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I am so angry and sad wish i could trade places with my son right now!


#1

About a week ago my son was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I am so angry and sad, I am so angry with myself for not realizing what was going on sooner like 2 years ago when it began. Instead of going with my motherly instincts that something wasn’t right I listened to "others for advice; family, friends, counslers and a overpaid psyciatrist, and a horrible probation officer (because he punched a hole in a wall) All the symptoms were there but no one but me thought he might have something seriously wrong that he could not control. They all told me it was pretty much me being a bad parent and him being a bratty teenager. I am so sad and angry with myself that I was so weak and vunerable to not push the issue or seek additional help until he was 19. Now he is in the BHC part of a hospital and I am thankful that he might actually get the help he needs. But I am so sad for him. he is confused, scared and soon to be kept there against his will because he doesn’t realize the reason for medication and he thinks his delusions are real. I am so angry because he has such a good heart and only wanted to grow up to help others and now he it seems he cant even help himself.


#2

So sorry but please do not blame yourself. It’s natural to do so, but no you,were to know, it’s not your fault, you are human and we aren’t trained to be able to recognise stuff like that. Bit like our situation really.
The one consolation is now your son is in the best place to start gett well again. Is he starting on the medication?


#3

I am so sorry to hear about your son, and many of us here know first hand the experience you are standing in, @Kgizmo. Take some time and read the posts within this forum. You will find some comfort in knowing you are not alone, and there are many very experienced loved ones and parents to those afflicted with this horrible illness that have shared their wisdom.

There are great books that also help put your feelings at ease, and although the sorrow and grief we all feel within this journey is nothing we can shoulder for each other, at least know this forum can be a place of respite for you.

You are not alone, new friend…may you find some peace in the weeks to come with all that you will discover about this illness, and I hope for healing, wellness, and stability for your son and your family as you walk through your next steps in this.


#4

So sorry for what you are going through Kgizmo. Try not to blame yourself, it is natural, i still blame myself for many things 12 years after my sons diagnosis.

My sons problems started from his teenage years, he was finally diagnosed age 23. I thought he was having a particularly troublesome adolescence for years, psychiatrists diagnosed anxiety. So as you see it is not easy to realise what is going on and can take years.

With your love and support things will get better for your son and for you. There is really helpful advice on sz.com website. It isnt hopeless, there is a wide range of functioning within the illness. Many people live independently, achieve educationally and have jobs. You may have to adjust your expectations. Reach out for support if you can, its too hard to do it alone.


#5

Hello, Are you close to an early treatment center: http://partners4strongminds.org/get-involved/education-center/finding-treatment/

There are specialty teams in some US locations that are considered the best current treatment for a person newly diagnosed.


#6

@Kgizmo. Please don’t beat yourself up. I think most of us can relate to your feeling of guilt but how could we have known how truly sick our children are in the beginning stages of schizophrenia. Like you I have felt so much pain that my daughter has so suffer so much. I brought her into the world and it’s a world of so much suffering for her that at times when I think about it too long my heart feels like it’s broken in hundreds of piece and then I feel I can’t breathe. I have prayed to God so many times and wanted to bargain with God to please give me the illness and heal my daughter. I’m now dealing with the grief differently and as time goes on you will too.


#7

Thank you for the support and understanding.


#8

Thank you for understanding.


#9

Thank you. My son started medication about a week ago I think its helping when they can get him to take it.


#10

LOL, same here, right down to the punching the hole in the wall! It’s not your fault. That’s all here is to it. It happens to all kinds of people from all kinds of backgrounds, with all kinds of upbringings and all kinds of personalities. It’s not your fault. He can get better. He may need treatment but he can get better. Three years on, my son has been sectioned once for ten days but otherwise is quite indistinguishable from the rest of the population. He doesn’t drink or do drugs so that helps. He’s a little quite and not super motivated but those both fall within the range of ‘normal’. I told him from the beginning that he can recover, but that he may need to take medication for the rest of his life. I also told him that if he doesn’t recover, I will to abandon him, that he is OK with me the way he is. Give him hope and acceptance. It’s the key to recovery. it’s not your fault. It’s not his fault. (It hurts, but you can’t trade.)

Edit: I told him I WON’T abandon him.


#11

O my darling - the grief that surrounds this being the “new normal” is huge. I get great support from my local NAMI group. Don’t listen to those who don’t and can’t understand. My son is 21, so he has had this for 5 years and I was in denial for half that time. You have a lot to be grateful for. He is safe, not on the streets. He will get meds to stabalize him for now. I had my son arrested twice before he was 18. He punches me in the head when psychotic. He has been baker acted a dozen times, cos the meds stopped working. It is a hard journey. Keep the faith and take care of you!! Blessings to you