FaIth in God for my Daughter

Family
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What bittersweet allotment given me,
Who’s daughter suffers long in great demise.
What is this dark and monstrous entity,
That threatens to destroy this child I prize

What grievous horror grips a mother’s heart,
To see her baby slowly ebb away
What helplessness to watch her fall apart
While nothing can be done, but just to pray

None else do I possess, than to rely
Upon the Savior’s breast where pain is soothed
My Lord will surely squelch my grievous cries
And heal what’s been impossible to do

When everything is failed, we look to God
Why we don’t seek Him first? … I find quite odd

12 years ago my beautiful daughter was a fantastic wife and mother of a 4 year old, She was also in college studying to be a social worker. At the age of 22, things changed. She began to talk bizarre and do things that made no sense. She talked about being able to read people’s thoughts and voices were telling her she was a bad person and a pervert. She lost touch with reality and when she disappeared one day, her husband found her walking the streets, confused and out of it.

Since then, we’ve watched her spiral, despite the myriads of medications that did NOTHING for her - but make her sleep, be zombie-like or make no difference at all. Her symptoms break through - whether she’s on meds or not. They also try to prescribe her the same medications she previously took (that did not help), which were given new names. It’s as if our daughter, sister, friend and mother was high-jacked, and someone else took over.
It was if my beautiful, smart and sweet daughter died, and something took over her body. I want her back, I’m praying for a miracle.

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Good poem. It makes me sad for my soul mate, it has to be hard to watch your loved one lose it. I might suffer from sz but she has to watch helplessly as i decend further. Just give your daughter love and support try to help her keep doctor appointments and take meds.

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I can empathize with what you wrote in your poem. We are at the very beginning of the journey with our daughter, and the future seems very uncertain. I’m afraid of what we will lose of her.

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My parents pray for me a lot too. I dont know if it works but it cant hurt. I wish the best for ur daughter to recover. Also there are a lot of meds out there and other forms of treatment. Just know u have options and its not a lost cause and u and ur daughter can fight this its possible

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I not only love my daughter boundlessly and would do anything to help her, but I care about you, too, flame. I care about all the people who suffer in this world. But God cares more. I trust HIM.

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I understand the pain because I have had paranoid schizophrenia for 35 years and my parents had to watch my decline. The beginning was the hardest part. I can offer you hope but I can not guarentee that your daughter will get better but many people with schizophrenia do recover.

When I was 19 I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. The doctors told my parents that I needed to be put in a psyche ward. So they found a nice, clean psyche ward a hundred miles away and put me in there. I deteriorated rapidly. I was there for two weeks and then I was moved into a group home for schizophrenics.

I became extremely psychotic and I went through hell. I spent months sitting alone every day by myself fighting for my sanity. I had no friends, no job, no school, no car, no money, no girlfriend and very little sanity. Every minute of every day was agonizing. I spent a year there and no one could help me.

After a year there I got moved into a locked psychiatric hospital. I stayed there for 8 months, I suffered very much and every day was terrible and frightening. I was not only frightened and paranoid about my fellow patients but I was going through hell in my mind. But after 8 months my parents found a nice group home for me. So I moved in with 7 other residents with various mental disorders like bulimia, clinical depression, bi-polar disease, etc.

After 9 months I got a job. I stayed at the job for 4 years. I moved into semi-independant living. I got a car, I went back to school, I made two or three friends. I started doing fun things. Well, I’m 55 now. I’m looking back on 35 years of being almost steadily employed. I need just four more classes for my degree. I have a nice car. I lived independently until just 5 months ago.

In my last 35 years I have traveled a little, I’ve been to comedy clubs, restaratnts, movies, parties, air shows etc. Like I said, I can’t guerentee how much your daughter may recover but I hope with what I have written that I have given you a ray of hope for your present lives and your future lives. Many people with schizophrenia get better. Many people with schizophrenia, live normal productive lives with jobs or college or becoming independent. But recovery doesn’t happen over night. It takes time.

You and your daughters situation is bleak but I can say one positive thing. My advice to you is to make a search online and look up “schizophrenia prognosis”. You will find some websites that have lists of factors that could foretell a good recovery or foretell a bad recovery. Look at several of these websites and you will see that your daughter has at a least a couple of things going for her that could indicate a good recovery.

