NAMI support groups and classes are available all across the country via Zoom. If your state doesn’t offer them, check out another State! I live in Georgia…, you can come to mine!
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Thanks Hope - I knew you’d help out here. Good to know NAMI is available on zoom.
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My apologies for delay in response. I truly appreciate you taking the time to respond to my post. I’m struggling to process all of the new information I’ve received over the past few days. I did get the book I’m not sick, I don’t need help. I won’t lie, I find it both helpful and terrifying all at the same time. I’ve not heard from my son in 2 days. The feeling of hopelessness is awful, my stomach is in knots. I’m trying to remain calm… I know I need to remember to take care of myself as well. I have ruled out drugs and to my knowledge there has not been a head injury. I will keep educating myself. I appreciate this forum. Many thanks!
Thank you for sharing your input. I am most grateful for all the wonderful people who are so kind and helpful.
I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing your story. My heart breaks for you and I can completely understand why you are nervous for his release from prison. I’m sure it’s bittersweet. I will say a prayer for you. It’s so much to process that this is going to be a long difficult road. I appreciate all of you!
I don’t even have any words. You are a strong mother. I send you big love.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing more resources with me. Unfortunately, I do know what that means. My daughter was officially diagnosed with bipolar 2 years ago. She is also an addict. I have custody and am raising her 2 year old little boy. I’ve been down a long road with her already. I am also a social worker, which has put me in contact with many helpful resources. I truly hate HIPPA. I’m struggling to accept that two of my children have a serious mental illness. I really did not see this coming with my son. With my daughter, I just thought I was dealing with addiction for 10 years until she was officially diagnosed. I do not have much experience with mental illness. I will get the book you suggested. I want to educate myself and be able to help as much as possible. I appreciate you so much.
The roommate does not know much of anything. This is all fairly new and I’ve not reached out to many people as it turns my son away from me.
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Many thanks for your suggestions and guidance. I do feel lost. I have begun educated myself and will continue to search for resources and knowledge of how to best support him. I’m terrified for him. Thank you for sharing.
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That is so helpful to know. I did check for my state and found that they do not have NIAMI groups. I was disappointed. I was not aware that I could attend virtually. This is so helpful. Thanks again!
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@Mikey oh my gosh, you have a lot going on. I spoke to my therapist about how to deal with not letting my son and his illness consume me (stomach in knots and not knowing what is happening). She (also has. sz loved one that she lives with) told me to evaluate the moment. i.e is everything ok right now. ie. I don’t have a police office at me door or calling me, nor my son calling me saying he’s in the hospital. So right now everything is ok. Don’t even look a few hours ahead. Of course in our case the not knowing is also very unsettling. Does your son need money. You could perhaps offer him some if he will contact you. We’ve used that one which worked. Or cigarettes or something that you could offer that he would want. We’re all here for you.
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So devastating and feel helpless as everything they say is not factual but they truly believe it. I was also the only 1 my unofficially adopted son trusted for many years and then seemed like overnight he was accusing me of all sorts of things, like putting meds in his food, drink, spraying him as he walked by with meds and no matter what I said he insisted I was doing it and that I shouldnt lie about it cuz he knew… UGH… He also accuses me of working with the sheriff dept and FBI and that they are watching him 24/7 and the Dr. has planted a GPS in his ear. I have learned and also read Dr. Amador’s book to not argue with him, just listen and empathize. As the more you argue and try to tell the truth the more my son digs in his heels and insists it is true and then becomes angry and I am frustrated/hurt as it is painful to watch. I wish we had magic wand to change it in an instant as the MI is so cruel that people have to live like that. Keep researching/reading and being there for him but also have learned that strict boundaries are very nec. as with my son, he became very scary and was not sure what he would do next. Please stay safe and God Bless to all the caregivers and loved ones who are going thru this.
I hear you when you say you’re worried and scared. Six years ago my daughter 32 was showing signs of paranoia and very odd behavior/thinking. She moved to our area after being away since college so we noticed a stark difference with her manner of thinking, behaving and feeling… She also became hostile to her father and I, even though she and I were close before. Her behavior was very hurtful at times and she became violent if frustrated. We learned not to take anything she said personally. Difficult at best. She also did not think anything was wrong with her.
The last 6 years was an education on navigating the mental health system trying to find help. It is a process. She only started to seek help when I truly listened to her and found out how terrified and vulnerable she felt. It is difficult for a person who has this illness to accept there is anything wrong with them, I didn’t know at the time that she was also hearing voices. She was having difficulty sleeping so we discussed going to the local mental health facility to help with her insomnia That was only the first step. Eventually, after talking with mental health professionals, she started to have more insight and started taking medication.
