I am a wreck now

Hi there, I have posted lately my 29 year old son has been unmedicated since April 2024. He has refused to see a doctor or take his meds. Things have be deteriorating, he has been stealing in neighborhood and vandalizing. I have called police many time to ask them to take my son for an involuntary hospitalization. They have refused, saying they did not see any of theses incidents. He always goes in his place when police come. Well yesterday I had told him he would have to move out of his townhome and I went to police station to make another report. While I was at police station he walked to my house and went in, door was unlocked, and asked my husband where I was, and he said I was out, and then he pulled a small metal bar out of his hoodie and hit my husband, my husband got the metal bar from him and apparently pulled off his sweatshirt and them my son ran home without one shoe. In the meantime, I went to states attorney and they issued a writ for taking him to state mental hospital. The police are also getting a warrant to arrest him for aggravated battery and illegal entry into my house. He is at his place now and he is texting sweet hearts to me and my daughter on our group textand he has no idea he is going to be taken away soon. The sheriff or police are going to take him as soon as they can get a warrant for arrest or bed in hospital. I feel so sad that it came down to this. He will never be able to return to his home and he will get a jail sentence. He has been in psychosis for months now and the police have been no help. I have tried and tried to talk him into going to hospital but he was on a manic high being off his meds. I feel so unbelievably sad that his life has turned so tragic. I can not stop crying and thinking of how he was before all this. Any advise, my heart is broken.

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Hi Irene. I am sadden to read your situation. My son Ben is 30 years old received a mental illness disability from the air force about 4 years ago. My wife and i have had to call the sheriffs department to our home several times since my sons diagnosis with schiziophreniaaffective disorder. I just recently found this forum and posted a recent topic a few days ago explaining my situation with our son. This last psychosis event was very bad and i feel like it took 10 years off of me. I am a nerves wreck at the moment. He refuses to affirm his illness. He is convinced he is not sick yet he will stay out for 14 plus hours a day just driving around town then comes home and hears voices coming from the basement and the wall. I am struggling with trying to find a way to communicate with our son. I do know that as soon as we can get his truck and camper sold that will leave him money in his VA disability along with his SSI to be able to chose to stay with us or leave out on his own. My wife and i just cant take any more stress and we both think it will be best he leaves home and finds his own way. It is truly heart breaking that we have to make this decision but my wife and i both have lives to live and other children to be there for. We cant let Ben’s disorder take over our lives and future. Ben has not done anything that would allow the police to arrest him and take him to hospital for observation and admittance for mental illness. As bad as it sounds i wished he would do just enough to get him arrested by the police so we can get him into the hospital and back on medication. Once your son is in hospital and receiving care they should be able to break the psychosis event. Then if you talk to him you may still be talking to the disorder side of his brain and that person might not like being in the hospital but whomever is there when you talk to him just tell him you are there to support him and you love him then allow him to make his own decision on if he will accept you after he is released. My advise is at some point you will have to make that hard decision most others in our situation have to make, keep them close or let them go. If you let him go, yes, part of you will go with him but at least you and your husband will still have each other and can move on with your life. You know, i have read many stories over the past week of MANY families in similar situations that we find ourselves in with mentally ill loved ones, all very sad to read. I am shocked at how many people with this disorder are able to function and create you tube videos to talk about their disorder. I wish my son could be like one of those people but from what i see now i cant imagine that will happen but i pray every day that he will seek help.

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I’m sorry it escalated with your husband in your home so nerve wrecking , I’m glad it didn’t go further.
I can relate to much of your story with my sibling .
Once my dad had to sneak out a window hide behind a neighbors truck and call The police after my brother slapped him and then stabbed a knife into the counter next to his hand.
Which all happened even before coffee just woke up that way. Not a good day.
I guess now its the pins n needles waiting game !
My thoughts,
if your son does serve any time I would call the nurses in jail and inform them of his diagnosis .
While he is away time to rest and heal but I think try to come up with what it will look like for you and your family when he is released .
Of course that doesn’t always work out. I’m sure you know all to well !
My thoughts are with you sending a hug during this most stressful time .

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This sounds very similar to what occured with my son, a year ago at 26, eventually police said theyd try to get help at jail through mental health program…
but that never occured. I was told later on probation will help but that is a joke too the proba tion is doing nothing…i wish he had gone to hospital and not jail…the jail wasnt good he suffered. They didnt give him meds at all. The other prisoners all got My number and called me begging to give him money for snacks and then for them. They did inform me he was out of it…so now he had criminal friends who also tried to take advantage of him and I . Most were from mexico and drug, pedifile, and theft sentences… then we had to go to court …i.could.prosecute and he gets a felony…which makes it harder for them to rent, work…ect…i dropped some charges but he has misdemeanor, and does drug testing almost weekly for $14 , i have to take off work to get him There…he now is out came back to live with me, we had to move and he blames me for his suffering in jail…it cost us about $1300 in fines and bail. And now. Back to same things…he did meds for almost a year and at least stopped violence, and theft of monies from me which he gambled, but is now saying meds dont work and going off again, its a constant cycle, since he was 16. So 10 years now. It does feel like a satan trying to ruin our lives.

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Based on my simialr experience i tried typing. I recommend hospital first choice , avoiding felonies, paying money and they still need medical care, likely not getting in jail…keep trying.to get health back with better doctors, eating, whatever you can do…

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The cycle is hard my sibling has unfortunately been in jail multiple times each time my dad never presses charges ,

But each time the disease has caused upheaval in my siblings life it takes a toll ,takes longer to come back and its another carried trauma he’s left trying to make since of why things are this way he has his own reasoning and zero accountability because of the anosognosia ,he has ptsd now .
I heard a woman call them Environmental Hits !I very much agree . each time it is a hit
When in jail for a longer period he was able to stabilize on meds . I called the nurse and gave his diagnosis.
But when out only continued for about 6 months . then cycle after cycle
In his state there was a mental health program but he wouldn’t participate.

