity, receptivity, compassion, maturity and become less judgmental, self-centered.
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Allow family members to maintain denial of the illness if they need it. Seek out others whom you can talk to.
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You are not alone. Sharing your thoughts and feelings with others in a support group is helpful and enlightening for many.
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The mental disorder of a family member is an emotional trauma for you. You pay a price if you do not receive support and help.
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Support AMI/FAMI and the search for a cure!