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thats an amazing poem you wrote for her, what an honour

your daughter is lucky she has you, and a child/husband which i hope still cares for her,

my story is much different as is everyone elses but with the same theme,

what evil dost cross me,
that bares my heart agrieved,
what evil dost accost me,
where the devil pleased

not as good but its what came to mind,

i was lucky enough to find a med that works well although i still have some problems,

i will pray for you and your daughter and family and hope that you all find peace of mind against this barbarous disease, i will pray for your daughter and especially that they find something that can help her,

God sees what you have written and he knows you havent given up, knows your pain, her pain, i just hope he can answer your prayers, all of our prayers,

i didnt give up and i have been diagnosed since 2003, i have faith in God and this has helped me strengthen my foundation,

idk how people fall away like that though even with the strongest foundation, what can wear away at it so quickly like a light house taken by the sea, its strange. i had to rebuild mine but i found the right med, i pray this for your daughter
in Jesus name, Amen

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77nick,

Thank you for sharing about your personal journey. I can only imagine what challenges you’ve faced. It’s amazing what people go through with this illness. I can see that you have hung on to your life and haven’t given up. What you and others endure is heroic to me. I did notice some interesting news about a new drug. I’m not sure if its available yet. But take a look and if you’re interested, talk to your doctor about it.They won’t allow me to share a link for some reason. But the drug is Sarcosine and I saw the article right here on Schizophrenia.com. The article is called, “Sarcosine Improves Negative and Cognitive Symptoms in Schizophrenia, May Reverse Damage to Brain”. Take a look at it.

God Bless You and you will be in my prayers. Susie

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I like your poem too, and how sweet of you to pray for my daughter. I appreciate that so much, hon. I do see many ways that God has been answering my prayers for her. Sometimes she puts herself at risk and God protects her every time. Once she had a siezure while driving and God sent the right people to help her and didn’t let her get hit by other cars. The siexure was because she ate up her Lorazepam too soon, and had a seizure because of withdrawal from the Lorazepam. I could go on and on, but its been obvious that God is protecting her and keeping her from harm. By the way, I saw an article at the Schizophrenia.com site titled: "
Sarcosine Improves Negative and Cognitive Symptoms in Schizophrenia, May Reverse Damage to Brain
You might wish to look at it. They have a drug they’ve been studying called Sarcosine and it sounds very good (and different in its approach). I don’t know if it is available yet, but you might wish to talk to your doctor and ask about it. Go to the website where we met and look for the article.
Thank you so much for your sweet reply. I will be praying for you. My name is Susie

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Nick, I wrote you back from my email. Your note to me arrived in my email, so I thought I could reply. Spent several minutes writing you. Thank you for sharing, and I appreciate hearing about your life. You are in my prayers. Thank you again. Susie

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The doctors mental clinic she has gone to for 12 years do not seem to care about really helping her. I guess I don’t blame them. Caring isn’t their job. And we cannot force anyone to care. They don’t have to deal with the pain, heartache and frustration that family and friends experience. They just give her one medication after another as if to say “one of these days we might hit on one that works”. I have absolutely NO faith in the medications. In fact, I believe them to be harmful. She has not taken them for about 7 months. Just her Lorazepam. And although she still has Pseudo Bulbar symptoms and has conversations with imaginary people once in awhile, she is becoming more lucid as time goes on, and back to making sense in her conversations. I am attributing this to prayer, because the past two years I’ve done nothing but cry out to the Lord in tears and agony, and even argued with Him that He has to keep His promises in the scriptures. The scripture says of anyone who gives their life to Christ and live for Him, that God will give them “power, love and a SOUND MIND.” My daughter is high IQ and was going to school to become a social worker. She is bright, kind, generous, caring, loves Jesus, knows the scriptures better than I do, Was a wonderful mother. She’s not hostile or violent, but tenderhearted. Yet, this ugly monster called Schizophrenia highjacked her 12 years ago. A year ago or so, she had a psychosis episode that lasted for several months. It was horrible and I cried constantly, begging the Lord to help her. I could hardly handle seeing her in this condition. She even soiled herself in her pants several times. Would walk down the street crying. I don’t think any mom or family member ever gets used to it. My heart goes out to everyone here who deals with this illness. I do finally see things getting better slowly. I’m still holding my breath, but it does seem to be headed in a good direction.

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