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Thanks everyone for the advise. My son has not been picked up by states attorney or police yet and I got a call from an elderly neighbor of his that he was banging on her door at 3am and another neighbor said he was trying to break into cars. I really can t go on like this. It has been over 14 years of me spending all my time and money helping him. It never makes him better, even on meds he is always depressed and saying I am to blame and he wants to commit suicide. I feel I can not live like this anymore. It is too stressful for my husband and I and the rest of our families. I am thinking how do I just get away from this. I wonder if they will let my son out right away. He got my husband in the face and he has a big wound and he knocked him down before my husband got the metal stick from him. This is just too much and I don’t at all trust he will stay on meds. It is sad how little help there is for us family members.

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Has any law enforcement mentioned filing a restraining order against your son?
My Dad was forced to do this before as it was a last resort when no other help was obtained this is the action the law recommended.
It doesn’t have to be permanent but the courts should be open tomorrow maybe you could go down there for peace of mind .

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Thanks Meg Meg, good idea. All his neighbors will probably want one too. He lives 2 blocks from us and his neighbors are terrified.

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Yes probably my dads immediate neighbors have had one for a few years now .
My Dad no longer has it in place.
When things feel so out of control I try to remind myself to refocus on what is in my control .

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So if the police had responded and picked him during the car breakins or while frightening his neighbor - your husband wouldn’t have been attacked?

No one protects us when our family members are dangerous. We did get a second large dog while Mike was living in the garage apartment. The dog was a foster and we kept it because Mike was afraid of it. One of my friends was saved by her dog when her daughter was choking her.

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Yes if the police had taken him in may when I started reporting this to the police and his doctor he would not be charged with unlawful breakin and aggravated battery with a weapon. Now he has terrorized all the neighbors, stealing from garages and porches and attempts at car break ins, etc. Now he will be unable to get back in the townhouse he has lived in for 5 years. The association wants him evicted. I guess he will do jail time and who knows if they will give him any mental help. He has been in psychosis for weeks and things have escalated so quickly. I had thought he could live in that little town house the rest of his life if he wanted. It is heartbreaking, his fate is completely out of my control and I have been helping him thru his whole SZ journey. I am beyond afraid of what will happen to him in the system. He has no idea he will be taken away from his home soon, forever. He probably doesn’t even remember the attack yesterday. He keeps calling me and texting me, but I can not pick up. I have nothing to say to him and I can t be there to help him now. The courts will decide. He was a good neighbor till the last 6 months when he decided to stop meds. I am terrified for him. How I begged him and tried to bribe him to see a doctor and get back on meds. So sad

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Hi hope, yes dogs are wonderful. I have two, one of them was a support dog I got for my son about 7 years ago. He was ably to care reasonably well for it for 4 years, I would help out taking it out here and there. He and the sweet pup were so close, the dog wpuld always sit on his lap and I was glad he at least had the dog for some company. Then he started to get worse and worse with taking the dog out and feeding it and to my shock he didn’t want it anymore. I took the dog as I was already very attached to it. The strange thing was that he was so protective over the dog for a long time and I never imagined he would give it up. He said that he had wanted to bite the dogs toenails off one night towards the end of his time with this dog. This illness is just so unpredictable and such a life robber.

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Hi meg meg today is the day they are going to pick him up. It is so sad but out of my control. He is not fit to live in society in this condition. Good advise to take this time to try to rest and heal. I am very scared for him, he has always had me to help him.
We have all gone thru so much with our loved ones.

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Irene, I hope for him he will go peacefully and this will lead to some stabilization for him .
Even if he doesn’t get meds sometimes the structured routine in jail or the hospital can help them come back a bit and the regular meals .
My thoughts are with you and yours

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Did they pick your son up for the transfer?

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It was supposed to be yesterday, but the police told the neighbor that due to protcal it would maybe be Wednesday. The sheriffs office also has a writ to pick him up to take him to state mental hospital. I don t know which will come first. My son has been on a manically stealing spree , taking packages from porches and now he is getting more charges against him as the people he is stealing from are reporting to police. I have not answered texts or calls from my son, but I see my daughter and him texting on group test yesterday and he is making no sense. He seems to think he is like the king of the neighborhood and can do whatever he wants. He was never like this in his life. He went to the golf pro shop a few blocks away on Sunday and put a bunch a bunch of beer cans in his back pack and then when questioned he swung at guy working there, missed luckily, more charges. I don t know why this is taking so long to transport him! I don t want to see the transport happen. I don t want that horrible memory forever. So sad.

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Thanks so much for the kind words. I pray that he is treated with some kindness and respect and he can get stable. Hour by hour, peace to your loved ones and you for today.

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See if you can get court mandate, since he is a threat to you. In NY it’s called the AOT team. They are responsible for your son and taking his meds.

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I looked up if there is an AOT team in illinios and it appears that there is one in places not close to us. At this point he is going to be taken out of his home he has lived in for 5 years and taken with police arrest warrant, which is supposed to happen tomorrow. There is also a writ from the states attorney to take him to state mental hospital. It is too late for AOT at this point. Maybe if he ever gets out of jail for his aggregated battery assault on my husband and his reported stealing he did. I am so scared for him to go away to jail. I will have no control over his life now and he is not well enough to know what is going on. He could be in jail for years. I am so sad and I have no control over this. I just keep praying cuz he doesn’t deserve this illness, of course, as we all feel about our loved ones. They were just unlucky in life. He is in a more lucid state now and will not understand why he is being removed out of his home tomorrow. I am so heartbroken .

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