Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I hate family member with schizophrenia


#1

I live with family who has schizophrenia. I have to taken care of them through all stages. Right now I feel crazy . I feel I need support too. I tried therapists but we do not get along. People don’t like my attitude even if they tend to be sadist or nuts too. I spent so much time trying to help the other person but its never appreciated or recognized even if I don’t do a good job, it was a lot of effort. I look a mess and I am bitter about it. There is no one I can talk to since we do not talk about it outside the family.My other family makes it difficult. I can’t be myself and they are always critical. I am always responsible but feel powerless. I feel so angry and get mad easily. I am not as nice as I used to be. I feel like crap.


#2

I’m sorry. This is probably a good place to talk it out.

Someone was saying something on here… The caregivers end up needing care themselves.

SZ can range very broadly in its effect on people. I don’t know what extent of care you have to provide and how far removed from reality your family member is.

Wish I could help more, but I suggest you vent away. People will help you cope with what they can.

General questions like how long have they been sick, are they active at all, can the clothe/feed themselves. Might give us a better idea of what you’re dealing with.

If the person is just emotionally numb and disinterested in life and your trying to get them to be more “human” I get that too and see how it could be frustrating.

Don’t hate them though. It’s not their fault. Good on you for what you’ve already done.


#3

in the beginning they were pretty bad. Throwing things, calling names, violent on and off. Now they are just indifferent and care more about other people. Its been about 17 years. They rarely clean up or do anything. When I ask them to help out with chores, they have more symptoms and attitude. They say they care about me but they say their illness is preventing them.


#4

Hmmm… That’s a long time.

At least it does seem you can communicate with them? If that’s the case you could explain your needs to them more fully.

They shouldn’t get a free pass from doing chores. After 17 years I think you can be a little more pushy about that as well.

I don’t what their SZ is like though.


#5

they do try to help out, but don’t seem able to remember all the time, or they have very few good hours in the day before they need to rest.They do not admit to having schizophrenia and think it is someone controlling them. They are pretty serious case, but on the outside they look fine.
My life is not at its best. I have my own problems, so I am not mentally well either.
I am not in charge of everything so, it’s hard for me to feel in control.


#6

when i talk to them they just walk away or fall asleep. I get more angry and controlling and feel like not a good person.


#7

It’s really odd that they haven’t accepted their illness by now.

The delusions don’t sound to uncommon. What might make them rest is not exhaustion but becoming stressed easily. I certainly avoid stress when I can. For a sz it will ramp of psychoses of any kind.

Still it’s really great that they have people like you in their life. There is always time for them to come around.

It does sound like you could use a break from the situation.


#8

I’d forgive yourself for having natural human reactions. i’d also say that you don’t embrace them either.

For all you’ve done I’d say you are a good person.

We all have bad moments of all kinds. No one is 100% good all the time.


#9

Yes, I guess they are a very serious case. It is hard for me to understand because sometimes I feel like I am not cared about. But, if it just their illness. It’s hard not to take it personally. I am not always a good person. I get so angry, but then feel guilty


#10

Ok thank you. I always want to hear that but never get that. But, I am not well. I feel more sick then they do. People think I have something wrong with me too.


#11

It’s also natural to feel guilt after anger. I’d just focus on acting rationally.

Let your emotions and thoughts do what they will. That’s just noise in the mind.


#12

It is complicated. They help me out too. When they are able to they can be nice, but it is not easy to get their full attention. They go to their own appointments so I don’t have to do that, but sometimes they get into accident easily. They go out fine but at home I feel alone.


#13

Thank you soitgoes. you made me feel peaceful


#14

Any time peaches.

No one should have to deal with mental illness on their own.


#15

no its a bit different than that. but, in the beginning I was all about having rules. I did not understand everything they were going through. Its actually much better than before but its more me needing others to talk to.
I think you must be going through something difficult yourself, but I have not read your posts. Just joined.
Its not about punishing them but I just feel unloved which may seem silly.
If i had praise or something but always an uphill battle.


#16

Hatred against the illness, not hatred against the person(s). :+1:

Everyone is technically lost in a delusion and suffering & miserable in some way, but people with SZ just seem to have it worse or more apparently. As someone with SZ, I always try to savor times with friends or family. It’s rare that we even get to communicate.

Seems like you just need a break. Let the community, such as therapists or psychiatrists, try to handle your family member(s)’ situation. That was the best my family could do for me, let me handle me.


#17

Peaches, try to reach out to your local NAMI affiliate. They are fantastic support.


#18

I understand how difficult supporting a Sz relative becomes when there is no appreciation, no thank you, no nothing. My son is naturally a lazy person and does nothing around the house. I probably enable him by not asking anymore as he complains about it, gets irritated and does a half done job, at best. I also think, “Well, he IS sick”. He went through a stage of not liking or trusting me and used to say I never care about or supported him, although I do everything for him, He doesn’t have a licence so I take him to all of his appointments and basically run around for him. I listen, using all my welfare skills and yet he doesn’t give what I do for him a thought. It makes the supporting so much harder. Maybe if you went away for awhile and your family had to look out for your sister, they might get a clearer picture of how sick your sister is. Try and get support for yourself. This site has been a great support for me.


#19

You have my complete sympathy. Dealing with schizophrenia in others can be an overwhelming and thankless task. People can take care givers for granted. Your family is indebted to you. Try not to take their illness personally, if you can. Maybe you could assertively tell your family that their behavior is draining you.


#20

yeah most of the schizophrenic suffer from the so called ‘schizotypical personality’ which states that youre not really aware of social relationships and are pretty much a loner with few friends and suffer a variety of symptoms. so dont take it too harshly with your son i bet he thinks highly of you even though he might not express it.