I am the oldest of 5. I was diagnosed undifferentiated Sz when I was 17. I’m 29 now.
I have three younger brothers and a kid sister. The kid sis is the youngest sibling and my ever present side kick.
My 17 year old kid sis and the 20 year old youngest brother have been having a very rough relationship lately. He’s been out of rehab for almost a month now and he’s been taking all his anger out on my 17 year old kid sis. He’s trashed her car, made her work life a living hell, left horrid letters on her car, blamed her for all his problems, and knowing she’s anorexic has been making damaging comments about her weight.
My kid sis has been holding tight to her optimism. She’s changed work locations, and schedule as to not come in contact with him any more. She’s ignored him, gently cut family contact with him, simply bowed out of stuff that he was going to be at too. She’s told me NOT to take sides that this is between her and John, and not the whole family vs. one or the other.
Last night was a break in a very odd way. The two of them ended up face to face at a different brothers house last night and it was the weirdest “argument” I’ve seen in a long time. He raged at her again and then swung into… “But I love you, why are leaving?”
Then he got angry at her for leaving and told her to go, just never contact him again, but then didn’t let go of her wrist. It hit me, this is how his relationship with her has always been. John has ALWAYS been this way.
But it’s been hidden under years of alcohol. Now that the alcohol is gone this is coming up again.
We thought the impulsive and reckless behavior was due to the alcohol but that’s gone now and the behavior remains fully in tact. He too has been self-harming “artistically” (meaning, he’s cutting in to himself but doing it in designs of spirals and tribal art) He looses it and rages at the drop of a hat on our sister and then ends up almost in tears on a different brothers door step full of remorse and confusion.
He’s been calling other brothers in a full blown panic that he’s being abandoned by our kid sis, his long time buddy, but then he does stuff that she has to leave or end up very hurt. He has written her over 100 letters in this last month and he calls her all the time. She doesn’t take his calls and I just get rid of the letters he leaves. Which I guess has accidently been adding to his feelings of abandonment and making him more extreme in his reactions.
There he stood in our brother Jack’s house and went from tender and saying he loved her with all his heart in the first part of the conversation to being angry at her distancing herself from him that he hated her with all his soul by the end of the conversation.
This has all the smattering of a bigger problem, but I can’t seem to put my finger on it. Of course He’s not going to get help yet. I’m just trying to get some ideas of what sort of creature we might be dealing with.
After last nights “I love you, I hate you, fine, just go away… don’t leave me!” freak out… It’s time to encourage some professional help. He’s in rehab so he does think he’s getting help.
I told him “You need to talk to someone” He said, “I’ve just started AA, I am talking to someone.” But an AA sponsor is not the same as a professional.
No panic here, people are safe, just asking for ideas while trying to bring in some pro help.