I have been dating a guy in his early thirties for two years who has Schizophrenia. I have strong feelings for him but since day one communication, making plans, going out in public—he has avidly avoided. It feels like he wont move our relationship past the casual phase. The main progress thst has occured is thst he tries to make time to see me when he can and will call me back in one to three days, but he sometimes drops off communication and I have to contact someone who knows him to get a hold of him. It has really been hard, I feel like I am on the outside. I want to be patient, but it feels like he is holding back on progressing the relationship or getting close.
The issues you mentioned ( communication, making plans, going out in public) are very common difficulties for people with sz. It may not improve much no matter how much he loves you. You might need to adjust your expectations. You never know…he could end up surprising you later and exceed your expectations. Best wishes!
Thank you for your advice, on the positive side, I think that with sz even what appears to be small progress are actually wonderful milestones. Also, it is the type of illness that comes with ups and downs. For now I will have to see how things are going, I was able to communicate some relationship goals with him over the weekend, but I think it will take time for him to be ready for any next steps.
My friend described male/female relationships to me this way:
Men think women will never change.
Women think men will change.
Neither is the case.
Hereandhere I can’t agree more!
I once was making dinner in our kitchen while my loved one and his brother sat at the dining room table In what I assumed was pleasant conversation. My loved one and I had been living together for two years and saw each other every day. Always slept in the same bed.
Suddenly his brother called me over to the table to watch something.
My partner was sitting hunched over in the dining room chair watching suspiciously everything, almost like a scared raccoon or rodent. His brother asked him ‘do you know who she is? Why do you think she’s here?’
He couldn’t answer. Shook his head with beady eyes piercing me accusingly.
‘It’s an imposter!’ said my partner that I had lived with for two years.
It’s not uncommon, I am told, for this to be the case with somebody that suffers the illness.
I kissed him on the head, asked if he knew my name, he said nothing, I changed my tone and said ‘hey! Where’d you go?!? (With a smile) and he sat up, smiled, got a glow and life in his his eyes, acknowledged me, my name, where he was etc.
It’s a tough, tough disease. Doesn’t not get better with time. Just consistency and a ton of love and dedication and time on our parts… it sucks.
Sometimes we have good days others are great, often it’s reminding somebody of the basics of fundamentals and feeling like a nag. Sometimes it’s violent (can be extremely violent) and sometimes it’s just plain ridiculous and sometimes it’s that person you fell in love with.
Take care of yourself first. It’s not always worth what in any other civilized and decent society would call abuse…