How much do our schizophrenics loved ones suffer? Obviously, being in a state of paranoia would cause them suffering, but it seems to me that some of the things they do that make us suffer don’t seem to phase them at all. And I know they can have trouble expressing their emotions, but so many things that would cause me suffering (like living in extreme filth) didn’t phase my brother Billy at all.
An incident that gave me insight happened a couple decades ago. Billy was still driving, and he would drive around for hours with no destination. He spaced out all the time and was already established as the worst kind of driver you could possibly imagine; always one violation away from losing his license. He was driving around a crowded North Side neighborhood (lots of traffic always) and he ran a red light. He broadsided a small, flimsy car with a family inside. Everyone was injured inside the car and Billy lost his license for life. There was threat of a lawsuit but it was dropped when it was discovered that Billy was indigent. Anyway, I was terribly distressed by this incident and asked him if he was sorry that his negligence caused injury to children. At that point he blamed ME for the accident (because I didn’t fix the visor!) and he literally couldn’t care less about the fate of the children. What a monster. It really drove it home; Billy had less than zero empathy. I was trying very hard not to hate him, and fighting the urge to just beat the living shit out of him (which I have done before when he screwed up royally).
Another red flag was when Billy was in the nursing home dying. My friend called me at work, shocked that Billy was laying in his own feces and urine. This is nothing new for him and I said “That’s his natural state.” Of course this kind of stuff causes me a lot of distress (although I had learned not to react to Billy’s disgusting filth) but it seems like Billy was never bothered by filth, or being soaked in urine, or having a load of feces in his pants.
So my question is- are they suffering when they pull these bizarre stunts? Are they really not bothered by their stench and filth? I’m trying to understand this.
I think it’s impossible for us to comprehend their separation from actual reality. They can be totally unaware of anything real. Their brains are “broken” to various degrees. There is a whole LOT going on in their reality,
We don’t know what they see, hear or feel. I guess the only way it could be possible for us to understand, we’d have to know what was going on in their brain.
You would think they would be aware of filth, being soaked in urine or having feces in their pants - sadly, they can be totally unaware.
I think they are so self absorbed that they don’t see how scared and worried they make their loved ones feel. With my son it is usually about what he wants from me,he rarely seemed to care if I was tired or busy when he wanted me to buy him something or give him money or cleqn his place. I thought my son was happiest when he was manic off his meds last seven months. He seemed so happy talking out loud to his voices, I would hear him and it was scary to hear. I do think they suffer because people with schizophrenia do have a high suicide rate. I read they mostly commit suicide when they are out of the hospital and medicated. Maybe they are lucid enough then and realize their lives are kind of hopeless, just a thought.
I have often thought this, too. Many of them may somehow sense that it is preferable to be caught up in their paranoid but often exciting alternative reality than confronting a life that they are not equipped to manage.
If my friend were to suddenly gain full insight, I think he would be horrified at the physical wreck that he has become, the extent of the pain he has caused others, and how truly wasted his life has been.
Sadly this brings me
Comfort. My husband was on ect treatments and due to an insurance change hadn’t been on them for about 7 months come October when he woke up one day, told me his parents were dying one day and he wouldn’t be there. Booked a flight and have only heard from him once since, to remove a card from an acct., he’s hyper sexual online and I noticed it started in July, 5 months from his last ect treatment, he was gone three months later, unfortunately his parents keep him as a shut in, instead of nipping it in the bud with treatment so all he has is the internet. - this is what my logical brain tells me, my wife brain tells me he’s been cheating since July, is incredibly gross and creepy and hates me. WHI DO I BELIEVE. this illness is heartbreaking to so many.
This has been incredibly hard on you. You’ve had to deal with things that would push anyone to the edge. But understanding that much of Billy’s behavior was driven by his illness, not malice or apathy can sometimes make it a little easier to let go of anger or resentment. He didn’t choose to be the way he was, and his suffering was likely just as real as yours, even if it didn’t always look the same.