Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Missing My Big Brother


#1

We use to laugh so much.

The last movie we watched together was Mad Max Fury road.
The last time we went out just the two of us we had Kabobs and we took it home to eat separately.

I miss being able to ask him if he wanted to go out to check out an event.
I miss him asking me if I wanted to go somewhere with him.

It use to be us against the world and now it feels like we are enemies. I don’t know him anymore and he doesn’t know me.

I miss being a little sister.


#2

I’m so sorry for your sadness over your brother’s illness. My daughter also grieves for her brother. She feels like she’s lost her “partner in crime”. Her heart aches just like yours.

Hopefully, over time, we’ll all get better at accepting what’s happened to our loved ones. We just have to not let our sadness take over our own lives. I think talking to people helps.


#3

BU93, You are experiencing actual grief from the loss of your brother from before. One of the biggest problems of family members who have close relatives with scz is that their ongoing grief for their loved one is unrecognized by society in general.

We experience true grief for the loss of what our loved ones were before the disorder changed their lives.

Our grief cycles as their disorder cycles. We feel hope (life) during their lighter days and deep grief (death) for the loss all over again when they cycle back on harder days.

Dealing with the life and death cycles is a challenge for all of us. Take care of yourself.


#4

I can totally relate with you.
I too miss my elder sister in this way. She doesn’t want to look at my face now.

Untill 8 months ago, she used to cook for me sometimes, buy me stuff, advocate for me in front of my parents and take care for me.

Now she doesn’t know that she is ill and I had to admit her to the hospital. She thinks I am her enemy and I did this to ruin her career, however I told her that I did this so that she gets her career back.

Whatever he says to you, never take it on your heart. He still cares for you, It’s the disease that is winning and not letting him care for you. I hope he gets well soon.


#5

I understand where you are coming from. Watching my 11 year old daughter struggle has completely changed my relationship with her and I grieve it every day. What helps me is staying focused on the other aspects. We all need to grieve but don’t lose sight of the fact that you are and still can be a little sister, it’s just different now.

For me, as a mother, my role changed from being a role model and educator of her to being an advocate for her. I still teach her but less because she doesn’t have the full abilities to lean how I would teach her. So I find others to help her where I no longer can. The one thing that has not changed is my role of loving her and being there for her. When she’s scared, it’s me she clings to. That core part of our relationship has not changed. Find the core element of your relationship with your brother, whatever it might be and cling to that. Nurture that. Focus on that. You can’t save him or solve this but you can focus on being the little sister he needs now instead of the sister he used to have. Grieve for the loss and then focus forward on what your relationship is and can be. You are still a little sister, it just looks different now.


#6

One of the hardest things is grieving someone who is still alive.


#7

I am sorry. I have 3 children and they to struggle with the new version of their brother.
Over the years we have changed our expectations. There have been periods of time he has refused to talk to us. We let him know that was ok, we are still here for him.
Today he is more inclined to want to be part of the family but in his own way. Big family functions he cannot do. In fact, there is probably more situations he cant do than can, but when he can, it is heartwarming.
Let him know you still love him and will always be his little sister. He might not act like he cares, but he will most likely remember your love.


#8

My daughter misses her brother so much too. He is her little brother and she was just saying the other day how funny and what a wisecracker he was. Now he won t see her, he is paranoid of her.


#9

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your brother. Hang in there. We all miss our loved ones and hope for moments of clarity for them. Maybe soon you will have a good day with him.
I have a son who is also going through some hard times. His two sisters miss him as well. We all love each. We just hope and pray for the best.
Take care, annie


#10

I’m going through the same thing and my heart aces all the time I miss my brother so much he’s in a facility at the moment. It’s been like this for 4 years…