Can’t Comprehend

Wow that must be a hard job to do if the owners not found :sob:

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That is exactly how we feel and perceive from our afflicted loved ones!.. there was a time they asked for help but not anymore, they have the resentment looks, facial expressions and body language towards us, sometimes I reach a time I think I’d feel the same if I were them… but I give people ‘the benefit of the doubt’, something I think they are incapable of…

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I give benefit of the doubt daily but when your greeted daily with agression to shut up and leave him alone then i need to respect what hes saying and love from afar .

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I mean/think that the afflicted sick ones cannot think good of us because of their delusions/hallucinations…

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@Love_Hope yes, that is the battle we face: the afflicted person cannot think good of us, because of their delusions/hallucinations. It is a battle for them to see us as friends and not enemies. This does make me sometimes want to quit and ignore my loved one.

@mbheart Yes, I understand how the rest of the family can turn their backs even when they’ve suffered very little in comparison. Her brothers live 7 blocks away and never call or visit or help. I too worry what will happen when I am gone. It is my 62nd birthday on the 17th. I try to take one small step forward at a time and get some planning done.

@Faith1 It is like a knife to watch the peer group of our children grow in life while our loved ones stay locked in an isolated time warp. My daughter’s best friend (they grew up together) had a lovely wedding from the Facebook photos in Sept and although she invited us, I’m sure she was relieved we didn’t come.

@hope If I could give a gift to my daughter it would be slow insight into her illness, but I am afraid of how she would react if she knew how ill she really is. I have come to believe that anosognosia is a protection mechanism for the ill. I have often said to myself that if I saw myself as a delusional/hallucinating/angry person with no way to control it, I would want to die rather than live that way. So maybe it is better they can’t see their own illness if the medications don’t work well or the side effects are so awful? I still am scared of the word schizophrenia, but I became WAY, way more tolerant of my daughter when I learned of anosognosia.

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@Faith1, you are very lucky to have found kind, understanding people in your life. I’m finding that I’m met with prejudice, judgment, fear,and stigma (and some of these are family members).

People can only truly understand when it happens to them. If the shoe was on the other foot, I’m not sure how I’d be or how I’d react to it.

My mom just told me she’s gonna stay a month then wants to leave my afflicted siblings and travel or move elsewhere. I’m visiting and wish to stay few months but I’m already overwhelmed because of my mother’s behavior and decisions, this isn’t the first time she leaves them. She many times asked me to relocate to care for my afflicted siblings but that means I leave my home and my husband who live and work far. But no one else would do it, no one else understands. I don’t feel ok emotionally because of Mom.

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omg @hope I don’t know how you were able to make that final walk with those dogs. I would not have the strength.

I know, its really awful, you do it for the dogs. So many rescuers won’t volunteer at the impound level. Impound floor walkers are often the only chance a dog has to get out of the impound and into a rescue. Animal rescuers are often very soft hearted people. They count on the impound walkers to go in there, see who is in there, evaluate them for behavior issues and get the descriptions and pictures out to the rescues.

One of the best feelings is when you get to tell a dog, “your people are coming for you”. Whether its their original family or the rescuer who works with their breed.

I did it for a couple of years before moving on to being a foster for a Labrador rescue. I switched because there were so many good Labs ending up in the impound I couldn’t get them all out. We still had some fosters here when Jeb moved home after his big episode at work. He was so good with them. He loved dogs. He would even take care of them when we traveled. One day when he was alone here, one of the freshly spayed females opened up her abdomen by licking. All by himself he got her bundled up and to our vet who refused to help the dog because the rescue’s vet had done the spay. Jeb didn’t know where else to go so he just stood there in their waiting room with the dog in his arms until the vet agreed to take care of her.

Every new female we had after that would get rolled over onto her back and her stitches checked several times a day by Jeb. (a happy Jeb story, my support group says I don’t say enough positive things about him)

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I have learned, and am still learning, that this illness can be so complicated and is unique to each person. There are some frequently common themes, but there are also some less common manifestations. Even with families who care very much, there is often denial, especially at first, and always a learning curve in trying to understand the illness. There are resources, but many families have no or very limited knowledge of those resources. Many families are struggling themselves in other life matters and lack the time, education, and/or financial resources to do things like take off work to rescue their loved one, or to get other help for that loved one, or to figure out “the system”. Sometimes, what appears like “turning their backs” on the person with illness is actually a valid attempt to help the person get the help they need in order to avoid being a continued danger to him/herself or to others. It may be in the best interest of the family AND the person with SMI to have boundaries. WE cannot fix everything. There may be times when we have to let go.

