I am the mother of a 37 year old son who was diagnosed schizophrenic and PTSD. Recently I have become the subject of his delusion. No matter what I say, nothing will shake it. Neither one of us have much of a support system. I am at a loss. I am tired of being the brunt of all of his mental issues. I know they arent his fault, but its hard. He won’t stay on any meds because he says his system is sensitive and he reacts badly to them. This has been a long long road and we are on with no end in sight. I recently found this site and hope that I can gain some insight into how to deal with him without going crazy myself…
I’ve done it before (a good 25 times at least), and I’ll do it again. Specific education in the typical symptoms of schizophrenia + the patterns and characteristics of parental co-dependence is terrifically empowering for family members of sz pts. See
I strongly endorse attending six Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings in a row for the main caretaker of a sz pt to help the caretaker find or develop appropriate and comfortable boundaries to protect them from the verbal onslaught.
One can also look into the many books on co-dependence for sale on amazon.com.
Thanks for replying. It helps to know you are not alone.
It’s normal that you are the subject of his delusions, because you are the closest person to him. When they start to feel bad and don’t understand what’s going wrong, the closest person to them is who will become the target, because that’s the person they hold responsible for what’s happening to them. There is no reasoning with someone in this condition. The last time my husband was hospitalized, he thought that he had to leave me or it would literally kill him. I was of course the cause of his unease. He called me incessantly to discuss why we had to break it off. One day, he called me at least thirty times! I finally turned off my phone, so he called the neighbor to come get me. Sometimes I would point out the weaknesses in his argument, and then he would get this flash of consciousness that something was really wrong, and then break down in tears and anxiety. So I stopped doing that. There are techniques to deal with it, it looks like someone already recommended a good book. Just know you are not alone. We all deal with it.
Thank you sacred. my son tends to get very angry and aggressive if i point out the invalidity of his claim, so i tend to get very quiet instead. unfortunately, that will set him off too. i am very glad i found this site. i have needed a place that i could get rational explanations and help with this. Thank you notmoses. I most definitely will be checking out that book for my kindle. you both have put a little ease into my heart.
I went through a program to help me learn how to handle that sort of situation, not in the US though. But in any case, in order to get out of that nightmare in the long run, he’s eventually going to need to get on meds, or get his own place.
I know. I keep hoping and praying that this is the time that he will stay on them. He has yet to reach “that time”. I hope he will soon so that I can enjoy some of my life… thank you. it has been very nice talking to someone who understands =)
My son is 38-and I am going through the same type of thing with him now. I
ve also read a few codependency books and it has helped. My son is about to get evicted again-but this time for reasons that are not his fault. Luckily, the landlady is working with me. My sister is trying to find a house for him so that no matter what happens, he will have a place to stay. I tend to get the same thing from my son--but so does anyone who is close to him. He actually hinders help. Im also reading some books on PSTD for myself–but it
s hard to find a book about ONGOING trauma! My son has never taken meds voluntarily-dont know if he ever will, but I am trying to move out of his way more and more…
You are not alone **
I don’t believe my son will ever move out unless it’s to a group home. He hasn’t worked in over 15 years. He can’t handle being around people. Anyway. It is what it is and I am doing my best with it. I need to do more research to help myself through this. Thanks for listening. It has helped tremendously to talk.
You know I don’t think it’s really fair to compare family members of the mentally ill to codependence. Some of the techniques for setting limits, and detaching from an unhealthy situation are probably helpful, but really, no one chooses mental illness. No mentally ill person chooses lack of insight. Who doesn’t do every thing they can to help a loved one who is sick and suffering. That’s a normal reflex. I’m not saying don’t read the book, but I just think it’s an unfair label.
His delsuions will unravel themselv. He will come round. Just try to be more easygoing with him. Don’t get stressed or angry. There are other anti psychotics he can take. Maybe olanzapine would suit him.
Sometimes it seems that all we can do is say a prayer to our higher power because prayer to me is like “OK I don’t have a clue what to do”, and praying like this is like opening the door in our minds that lead to finding new solutions to our problems.
I have read a bit about co-dependency and I fit it too a point, but he is my son, not my boyfriend or my husband. It is very hard to take the parenting out of the situation. I have learned to step back and as hard as it may be I have stepped back emotionally from him to protect myself (although this causes huge problems too). I do everything that I can to help but there is only so much I can do. He needs to take some steps too. My only wish is that he would understand that he really does need the meds and there will be one out there that will help him. Sorry. It was a bad morning. I guess I just needed to vent.
I truly hope so. If I feel myself getting upset or stressed, I try to leave the house to calm down. I know that he does not understand this, but its for my sanity and his. thanks for your supporting words. its appreciated.
I truly believe this also. Sometimes it helps.
Sounds like someone who hasn’t had to take pills to survive days on end without worrying about side effects and weight gain. I dare you to try some of these antipsychotic medicines! LOL
I started invega sustenna recently and it’s been nothing but helpful with some weight gain. I think that maybe that combined with other antipsychotics I take I’ll be dialed in for awhile. Maybe he can try a regimen more like mine?
If you inject him with it (invega sustenna), it’ll last a month and then just go back to the nurse every month.
Can’t refuse that, once you agree to receive the injection.
These books were more for me. I can overreact quickly when it comes to my son, and it never helps. He
s more ok then I always think he is, but I have done this with a lot of people. ive been pretty obsessive about my son since this started–I really need to look at myself more.
I think so too, but he refuses all meds.
@neveragain. That is what my son says to me I wish that I had taken some of them so that I could understand how it makes him feel. I can see that it makes him feel miserable. He says he feels like he is being poisoned. I wouldn’t want to feel like that,but it is very hard watching him actually improve a little on a med and then watching him take himself off them because of how it changes him. Right now he only takes Ativan if he starts feeling anxious.
I am glad to hear that your treatment is working for you for now. thanks for the info on the invega!
No probs on invega recommendations,
I take Geodon, invega, serequel to sleep, prazosin nightmare medicine, 150mg Zoloft daily, and gabapentin for anxiety medicine.
My gabapentin is the least effective, but notice how I have a steady dose of other medications to really help.
But my health through all the medicine is deteriorating, I have a lot of physical problems and weight gain issues from stress and just the medication side effects.
Try to be patient with this guy, treat him like a guy not your son for awhile maybe?
I wouldn’t hop on the stick too much for a guy that only pops anxiety pills, that can get addictive and you should call him out on it. That to me is BS for getting better.