I think it’s a testament to how much you’ve adapted. And changed. And grown. Kudos to you that those things no longer affect you or rock your world. I pray I get to that point. I feel like we’re just scratching the surface, like it’s all just beginning, even though it’s been going on for years.
Today, we went to a salad bar as I know she loves fruits and vegetables. And they had pizza which she also loves. Since I was admitting her to a residential program, I thought she could pig out on some of her favorite things. She got some cold peas (I remember thinking EWWW! at the time) along with some other things like tomatoes, pepperoni, cucumbers, grapes. She ate a pea (she loves them normally, crazy child) and said it tasted gross. Not even thinking about it, I said, “Let me try one.” and popped one in my mouth, completely forgetting peas make me gag. I loathe them. The only thing worse is beets. And so I tried not to gag, tried to chew thoughtfully. And failed. As my daughter erupted in laughter at my face. Which instantly turned red. I couldn’t help laughing too.
Ugh, not sure that experiment worked. BUT at least we found some humor in it. Because she could barely eat anything as everything ended up tasting rotten. Even her Fanta drink, which she loves, tasted rotten. She did manage to eat some brownie before that started tasting bad too.
I hate this illness. It’s evil. And every day it breaks my heart again. But the moral of the story? Try to remember to laugh. Because sometimes it really is funny. Feet in the canned goods? Funny! Eyes on the tomatoes? Also funny! Do the tomatoes see the potatoes (get it - potatoes grow eyes…)?
Other times it’s to keep from crying. And I’m tired too Squid. Some days more than I think possible. Today’s one of those days. hugs Hope tomorrow is better.
Yes! Mine is a paranoid schitzophrenic fiance. He will make mixtures of weed, rice milk, rubbing alcohol and he thinks he is making this miracle drug called 2cb which will somehow in his mind stabilize his mood…
Maybe you can get some sarcosine into that mixture. They say it helps for some sz and depression. It is a supplement and it sweetens things up a bit (I take in smoothies). I have yet to get any into my paranoid sz. He was making sugar water (I think - as I’ve found glasses of it and sugar on the counter) so he may be open to trying the sarcosine in water. However, being that he thinks I am poisoning him, I don’t know if I can talk him into it.
He confided that he “is trying to not eat very much or ask for anything, since (we) have to take care of (him) now for the rest of (his) life and (he) won’t be a burden”.
Dang…that’s heavy.
We talked for awhile about what family means. How he views his role in the family, and what value he sees in that?
I will never think of McD’s and breakfast sandwiches again without recalling this day.
It might also be a good idea to focus on the value of nutrition and the importance of that in maintaining his symptoms. If he doesn’t eat properly, his medication will not properly manage his symptoms. If he maintains his weight and nutrition he will be healthier (and thus less of a “burden” as he sees it). I tend to try and find ways to work from the viewpoint rather than change it.
As for not asking for anything, it’s a gift to be allowed to help another person - you might try helping him to see that as a form of grace - allowing others to help him fulfills the person doing to the helping. When you make someone else feel better, it helps you to feel better.
@Author_Charity_Marie I’m so glad she is in good hands. I know it must be extremely hard for you! Anytime I was away from my son when he was that age was always a challenge. Good thing you/we have this site!