Hi Richardluies, I wish it were that easy, I know how hard it can be to go on caregiving. For people in our situation, there isn’t any one answer that works for everyone. We are taught in NAMI’s Family to Family class that we have to be open to trying lots of ideas. For me personally, the answer that worked was often the one - that upon first review - I liked the least. Good luck on your journey.
2 Likes
Any tips on how to get my daughter to clean up after herself, would be appreciated. She is 33 years old and was diagnosed at 30, but when I look back I think she has had issues her whole life, with mental health. I just didn’t see them or didn’t want to.
She can be very manipulative to get what she want and she knows I hate arguing with her or who ever she is today. Does anyone else find that their child or whom ever will repeat stuff over and over till they get what they want.
Usually with her its spending money on stuff she doesn’t need and two days after she gets it she not interested any more and its just more junk to the house. I lover her so much but some days. I don’t want to go home from work. 
2 Likes
Can you link the desire for spending money with cleaning up after herself? My son would do work for me to earn the money for his yearly trips.
Mike got into selling his no long wanted purchases on eBay - that kept him really busy- and ssi, ssdi and SNAP don’t care about eBay proceeds.
1 Like
Thank you, I really like the eBay idea maybe it would help her get rid of some stuff. The only time I was able to do that was when she was in the hospital. Most of which she never missed when she got out.
1 Like
Im a mum of a 26 year old sufferer and im struggling to have him at home atm.Its very hard to manage.
2 Likes
It is so hard to manage, my son is 29 and never seems to get better. I have gotten better lately about setting boundaries tho. We just have to stay hopeful.
4 Likes
You are obviously a fantastic, loving mother. Give yourself some kudo’s for doing what others will not. I would urge you to continue to push you son to live on his own and seek proper treatment. Always remember, God has a special place in heaven for a mother like you. you love unconditionally. That is not found every day. You do have to take care of yourself first. Otherwise you will not be any good for anything. Please do take it easy on yourself.
2 Likes
Hi , I have a 32 year old son and I’ve well for years with being there for him , however the past 4 years have been so hard. I have become the only one still there to listen to him. He has become more verbal abusive especially when he doesn’t get his way, usually about money. He also accused me and others of raping him. It’s very hard to hear your son accusing me of this. I have major depression also know as bipolar now. So I’ve begun very worn down. I’m at the point I really want to give up on being there for him also. I’m his payee. He doesn’t always take meds regularly except his shot every 3 weeks. I’m just so tired. Family can’t believe I still talk to him after the way he speaks to me and accuses me. NAMI and other support hasn’t helped me.
2 Likes
Hi, I too have a 31 year old son who is ditto to your son. I do have a husband that tries to support our son. Our son lives at home. He has had apartments but they never work out. He too has 0 friends. )<:
We have tried to get our son into a assisted living/group home to no avail because our son is a past drug user and still consumes alcohol. We try to have some kindof a life but it’s hard. If we go away we have to take our son because it’s to precarious to leave him alone at our house. My heart breaks for you as you have no help/support. It’s been a long time since I’ve looked and posted on here. I forgot how therapeutic it can be to know other people are walking in my shoes. Take care. Robin
2 Likes
Hi there, I have an almost 30 year old son who I have taken care of his whole life . He is extremely verbally abusive and was so horrible to take care of, as he was so draining and I was always scared he would physically go after me. He was living in a condo 2 blocks from where I live with my husband, not his father. He always caused me so much anxiety and work as he would not clean up any garbage in his place I would have to go in every week or so and pick up bags of garbage and clean what I could. He would sleep on a bare mattress strewn with wrappers and garbage. I would go in and pick it up and buy a new set of cheap sheets every month and put on his mattress when I did cleanings. This was always very frightening, as he had mood swings and I would get scared when the darkness came out and he would call me a cleaning whore or something abusive and I would quickly leave. Sometimes he would be in a good mood and I would take him out to lunch or errands. He would want alcohol or carry out food constantly, and beg for it, or video games, weed, always something, fact, I started this thread, I felt I couldn’t go on anymore. Anyways, last April 2024 he went off all meds and refused to see his psychiatrist. He was taking Abilify and probably not regularly and it never worked well anyways. He got so bad when off meds, he was stealing from porches and garages in neighborhood, yelling at neighbors and came in my place at the end and hit my husband with a metal stick.. My husband caught his hand and survived with just a small abrasion, did not have to go to ER. After that he walked to golf pro shop and swung at clerk , missed, and stole alcohol from cooler. He was arrested and has been in local jail since mid November. They keep him in isolation due to his behavior, he has a new felony in jail for trying to attack a jail officer. They are not giving him mental illness help in jail and basically let him rot in a isolation cell in psychosis. They don t allow visitors and he has not been outside in fresh air for 6 months. We have hired a lawyer to help get him in mental health court, but not sure if they will accept him as his behavior is so violent. He calls occasionally from jail, as he did today and was so angry at me, saying I run the jail and I molested him as a child and other awful stuff. He said he doesn t have schizophrenia and I have super powers and he hopes I end up in jail, etc, so much stuff I can t remember it, all in a 30 min call from jail.I had begged police for many months before he was arrested to take him to hospital but they refused. Having him in jail is really not a relief, I still worry so much because I know he is not getting help and it is inhumane to keep him in a tiny cell in isolation, and they are not treating his illness. I also worry how bad it will be when he gets out. I feel so awful for him and I try to remember that I can t control this illness. But I always feel I should have done more, but it was impossible to fight this illness, and yes I did all the Nami family to family and went to support groups all he time and still do. I don t know why they can t bring him to the state mental hospital for treatment, but the jail system doesn t work that way. This illness is such a nightmare, no one would believe it if they didn t have to live it. Prayers for all dealing with this and we have to remember we are not alone.
4 Likes
I hear that caregiving while coping with cancer and schizophrenia is incredibly hard. You’re doing an amazing job, and it’s okay to feel drained.
Respite care could help lighten the load. Local care services might offer short-term support if you’re open to it. (I used Guardian Care Angel in the UK, but your area may have similar options.)
Hang in there—you’re not alone. Sending you strength.
1 Like
Yes, it sounds painfully familiar to many caregivers in similar situations. You’re carrying an incredible emotional and physical load, and it’s completely understandable to feel exhausted and suffocated. You’ve done so much for your son, but it’s clear that it’s taking a serious toll on your own well-being. Setting firmer boundaries and protecting your own health is not selfish — it’s necessary. Have you considered looking into supported housing services or long-term case management for him? You deserve support too, and it’s okay to acknowledge that you can’t do this alone forever.
Schizophrenics have zero respect for boundaries. Every time I demanded boundaries from Billy he would get irate. He never, ever budged an inch on this. I was simply not allowed to have boundaries. In his mind I deserved zero respect and consideration. “I’m your brother” would be his constant refrain and by this he meant he could use or abuse me in any way he saw fit.
The ONLY boundaries that were important to Billy were the boundaries he set for himself. Everyone else was on this earth for his convenience and pleasure. My purpose in life was to be his servant, nothing more.
So good luck setting those boundaries.