How does anyone balance time, love, support and attention for the ill loved one with the needs of other family members such as other children? It’s so hard to keep a good balance. The past couple of years since I learned of my sons illness, I’ve been almost consumed with time and attention for him and now the other kids feel left out. That’s not what I want or was trying to do, but it’s so hard…
I was stricken with schizophrenia and bipolar symptoms even as a child - my brother got left out of the mix a bit. My parents were too busy and focused on my needs, and sort of unintentionally gave less attention to my brother, growing up. He is now an adult who still holds on to some powerful emotions for the lack of attention he received as a kid. He resents me and is envious of me because both my parents still focus their time on me - He is trying to understand what has happened but still holds on to envy and hate - He has a lot of emotional problems I think because of this
I didn’t get sick until I was 19. My sisters were two and three years older than me. So it was not a problem. I forget how old your children are.
This is a tough one! I often feel like someone in the family needs me and I’m not available.I definitely try at least every other day to make each person feel special in some way-take time to really listen,to play with them or just one-on-one time at the grocery store.I also try every week to make sure that the things each person needed most from me are done.It gets wild sometimes!I feel exhausted from trying to balance it all.The main thing I’m working on right now is to take care of me because I have been feeling overwhelmed.You are definitely not alone! : )
Since my kids were younger they have not spent much time together as siblings. One with me and one with their dad and/or nana. I have always felt some guilt that the one that isn’t with me doesn’t get much of my time. I have been trying to rectify that lately with my daughter who isn’t with me. However time goes and before I know it it’s been weeks since I talked to her despite my intentions otherwise.
Sorry I don’t have any answers. Maybe try doing a family movie night once a week. Movie, munchies and no MI talk.
Wish I could BarbieBF! I live in Ohio and they live in another state! So difficult! I can understand their feeling this way or left out. Such a complex situation because I’m the one who also feels left out as all of them live in one state together and I am stuck living here where I don’t have any family.So I do the best I can. I travel twice a year to their state to visit and I mean I have to try and juggle visiting everyone of them somehow. I can only go visit when I am on vacation from work here.
Today’s technology can be a blessing and a crutch. However I say use it as best you can to your advantage. My daughter and I interact on Twitter, Facebook and even Instagram (still figuring this one out). It may seem small but a like, a nudge and smile or an heart <3 can go a long way in my opinion. They say hey, I’m paying attention…
**I am afraid it was so hard for me. My youngest feels that C. was my favorite child! My oldest girl doesn
t have anything to do with her brother, but understands. This is what I told both of them:** I have no favorites-if it happened to you, I would do the same thing. I am so sorry that I wasnt able to give you the attention you needed. With no support, I had to do everything myself, and when I had a minute, I had nothing left.
My youngest hasn
t spoken to me in several years. It is so hard-you really need a whole community of support. I feel bad about how all of this came down, but I cant feel guilty because I did the best I could with what I had. If I had known a better way-I would have done it.
That is about all you can do—the best you can
Beautifully put bridgecomet! And so true! I am doing the best I can under the circumstances. I do feel somedays (well most) that I have nothing left too.