Me too. It makes it easier on nights like tonight when she won’t go for a dog walk with me, and wouldn’t let me hug her when I said goodnight. Ah well. The night before still makes me smile…
You can go to your local court house. They can advise you what you will need to do. Most likely you will need to write an affidavit of facts and it would be helpful to get a letter from your child’s doctors and therapist.
I believe it will be file marked and go before a judge.
Hi everyone, This thread is the reason I found schizophrenia.com back when I was searching google about unmedicated schizophrenia. I got support, explanations, suggestions, and comfort. On this particular thread I felt more understood and understanding since I am so far unable to have a long term medicated schizophrenic loved one. I must deal with an unmedicated loved one, and I am hoping this thread can be revived into what it is titled: a conversation place for those with unmedicated family members and what is happening today. The thread seems to have slowed down and changed subjects from the original title and intent.
I would like to be in touch directly on one thread with people who have an unmedicated family member. Why? because…, sigh, there really is no where else
If you have an unmedicated loved one, what is happening today?
Hi @oldladyblue, I would like to see more of “us” using this thread more frequently. Maybe when new folks who have unmedicated family members pop up on the other threads we should suggest they visit this thread? Or, do you think we need a new thread as this one has gotten a bit long and varied? Without Jeb living here anymore, I know I have less to post day to day. We are even renting out his garage apartment these days.
My longterm unmedicated family member did make it back from his yearly walkabout!
Very glad to hear that your son is doing well independently. And that he did his trip and is back. Wow. That is a good accomplishment in my view.
Yes, I think this thread on the back end has lots of good data, especially for someone new to having an unmedicated family member. It probably is a good idea to keep it going.
My daughter wanted to go see a movie today. We went to the dinner type sit down cinema our family has gone to occasionally since 2002. It is usually only 1/3rd full. She only got out of hand once, directing several sentences at a waiter who didn’t understand at all what she meant. Although when we got home she went straight to her room and started loudly talking to voices.
It is relatively quiet, so I’m happy.
I am incredibly impressed that you are were able to go to a dinner cinema with your daughter. I knew someone who put up music studio sound absorbing wall materials up - they do install right over walls.
You would probably be surprised if you realized how many people do follow your days (and nights) with your daughter. Those of us who participate in the forum help so many people that we will never hear from in any form. Sometimes people who read forums and don’t participate are called “lurkers”, there is also the expression" vicarious learners". If it helps them to read our exchanges, that would be great, if it helps them feel less alone - even better.
Those of us with unmedicated adult family members have struggles that include us needing to come to some sort of terms with our lack of success in getting our family members on meds.
I have given some thought about whether to write about my current additional heartbreak in the world of brain disorders. I have not written as the person is undiagnosed with what everyone thought was bipolar. This is not a forum for bipolar. As my husband and I have grown closer to the situation, it appears - from conclusions being made by the ill person’s sibling- that schizo-affective is a more likely diagnosis. Actually the sibling firmly believes its scz, we are all working to sort out the possibilities, schizo-affective is now at the top of the list.
The last few weeks have been very bad for this family. Their family life is held captive by the mother’s brain disorder. Their family patterns for over 15 years have been to appease the mother to avoid “setting her off”. Now her episodes are coming closer together and worsening. Her delusions are so bad that she is spreading rumors about her own husband in the community. (Many people actually believe HE is the problem. When she does an outrageous behavior she quickly tells people she was upset because her husband is “drinking again”) While her siblings are beginning to realize she has a more serious problem than they imagined - they won’t help her husband confront her about needing help. I don’t know if its because they believed her delusions about him for so many years, or, if, like her husband and children, they are afraid of her.
Yes, I might be surprised, at how many others might be following my posts of my home life. If it helps someone to read of my problems, solutions, failures and successes, that makes me smile. As you know, anyone dealing with severe mental illness as a relative or caregiver has way more reasons to frown than to smile. The smiles are worth a fortune to me.
Oh, Hope, I feel badly for the family you are describing. If the mother has been ill for over 15 years, and is delusional about the husband, there is almost no way (in my non-professional opinion based on experience with my daughter’s paranoid delusions) that her husband will be able to get his wife to seek treatment. Someone the wife trusts must try to get her to accept treatment.
My daughter’s delusions about her step father (my husband) went so far as to get a police detective and a mental health program director to visit her several times at home (and visit him and me on separate multiple occasions) to see if there was any validity to her accusations of abuse in public about my husband. She called the police on him any chance she got to report his (non-existent) abuse. Although she communicates with weird ideas about things, she sounds educated and credible at times. Thank God that stopped (the 911 calls) and the investigation ended after the last detective visit when she told me, “There is probably no way I can open this case based on her testimony, knowing she is diagnosed now.” (after her 4th Baker Act). She won’t even let him cook food for the family that she eats, let alone give her advice on seeing a doctor. She still calls him a perv, mind-controller, abuser, etc. in front of other people. He avoids her as much as possible. He has to, or it will set her off. One positive effect of her rants over the years, has been for my husband to stop drinking. He has been 100% sober for months now.
I will have to look into sound studio materials. So you know any specific products? I tried installing better (solid) doors in her room and the hallway, but although it helped, it didn’t help well enough.
