Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to cope?


#1

A few weeks ago I had joined this forum and posted a question about ideas on what to get my brother for Christmas?

A few days after, I got a phone call from my mother, that he had taken his life. This tragedy has left our family devastated, I have so many unanswered questions and so many “what if’s” and "why didn’t I?"
Never in a million years would I have pictured this, he was such a happy charismatic kid until he was diagnosed a year ago with paranoid schizophrenia.

Some days I think he’s just on a trip out of town and will come back, other days I force myself to face the harsh reality that he’s not coming back. I go to his room and look through his stuff for something a sign, a clue, just something…anything to give me some kind of peace of mind (he didn’t leave a note). I’m the oldest in the family so I maintain a positive vibe for my mom, younger brother and sister. When they go to bed I go to my brothers room and cry until I can’t anymore. I don’t know what to do, has anyone been through this how did you cope?

Thank you.


#2

I am praying for you, your family and your brother.
Your brother was in unbearable pain and in indescribable torture.
He saw no way out of this hell.
Just remember, when the time comes, you will meet with him in heaven.
And you could tell him how much you miss him and how you will never have him out of your sight.


#3

Sorry for your loss. It’s good of you to try to be there for your mom, younger brother and your sister. Maybe you should consider talking to a therapist, if you can get one?


#4

I’m so sorry for your loss. I don’t really know how to cope, some people says it gets easier with time.
The admin here made this site in honour of his brother. Maybe you can do something too.


#5

I’m so sorry this happened to you. What a tragedy. I think you’re doing the right thing by reaching out for support. Just remember that it can get better. The pain will lessen in time.


#6

It’s likely that time will help heal your pain. Getting through these early days and hours requires utmost gentleness and kindness towards yourself. You are probably still partially in shock, reeling from the deepest loss. Try to treat yourself and all around you with deepest care; reach out for help from friends, family not as impacted, counselors, and/or a support group for grief.

My mother died due to her own actions during what the doctor thinks was a psychotic break. She had almost been hospitalized the night before this happened, less than twelve hours before her own actions led to her death.

After years and years of thinking her death was suicide in the most basic sense, I contacted the psychiatrist who had tried to hospitalize her. He told me that she might have been so deeply psychotic that she didn’t believe her actions would lead to death. She did not leave a note.

It took a long time, but I realized that I would never know what happened or what she went through. It is natural to search for answers. You might find some; you might not.

It took many, many years, but I am at peace. For awhile I felt a great deal of guilt, like I should have been able to do something to prevent her death. It was in my heart to love and help my mother; if it had been possible, if I would have known what was happening and found a way to help her, I would have.

Coping with grief means: taking the best care of yourself possible, remembering your brother with love.

A technique I learned from an ultra-good counselor: when I remembered something good or happy to look up or lift my eyes towards the sky and say thank you to the person and very specifically say what I was thanking them for. When I was crying or upset, I was to drop my eyes and attention to the ground (earth) and my feet and let the sorrow out without words.

I am sorry for your loss; the death of a young person is the most tragic.


#7

I’m just so sorry. You’re obviously a great blessing to your family. I would recommend therapy, and other than that, time. God bless your heart.


#8

My condolences…