Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Son with Sz avoids me/lives with me - Anyone else?


My son rushes out (or slowly, quietly walks - if he has time) of the room from me and my boyfriend when we are home. Just 4 months ago he was fine to have meals with us. He started avoiding us (whether we are together or solo) after he was told by an organization that helps people with MI get work, that if he wanted to stay at the job they got him, that he needed to try medications. He refused and so was out of work. Since then he pretty much stays in the house or if my boyfriend or I are in the main floor he stays in his room (second floor). If we are upstairs - he will go to the first floor where the kitchen is but when he hears us coming down he will sneek out of the room and go up to his room. We have a circular layout. I believe he just wants to have a quiet place without anyone talking to him (even saying Hi has stressed him out in the past). It’s either that or that he is hearing things and thinks we are playing tricks on him. He came downstairs about a month ago acting odd and asked me if we were messing with him. Have any of you experienced this - that they just want to be completely alone.


My son does that too. It seems to be because he wants privacy while he interacts with the voices. He will even say hes busy when he’s doing absolutely nothing except for reacting to them.


For my son, it was a combination of both. Initially, the presence of people would trigger my son to hear voices. He would leave the room to get away from us saying rude things - even though we weren’t. Sometimes he would leave the room to speak to his voices in private.

My son’s doctor only treats those with severe mental illness. Recently he told me that I needed to remember how traumatic just a little bit of noise can be to people with scz at struggling moments.


Thank you @Streetshark1972. It’s good to know that others have experienced this as well. I’m not even sure he is talking to voices or hearing them. Now that I have the tools the next time he asks if we are messing with him, I can ask him what is going on and try to find out. He also claims he is busy - doing nothing that I can see.


Thanks @hope. That is very good to consider. He just wants it very peaceful. I think noises are ok as the TV and music. Perhaps there are other audio hallucinations going on but I’ve yet to determine that it is ongoing. It definitely has occured this last year even the past month. Hard to tell when he won’t let us be around him.


Has anyone tried writing a note saying something like - Would love to join you in a tv show? etc.


or if that’s too much stimulation - I’m making tea, would love to share a cup in the kitchen. Any interest?


Purchase one of these:


@presence I text, write notes, ask him to join me for lunch etc - no interest. At this time it seems the best thing I can do for him is provide plenty of food easy for him to heat up.


@GSSP - I looked at those the last time you posted it. They were sold out. Perhaps I can find a less expensvie model. He’s never had an interest in these model cars. Maybe I’ll get him one for Christmas!



Hi presence,

My son’s doctor has advised that I not text him since I am one of the focuses of his delusions. My son believes I am spying on him. Texts from me probably trigger his paranoia. Does your son have issues like that with you? hope


My son has been, so far, (since then end of the summer) willing to take sarcosine and some other supplements. Probably the haldol shot when released from hospital allowed us time to rebuild trust and a stable strategy.
I make meals and put in supplements as per our agreement, as I see him needing them. he is not on any medications other than ayurvedic (which he is balking at at this point and supplements like sarcozine and L-theanine, vitamins. As i’ve written here before, i make meals, teas, smoothies, and leave them for him to take or not.
Another thing that i think might have helped with our bond is to have pictures up on the living room wall since his summer hospitalization - collage of his childhood pictures. he looks at them often. Some with me, mostly him and sib. He looks at this often, has ideas about them but speaks about these ideas.
I am so sorry DianeR, I keep thinking there is a way to get around this impasse with your son. it’s so painful to experience such a rift and to not really be seen for who we are. This may sound trite but for years during fighting with my son, I worked at holding him in my heart as safe and whole and happy. I guess I subscribe to the idea that our unconscious selves are connected and belief in our loved ones does effect them. Got that from a psychiatrist named Henry Grayson who wrote “Mindful Loving.”


@presence Thank you for reminding me again about sarcosine. I was just at Vitamin Cottage (darn). I know he loves me; he just doesn’t want to be around me. I will pull out the photos again and it’s a good idea to make a collage. I also have tons of his sports and other shirts that he had growing up. I’ve saved them to make a blanket or throw for him. I should pull those out, wash them and show him. I think he’ll appreciate that. I know what you mean by holding him in your heart : ) Thanks for that and the book recommendation.


He may think we are playing tricks on him when he is hearing things. I was texting him daily with a chore to do but he said it was too much. I think I’ll just make a weekly chart so he has a few chores a week. He has told his father that I was poisoning him, but he continues to eat the food I make.


Who really likes getting a text from their mom, anyway? :smirk: I don’t.

I hope that soon you will find a way to communicate.


At Family to Family they told us we could expect our ill family members to be able to handle one chore a day. Over time I have found that sort of thinking to be on the more positive side for my son. I really can’t complain, since he is in his place I don’t know how often he vacuums, but I do know that he does vacuum. What I do have is a project he can do when he “has time”. I save a big outdoor project and he works on it when he feels up to it. He has completed two now, the last one took 2 years, but he got it done. After he did the last one, I waited a month and told him I had another project for him. He didn’t respond. If he runs true to past, some day in the future he will text and ask me about it.

My son went to Cognitive Behavior Therapy just to be able to grocery shop after he became convinced I was medicating him through his groceries. Initiated it all on his own. So while its good he can now grocery shop again, its because the delusions are becoming stronger.


@hope Thank you that is good to know. He’s been emptying the dishwasher without asking, however, he was doing one a day in the Summer when I would text him and ask him. Then he told me the texting was too much. I think I’ll start with a note for him to start vacumming once a week. Would your son be open to Chinese Herbs? I told my son it was for his skin condition then I told the doc the real reason. It’s interesting the things they initiate on their own. My son contacted Housing services but I’m sure he doesn’t realize he’ll need to go on disability first.


@Jan - LOL Good point!


At this point in his illness, my son would be leery of anything I suggested. I’m a little worried about getting him to cooperate with the next round of disability qualifications. Of course sometimes I worry and he does just fine when the time comes. He will be much more concerned about signing a paper saying his doctor can release information than he was 3 years ago.