Finding Balance


#1

Even when things are hard, stay strong and hold onto the peace within. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, but it takes courage to face the day with everything you’re going through…

I came home to find a dozen pink roses and a birthday cake, and cards and presents from my mom. It’s really meaningful to me because my mom struggles a lot with her inner emotions and it just made me feel like God really is listening because I pray for her a lot. She seems to be doing a lot better even though she’s never been able to or wanted to take pills, it made me feel that even when life seems unbearable or unreal, that people do understand, and that God (who I believe is real) wants what we all want.

I feel like I helped her out of her delusions. Several years ago she was a lot worse. I started listening more to her, and trying to understand things from her even delusional perspectives (fears of people not being who they are etc.). I’ve learned a lot from this illness, even when I don’t know if I’ll ever truly comprehend it. I wish people didn’t have to suffer so much. But I wouldn’t trade a million dollars for my friends and family. I want to wish away this illness. If that could be my birthday wish fulfilled I would. I also wished for peace and longevity for everyone I care about.

Also the cards made me teary-eyed, you are a “shining light” to others was written in the card. And it wasn’t just that she got me all this stuff for my birthday, but that she’s started saying “I love you” when I leave, and it’s been a year that she has been progressively getting happier and saner without medication. I have hope that maybe one day she’ll find it easier not to dwell on her fears and be like she was before. She’s a lot different than she was before she went to jail for a civil rights protest, and that was when she became the most ill due to the stressful environment.

I didn’t do much but being with family made me feel better.