This is the same non-professional opinion we have come to as well. You and I know how powerful long standing delusions can be. I am so sorry your daughter’s accusations were taken seriously. So far, no one has shown up to investigate the many complaints my son claims to have filed about my husband and myself. One couple I knew couldn’t have holidays with their family together. The sister with scz had filed so many complaints on her brothers that they refused to be in the same home with her. It was sad, at first the parents believed the sister had actually been assaulted. Its so real to our family members with scz, they do present in the manner of a person who was actually abused.
My friend with all the experience pointed out that the husband acts exactly like a person who is suffering from spousal abuse. The husband takes the blame for everything the wife does. Its like talking to someone who is brainwashed. I talked to the dad yesterday about a recent event between the mom and their 2 year old. He took full blame for the situation even though he had not been home when it occurred.
The friend who put up some kind of large plywood looking “sound board” panels covered them with material to make it look like an upholstered wall. They said they wished they had gone for the more expensive 2" thick foam acoustic panels. Turns out there are sound ratings on such materials. Might be the time to spend more and get the better quality.
I can understand the husband trying to take all the blame for what his wife does. I wonder if someone can try to get him to get some help for himself. Just today, during a well-woman exam, my doctor sat with me for 10 minutes afterward and gently suggested I see the VA women’s clinic psychologist. I’m guessing she could see my own state of mind isn’t great after two years of dealing with psychosis from my daughter and alcoholism from my husband.
@oldladyblue It can be quite eye opening for us when someone sees us and makes an observation about our current state of being.
My SIL saw me in June and pretty much burst out saying that I looked “terrible”. I think her comment played a part in me starting to want to get better at taking care of myself.
Yes, we all need to take better care of ourselves: the stress is very wearing.
After severe isolation the last few days, my daughter came out of her room with a pumpkin she carved as a jack-o-lantern. She told me that she took the candle from the kitchen table to light it. Then she tried to tell me something, couldn’t quite get it out the right way, then simply took the candy bowl outside and sat on the steps and handed out candy to trick or treaters for about 45 minutes. I was shocked, pleased and then began to cry in the living-room while she was outside. The normalcy of those 45 minutes was surreal to me. She then agreed to walk with me around the block, and even asked me if we could go without the dogs: just us two. Oh what a wonderful night, compared to most.
Updated two hours later: The police and an ambulance just left my home. My husband didn’t get arrested, and my daughter didn’t get Baker Acted. They were fighting with each other verbally and pushing and slamming stuff… Geez, from one end of the spectrum to the other in just a few minutes. All it took was for my drunk husband to get mad at me, for my daughter to try and protect me, and for them to go at each other. I hate my life tonight.
I am so sorry those few sweet moments with your daughter ended so terribly! Hold on to knowing that good moments ARE possible! Perhaps there are other issues going on, and not to make an excuse for drunkenness, but you know that family members often respond to grief and hardship in different ways. I hope your husband can get help to respond to life in more healthy ways. Perhaps tomorrow you and your daughter can reflect back on the good parts of tonight, the smiles she brought to the children, your walk together, and celebrate those shared good moments, putting the negative memories aside. You are cared about!
OH NO! I am so sorry, I did not see your update until right now. I was so happy for you and your daughter having such a wonderful Halloween experience.
I have said your line “I hate my life” before, its like your brain steps in to give you a status report.
This is the frequent story of those of us with unmedicated family members. One minute surreal normalcy, the next minute back in hell. And we know both will continue to be our future. We just don’t know when.
So much harder when we have spouses that complicate an already bad situation. I am so sorry.
I feel like I am just one small step away from those of you with unmedicated family members. My son remains delusional, and I feel burdened a lot of the time. I go thru periods of thinking - is this really as good as it gets?
At times like that I pin my hopes on the residual period. Some sources toss around the timeframe “25 years” before residual begins. Would be nice if they would be specific about that 25 years. Do we start counting when he was 14 and there were some mildly “different” behaviors? Do we start counting when the prodromal started? Or worse yet, does the 25 year clock not start until active psychosis? (!)
My knowledgeable friend asked the psychiatrist who specialized in severe mental illnesses and he shrugged. Of course, they don’t know.
Others sources say residual usually occurs in “their 50’s”. In their 50’s!? I’M IN MY 50’S.
Late 50’s but, hey, it still starts with a 50.
@Vallpen - I guess I should be grateful that they don’t start counting the 25 years from when we finally figured out what was going on with Jeb. He’d been hearing voices for 4 years (that we know of) when they spelled it out to us at Family to Family.
@oldladyblue - I was so happy when I read the first part of your post. I’m guessing it’s your daughter who went to the hospital? How is she doing today? Hang in there - this is a rough patch. Hopefully, with a good outcome.
Oh, for cryin’ out loud @oldladyblue! Sometimes it seems like it is our SPOUSES who need to get Baker Acted! Sorry to hear about this dismal ending of what sounded like real progress for your daughter.
Thanks for your kind remarks @hope4us @hope @Vallpen (I’m sorry you feel burdened yourself) and @DianeR . My daughter is fine, no one went to the hospital, the ambulance left empty, no one got arrested, My daughter talked to 4 police in her bathrobe for almost 1/2 hour, way out of the usual for her. My husband was made to go to a friend’s house. Yes, I wanted the police to Marchman Act my husband (like a Baker Act but for substance abuse), but they didn’t. I’m sort of a wreck today, but it will settle out. My daughter was asleep before I was last night, happy he was out of the house. She did ask me if I was considering a divorce now? and petted the dogs (as they were scared) so in the end she was still communicating MUCH more than normal.