Yes, that’s hard. I have to say that at one stage my son wouldn’t keep in touch so I couldn’t actually give him money. He really tried to work and be independent but kept running into problems, and whenever he did surface and ask for help, I always gave it. Over the years he did get through a few courses, so he did achieve something. I was absolutely determined that he would not end up homeless, I have to say. I mean, he was aggressive and sometimes violent to me, and I didn’t understand it, but I could still see that he was at base vulnerable, and not coping, and that was why he was aggressive. So I was determined not to give up on him.
So yes, I still help him out financially. I mean he’s not “blagging.” He does need support. But he’s getting more capable and independent step by step now. I pray it continues.
Yes I agree I think ending up no,else’s would probably be the worst thing. It’s just hard this is really wearing us out. My husband is under a lot of pressure at work and had a heart attack a couple of years ago. I worry about the stress of all this on him he is so depressed about it.
My other kids understand his illness, they also have a cousin and an aunt who have it, but they are sick of their brother not taking his meds and disrupting the family. My parents have even banned him from their home until he gets back on meds.
Unfortunately this housing thing is a nightmare there just isn’t much out there. And my son never has the motivation to do much for himself. Even when he is stable I have to push him to do things like pay his rent on time or look for a job. I try to keep all of this off of my family, and work an extra job to pay for his stuff. But it’s getting tiring.
Thanks so much for listening to my rant. It helps to be able to talk to all of you
Yes, the motivation thing was hardest for us, too. Eventually my son started on Risperdal but he kept trying to come off it, so he was either sedated unbearably or getting withdrawal symptoms. Then because of all the things I read on this board, I suggested he should ask his psychiatrist for a different AP. He did, and they put him on Abilify, and it has really had a very positive effect on motivation. Maybe discuss that with your son. Point out that it can take a while to find the right drug or combination of drugs for him, and that if one doesn’t work for him, by working with his medical team he can change until he finds one that does. I think in the beginning, my son thought he had to “do as he was told.” Once he realized that it was a consultation and he had some choice, things improved massively. He’s really assertive with his team and gets on well with them.
Tea42 I also have a son who just recently told me he has not been taking his meds. I told him he can not come around unless he is taking them. I also cut off any money and the only thing I will do for him is to provide his cell phone. I know how hard this is to do. These are our babies and we want to protect them. Sometimes in order to do that we have to let them handle life themselves as much as possible. I agree with BarbieBF the answer is yes.