Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Grieving the death of my brother

My baby brother who was schizophrenia took his life on Christmas Eve. I got a call that morning that his home had an explosion and was on fire. They were able to get him out but 90 percent of his body was was severely burned and he passed away. I am devastated beyond belief and have so much guilt. My parents have passed away and they had never gotten him any help and even though I lived in NH and he lived in WV I tried so hard to help him. I took him last year to the hospital for a mental hygiene check but they let him go because THAT day he wasn’t homicidal. I took him to a mental clinic which they would ask him questions and give him meds but he never took them as prescribed and He also smoked marijuana and did street pills with them. Then he was at a hotel naked in the parking lot screaming and threatening to kill people so I had him to call 911 and tell them he was suicidal and they took him in for another mental hygiene check and released him 12 hours later with no meds and told him to follow up with the mental clinic. They should have put him in the mental hospital to be evaluated even the mental clinic couldn’t believe they let him go. Fours days before he took his life he called me wanting money for food and I had just given him $200.00 two weeks earlier for food so I was pretty sure he was going to buy alcohol or drugs so I told him no and he got so mad at me told me he didn’t care anything about me anymore and not to pay his phone bill and he hung up on me. A couple of days later his 17 year old son went to his house and my brother had smashed in his TVs and ripped his cable out. I did not think he would kill his self but it was the next day I got the call. I had been through so much the past three years with him and I was at the point it was affecting my health so when we had the fight I didn’t call him back and now I’m left with so much guilt. My brother without this disease was a tender hearted, funny and caring person and the two of us were every close. I have so many emotions right now I’m devastated for loosing him, mad at the system for not helping, filled with guilt over our last conversation because I feel like he must have felt I wasn’t there for him anymore… I know he’s at peace in Gods hands with no more mental anguish but I miss him so much.

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I’m so very sorry for your loss. This is a horrible and tragic disease. Peace to you. Peace to your brother.

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Ray,

This may not help, but you can’t blame yourself. You couldn’t have known what he was going to do.

Sorry and take care.

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So very sorry , my thoughts are with you and RIP to your brother .

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I’m sorry for your loss. When psychiatrists ask me if I’ve had thoughts of suicide, I tell them anyone with SZ or SZA who says they don’t is a liar. I usually add an expletive or two if I feel I can get away with it. And this comes from someone who has an idyllic life compared to others with these diseases.

Between increased suicide risks and poor cardiovascular health due to smoking, poor diet, inconsistent health care and metabolic syndromes due to atypical anti psychotics, the life expectancy of people with HIV now exceeds that of people with SZ in developed countries. While I don’t begrudge anyone extra years, it shows even highly stigmatized diseases can gain significantly improved treatments with enough attention and resources. Brain diseases are difficult and anosognosia certainly doesn’t help. Unfortunately your story is a sad reality for too many caregivers. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss. It wasn’t your fault.

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I am so sorry you have lost your brother. You fought the good fight for him, I hope you can find peace in his memory some day.

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I am so sorry for your loss. You definitely tried so hard to help, but it is an awful disease. I’m glad you have the memories of the good years. I will be thinking of yoi.

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That’s a heart-rending story. Really sorry for your loss.

This is the curse of free will, sometimes people just destroy themselves and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

Hope you can clear your conscience about this.

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I am so very sorry for you and for your brother. What a tragedy. You are both collateral damage of this very, very devastating disease. The two of you did your best for years and neither of you are at fault.

Blame the system and the disease, but please don’t blame yourself. You did what you could and you stuck with your brother through extraordinarily difficult circumstances.

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I did fight hard for him and when everyone else had given up I was still there for him so I need to remember that…

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I am in therapy and my therapist knows what all I did for him and she made a good point and said that “This was way bigger than the two of us”.
I was so blessed this past summer to have gone down and got him in his own home and fixed it all up for him and was with him for three weeks. I will forever cherish those memories…

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So sorry for your loss , the system is really messed up !

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I am so so sorry . None of it is your fought. Your brother went through hell and back from a disease either of you had control of it…He is now cured, whole, and a healthy working brain. The way he should be.

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I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your brother and for this tragedy in general. Of course you feel guilty (who wouldn’t?) but you only did what seemed best and what I expect any one of us here would have done. You did all you could do to get help for your brother. Our mental healthcare systems are largely terrible. I suggest you get some counseling to work through your grief and guilt. Perhaps your employer has a Employee Assistance Plan to get you started with that…ask your HR department. And someday you might want to tell your story to a larger audience. Pete Earley is a reporter/author that writes solely about mental illness. https://www.peteearley.com/ Wishing you peace, my friend. Hang on to the good memories of your brother!

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I’m so sori to hear this sad news about your brother R.I.P :blue_heart::blue_heart::blue_heart::pray:t4:

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Thank you for those comforting words and it’s good to think of him being whole and set free of all the pain he was in.

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Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I am actually looking into grief counseling now because I know I will need it to heal. I will also look at the link to forwarded.
Yes, the system is horribly broken…

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I’m so sorry to hear of this tragedy. I’m sure you were doing everything you could to help. I just wish I could be there to hug and comfort you.
If it’s helpful, I was with my son and did everything I possibly could for him and it still had a very sad outcome.
All we can do is grieve with you and your loss.
Take care AnnieNorcal

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My deepest condolences on the loss of your brother. My heart goes out to you in your time of sorrow. Hold close to the memories of your time this past summer with him. You fought the good fight for him. This awful disease is bigger than all of us. Be kind to yourself. I believe he is at peace now.

Thank you for sharing your story. You have my deepest sympathies for what you and your brother have suffered. Please do not blame yourself. You cared and you tried. I hope in time, you can find peace.