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@hope4us, did you read my comments above ? I was NOT referring to someone who my be dangerous to be around or someone who is refusing help. I was talking about the hurt and anguish someone feels when no support is offered either by family members or friends for no other reason than just a complete lack of empathy or interest, (they are somehow able to brush it under the rug as if the situation does not exist. No display of violence or anger from my son towards these people, or any type of refusal or pushing away of these people-in fact he asks about them and says “I guess you really see people’s true colors when things are bad). I’m talking about THESE types of people, yes we all have things going on, but come on, it’s just incomprehensible to ME. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND.

I read in another support group being “too loving and sensitive” is a double edged sword. How true. You feel and see and “understand” too much. This is my son, yes, he has sz, but he’s not stupid or unfeeling. In fact, he’s the most intelligent and perceptive young man I know. It’s just downright hurtful. When a child hurts, a good parent hurts twice as much. Also love that saying, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child”

I also have another strange thought. What if our children aren’t “crazy”, what if they are the more advanced, leagues above the rest of us? What if the rest of the world is crazy and twisted and cruel ?

People need to look around and see things for how they really are. I’m not saying give up hope, yes, there is some good, but for the love of God, stop sugar coating things. It’s not a pretty place, for the most part. And if I never realized this before, I sure realize it now.

One can only speak from ones experiences, and this has been my experience.

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Please accept my apology for offense. I am not on this Forum to say anything hurtful. My comments were not directed at you, nor at anyone in particular. I thought I was simply adding to the discussion. I think I am just now getting to the point of where the rubber hits the road. We have been fortunate to have a lot of caring people who know our son and have been very sympathetic, have listened, and have been encouraging. A couple of his friends have reached out to him. But I don’t know if that will last or turn into anything meaningful and I don’t know how others will react now that it seems our son is getting “better” and can at least communicate (he could not for most of the last 1+ year). The best we can do is offer love and understanding ourselves, and attempt to educate others. That is part of what advocacy is about.

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I use to wonder the same thing. But you get to the point where if you don’t turn your back, you become so damaged yourself that you do more harm than good

@hope4us, please, no need to apologize. I was just trying to convey my own experiences with people who are in my life.

I hope to one day find kind people that I feel comfortable with and people, like myself, who are in a similar circumstance, that I can relate to.

Every situation is different and if I learned anything from all of this, you can’t make people care. It shows with their actions loud and clear. Words have very little meaning to me.

Hoping the best for your son as well as mine and everyone who suffers from this illness as well as people who would give their life for their loved one

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@Olivia1, at least you know you tried, and went down fighting for your loved one. Everyone has a breaking point.

My biggest fear is onset of severe depression and anxiety as I struggle and fight for my son. I would be good for nothing should I fall into that category.

They say mental illness is not contagious, (like catching a cold or the flu), but I’m beginning to wonder…you get so exhausted and burned out, which triggers depression

Thank you. Don’t forget NAMI (Family Support Group and Family-to-Family class), if that is offered in your area! Several of the people I have met there have been a huge help in our journey and the regular sharing helps keeps me grounded!

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I believe that IF they were leagues above the rest of us, they wouldn’t be worse for the experience, but better, more able, more smart about living life. Anyone who won’t work, can’t talk, doesn’t eat, can’t even bathe, is in no way living leagues above me, and I don’t care what they believe about that! :slight_smile:

However, I do agree that the rest of the world (strangers, friends and relatives alike) are sometimes or often-times twisted and cruel to anyone who is different. For the most part, my daughter has been deserted by the rest of the world, and me along with her, as we are both viewed as weird: her for her behavior and me for my support of her.

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@mbheart I take that Sarcosine they say is good for sz and severe depression. I think it has helped with mild depression. It’s like a sweetener so I take it with water or coffee.

@DianeR, I have heard that too. Where do you get it? Is there a certain brand? The pharmacy where I get my sons prescriptions filled has never heard of it and I called other pharmacies too, and they said the same.

Please let me know where you buy it.
Thanks

The number one indicator for recovery in mental illness or substance abuse is Support! Those that have someone that loves them and will stand in the gap to ensure they can walk back toward wellness always fare better than those that don’t. Unfortunately so many with schizophrenia do not have a supportive base on which to bridge their way back to wellness. It’s important to remember that those with this illness can and do get better over time. God can and does change circumstances all of the time.

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