My son has been using heroin and meth,( I think) it appears he is coming down off these drugs because after vomiting he has been sleeping all day and night. Dealing with his schizophrenia and now drug addiction seems impossible. I want to help him but can’t go on with him in our home and all this going on. I’m so scared and do t want to kick him out on the street, feel hopeless, lost.
It’s okay to kick him out and let him know it’s because he’s using drugs. This is a normal consequence any drug user might experience and it’s because no parent can stand to watch their child harm themselves in this way. It is not because you don’t love him and not because he doesn’t need help. It is not “tough love” to try to change his behavior. At this point, you are trying to save yourself. And if he ever needs you and can accept the support you are able to offer, you will still be there for him.
Thank you so much for the validation and support. I find that I’m constantly questioning myself and my decisions. Working on setting boundaries and enforcing them. I feel like it’s a life or death situation, these are hardcore drugs and before I was so focused on his mental illness but feel that the addiction has superseded his Schizophrenia, which I didn’t think anything could be more distressing/difficult but I was wrong drugs are worse.
Drugs turn a seriously bad situation into a nightmare.
Having to deal with what sounds like intense withdrawal from heroin or meth would be distressing enough for any caregiver. I agree with the others, this is a serious situation and any attempt to try and control his addictive behavior will only leave you depleted. You say you are scared, so some crucial boundarie have been crossed. Try to remember that detachment is not the same as abandonment and your safety needs to come first.
Omg this must be so horrible for you ,I don’t know what I would do in this situation😆
Would call Nami and get advise … so sorry your going through that …
We had a drug-addicted child who we had to kick out of our home at age 17. It was not easy but I believe now (and he agrees) that it saved his life. The only way that we had the strength to do it was from attending Al-Anon meetings for parents. We realized that we were enabling his addiction from these meetings.
Although this was a different child from our child with sz, many parents in the Al-Anon group also had kids with SMI (dual diagnosis). I have found NAMI support groups to be very helpful in helping me to not feel so alone in this journey with our child with sz. Wishing you the best.
Thank you for your understanding and support. To clarify, I’m scared for my son, that he will die. Not really scared for myself.
If possible, go to a NAMI support group and potentially talk to others who have been in a similar situation. I have had numerous people, parents, professionals, and persons with SZ themselves, tell me that the way they (or their loved one) got into treatment and some kind of recovery and eventually to have some quality of life was after they “hit bottom” (typically became homeless or ended up in jail) and then got the help they needed.
My son was arrested/released last night for being under the influence of a controlled substance. I hope this will be the start of getting him some help. I can’t bring myself to kick him out while he’s so sick. I guess I’m part of the problem but I just can’t do it.
I’m so sorry for the pain of this experience. You said your son was released, so where is he now? I’m hoping others with similar experiences will join in this conversation. Were you able to talk to the authorities and ask for mental health intervention or at least advise of his brain disorder?
Thank you for your kindness. He’s at home, he’s a bit bruised and battered so not sure what the police did. I didn’t know he was arrested until today after he was released so I haven’t talked to anyone about the incident.
So scary. I’m glad he’s okay. My son was “kicked out” (of the house) and lived on our property with food and shelter and warmth provided.
Thank you. Glad he’s home too. Is your son doing better now? I find each day is a roller coaster of emotions, behaviors. Exhausting and draining. Love is the only thing keeping us going.
I am so sorry you are facing a drug problem. My kids know that I will not tolerate drugs. I helped one son to get off of them, and the other two children do not have that problem (although one has schz). If you kick your son out, he might die, but if he continues to use heroin under your roof, he might die that way too. Perhaps the jail experience will help him to stop. I hope so.
I’m glad that your son is off drugs. May I ask, when you say they know you will not tolerate drugs, what does that mean exactly? That you will not allow them to live at home if they use? Thank you for your advice, even though it is painful to hear it.
Hi- you are not alone, my son has SZA dx and is an addict- heroine, crack, coke, LSD… we have kicked him out twice…we cannot help them if we are suffering- think of the airplane oxygen mask analogy.
Feel free to read my previous posts … my prayers are with you.
Thank you Tinymama for your words of understanding, support and encouragement and reminder that I’m not alone. I’m sorry that your son is suffering a similar illness and addiction. I know the pain you feel. I really don’t know how to take care of myself, but understand your airplane analogy. The situation is so dire and my son so unfiltered and self destructive that I don’t feel a lot of hope for him right now.
I’m sure the pain is horrible, but I think I would also draw a serious line at using drugs while still living in my household and receiving my support.
How does your son get the drugs? Is he able to afford these from out of his own finances? Or are friends “sharing”?