Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Unavailable mother & feeling heavy hearted


#1

hi guys im very new to this site but ive been feeling very heavy hearted today. im 17 and my mom got diagnosed with schizophrenia about two years ago but i remember everything like it was yesterday. she is now on medication to reduce delusions but she gets off of it quite often because she doesnt believe she has a problem. i have gone through so much trauma and feel like i have nobody to talk to, i know a few people in my life would talk to me about it but i dont want to bother them with it. i dont know why god has given me this life but im really struggling yet nobody knows. i just feel so alone and i have so much “hate” for my mom. she not only struggles with schizophrenia but has an addiction to her pain medication for her foot she had surgery on a year ago. i know its not her fault for being sick but she doesnt try to get better and doesnt do anything to have a relationship with me, i dont even talk to her most days. can anyone relate i know im not the only one with issues like this but i still am feeling alone and im hurting alot.


#2

My husband’s mother had schizophrenia, he was so glad to turn 18 and be able to move out. They didn’t even realize scz was the problem, he just thought she was incredibly cruel and heartless all of his childhood.

His mom self medicated with alcohol, making everything worse.

My son has schizophrenia. It is so hard to have a relationship with him. He can barely deal with his own life. He suffers from anosognosia (one of the symptoms) so he doesn’t have any way to believe he is sick. While its not his fault, it still hurts plenty.

I am sorry that your mom is unavailable to you, it is a lonely way to live. I hope you can find people to fill the spaces in your life and make life less painful. Take care, Hope


#3

Have you considered writing/typing in a journal? One way is to just write, don’t think about it. It’s called stream of consciousness. Do it for like 10 minutes or so just to get things out. Then you can delete it, keep it or toss it. It may help just to get your feelings out and you don’t have to talk to anyone in particular. I’m sorry you are going through this.


#4

So sorry for what you are going through, I understand how alone you can feel. My mother was mentally ill with bi polar depression which she medicated herself with alcohol to make matters worse. I never understood about mental illness as a teenager so I was very confused about her behavior. You come across as very intelligent and sensitive and you have to find the courage to reach out to those you know will listen.

Stress is never our friend in this situation so anything you can do to relieve stress in a healthy way has to be at the top of your “to do” list.

I like @DianeR 's journaling idea, I did a LOT of writing and journaling as a teen and it helped me to cope.
With writing you have freedom to express anything you want -anytime you want.

Other outlets, like art, music, yoga, long walks in a park…or amongst nature…anything that will soothe your mind and heart is helpful.

You can even contact NAMI if there is a chapter in your area and they have many resources for all ages. Stay strong and take good care of yourself all along the way. https://www.nami.org/Find-Support/Family-Members-and-Caregivers My best to you!


#5

Yes, hello, I relate very much as my mother had bipolar disorder and was unavailable during most of my childhood and teenage years.

It’s so hard for me to say this because I believe 100% that your mother should be doing this, but since she is not, please please please take as good of care of yourself as possible. Like I said, your mother should be doing this. She should also be protecting you. Please protect yourself from known harms like illicit substances and friend groups that don’t have your best interests at heart. I was unable to do the above and went through some very hard times without realizing that I could even help myself.

Reaching out is important and you are doing that. Find a trusted adult to talk to. Find friends you can have a good and safe time with; they don’t have to know about all of this if you don’t want to tell them, just that your mom is not available and things are hard at home, but that you want to spend time with them and enjoy yourself.

You are a valuable and worthwhile person. When you focus on what you need, you will feel a loss because your mother is not there for you. But try to look towards your own future in a positive way; work towards goals you set for yourself. It’s so hard without a mother’s support.

So, yes, I relate and as an old person, I am trying to give you advice that I wish I had followed when I was young so that I could build a life that makes sense to me and is mine.

I really hope most of all that you find someone trusted and safe to talk to so you know that you are not alone.


#6

Hi I’m so sorry to hear you feel so alone, but I have felt like that and sometimes still do , after 4 years of my son being ill I have finally plucked up the courage to speak to someone about how I feel, it hasn’t been easy since years ago a counsellor told me I was an enabler! I’ve finally realised that I need someone to speak to and be honest about how I feel about my sons illness xx take care and big hugs to you xxx


#7

@rspan,
Just some friendly, caring advice, you need to get to a professional to work out what the next step is for you. With the proper steps, you need to separate from your mom. Find some counseling. When my son was seriously injured, the one thing everyone kept repeating to me was, take care of yourself! We can only do so much and it sounds like you need a break. Do you have an aunt or uncle or family around?
Again, just some thoughts…AnnieNorCal
Edit: I feel for you and completely understand where you are coming from. I’ll save my mom’s story for another time.


#8

If you don’t tell them how you are feeling, they are probably just thinking how ‘well’ you are coping. Please talk to them. You are not ‘bothering’ them. It would be good for you to develop some other relationships to replace the one you should be having with your mother. It’s possible that she will eventually recover but even so, you need help now, and if she doesn’t recover, you will always need a stable older adult to talk to. In my case it’s my son who is ill, but if it were the reverse, I know my sisters would ‘parent’ him - and he’s 32. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. People are usually glad to give it


#9

You have a lot on your plate for being so young. Try to find a support group for others in your situation . You need to have someone to talk to. You need to take care of yourself as well. It isn’t easy. None of us ask to be in this situation but life throws us curves. Keep posting and the members here will help you as well.