Please find a NAMI group in your area. When I was going through this roller coaster with my daughter I found a support group that met every week. They were the life line my husband and I needed. The group was lead by advocates with a wealth of information and family members in various stages of their loved ones illness. We also joined a 12 week NAMI Family to Family education group. After 6 years my daughter is now getting the help she needs. I highly recommend getting the support you also need during this trying time. Mental health issues affect the whole family. My heart goes out to you and i want you to know there is help out there. As we say in NAMI, never give up hope.
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Hi, Sorry to hear about your son, recovery is possible but he needs to have self discipline, self control and give up the pot & cigarettes etc.
I’ve had a history of severe mental illness but managed to get better and no longer take any medication, work part time and enjoy my life with my girlfriend and look forward to the future. If your son would like some ideas on how to get better here’s a link to my short essay
Link: http://media.yoism.org.s3.amazonaws.com/CakeTheory.pdf
Also I have a YouTube Channel where I air my views. Good Luck
This is SO encouraging! Thank you for sharing. I am so thrilled to hear your daughter is getting the help she needs. This, too, has been my similar experience with our son. A difficult and convoluted path to meaningful recovery, but it began with LISTENING using the LEAP approach in the book “I Am Not Sick; I Don’t Need Help”. And oh my, the NAMI Family to Family Class was truly so helpful at a time when we realized we needed to get educated on anything and everything we could possibly learn. FYI, that class is now 8 weeks instead of 12 (presuming it meets once per week). That was our first experience with NAMI. Classes are not always offered in every location so you have to watch for them or get on a list. Many classes are being conducted virtually at present. And all NAMI programs are offered at no cost!!
Thanks to COVID and an increasing acceptance of online services - I’ve been tapping NAMI resources and support groups from around the state and nation. You may be able to benefit from the same.
NAMI folks are quite generous, and I’ve found that there are no barriers when you say, “I have a loved one with a mental health issue–I need help to help them!”
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I wanted to comment on LEAP. I also read the book and while there is nothing wrong with it, there are no solutions either. I came away from it feeling deflated and frustrated. In theory, it is great, but it is not practical unless your loved one is compliant as it sounds like his brother is. If your son/daughter is not willing to acknowledge they need any treatment, it is just a vicious cycle of the same thing. I tell my son frequently that I understand that is how he sees it but I cannot say things that are not true like he was abused or that I am a vampire, etc. I don’t see how that will help anything.
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Hi Trixie12, I hear your concern that LEAP may not be practical if you have a resistant person in your life. I’m about to bring my parents into a LEAP class, and I debate the same things with myself - and I’m writing this post in hopes of encouraging you as much as I am encouraging myself. I ask whether the cost and effort will be worth everyone’s time, or are we deceiving ourselves? My brother is over 50 years old, chronically unemployed, lives an isolated existence in his old room at my parents’ house, is schizotypal in my opinion, and has never been properly diagnosed or treated.
We have gone above and beyond in helping him, but he’s refused treatment, and indeed, he builds up paranoid stories about what would happen if he did go into treatment. Talking to him directly about anything will send him back into his room for days to a month.
I’m not looking to LEAP to “fix” my brother. It’s not a toolset for that. Nor is it a direct path for getting a person to therapy or meds (this will frustrate the hell out of my father).
What I do believe is that the way we are talking to him is pushing him further and further away, and I think he could easily become homeless. Once he leaves the house, I doubt we’d be able to retrieve him. Another person said this on the board recently - LEAP is not a linear process - you go L to E and back again for a good while. The “veteran” members of this board give me hope that LEAP is a process to build trust so that one day, you may be able to get them into treatment, when they are ready and engaged to do so. And in the in-between time before getting therapy, things can at least be better than they are today. We have to lose the agenda when speaking to them…and this includes releasing the pressure of getting them into treatment on your timetable. Even if my parents can just have a civil relationship with my brother, we’d take that as a win at this time.
Also, two other things - it took Amador a while before he arrived at this method, and his brother didn’t immediately turn his life around. I also think this, and I hope it helps - LEAP is not about saying the delusional thoughts are true - you can say things like “If I thought that people were making fun of me when I drove my car to the store, I might not want to drive my car anymore, either”. “So let me make sure I understand you, you think you are a vampire because xyz, is that right?”
I recommend finding a NAMI workshop where you walk through LEAP with other people, if you haven’t done so already. There are some free sessions going on, and you can join in, even if you don’t live there. Doing or observing LEAP workshop exercises helped me understand the importance of techniques that I didn’t really appreciate when I read the book.
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The way I understood LEAP is not that it is a means to an end, the end being the person sees that they are ill and need treatment and get this treatment, but rather a way to communicate to helps prevent excessive frustration and alienation. Even in an episode of intense psychosis and after hospital discharge, when my son was still not really okay (obviously) it helped keep the house relatively peaceful.
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