I can't get my son to pick up after himself his room looks like a pigsty

I help him once a week. How can I get him to pick up a little every day?

how old is he? :slight_smile:

He is 28 years old.

has he got sz? maybe he needs motivation?

Maybe he needs his behind swatted!
there is no excuse why he should live like a slob in your house, except if you don’t make him.
Maybe help him clean it up so he knows this is what you expect it to look like, make it easy to know where the garbage goes, the dirty clothes go, the dirty dishes belong, so it won’t take a major effort to achieve in one day.
He needs to learn this room is not “his” to do as he pleases. He is only using this room on loan from you and if he don’t follow the rules he needs to understand he is welcome to pay rent elsewhere and there he may do as he pleases.

Seriously, you need to not let him be in charge, it may sound harsh, but, you will help him in the long run to become more independent, which will make both of you happier.
Growing up my parents always told us “my house, my rules” and if we didn’t like the rules or want to follow them, then we were welcome to get out on our own and do what we like there, but in their house, their rules.
It does work, I have a lot of respect for my parents following through and doing not what was easy, but right for us in the long run.

With my daughter it was actually helpful to create a specific time in which she would do specific things. Since self discipline is really about doing something in the face of obstacles (whether the obstacles are self imposed or not really doesn’t matter) it gave her a chance to develop that-whether or not she felt like it-if she was tired, if she was doing something else-whatever, she would force herself to do X at X time. Once she got used to forcing herself to do just one thing she didn’t feel like doing, it allowed her to see she could do it at other times as well (although this is no way a cure for negative symptoms like apathy-it is still a struggle for her). You could also tie in a reward for this as well. I thought my daughter would feel like she was being treated like a baby with a reward system-but she actually liked the opportunity to get something out of doing something.

I find it almost impossible to keep things in order. It’s not just not feeling like it. Every two weeks I do a big cleanup for the maids. When I try to put things up as I go along, I keep veering off track. Though I know I need to do it in case the landlord comes in while the place is a pig sty. I don’t want to get kicked out.

My mother used to say my room looked like a cyclone had struck. I remember writing a report in school. ‘Cyclone Strikes the Pigpen’ . And it was me.

Also there was a big change for the worse with how disorderly my room was after I became schizophrenic. It was a reflection of my state of mind. Once someone broke into the house. The door to my room was half-opened but the burglar didn’t go in. I could tell nothing had been disturbed. Probably a bit too much for him.

But now I see it can work the other way. When I can manage to keep my surroundings clean, my mind is also more orderly.

My aunt knocked on my door yesterday evening. The first things she said to me was

  • This place is very dusty. Don’t you dust?
  • Why are there cobwebs on the ceiling?
  • These base boards are extremely dusty
  • The lights are dusty

Me - “what are base boards”? :smiley:

Yeah. Those are the window dressing.

I use a shop vac to suck the spider webs off the ceilings and out of corners. beats using a broom or stick that gets all fouled up and doesn’t get webs that like to stick and hang from protruding objects.

The white thing here is the baseboard. the tops can get really dusty. A good shop vac can work on them too…gets most of the dust.

My ‘normal’ step daughter mostly used the floor as a laundry basket. I mostly just kept the door closed to her room. Now that she has her own place, she suddenly sees the importance of picking up. I don’t think this is a problem limited to kids with sz diagnosis.

With consistency, my son mostly puts his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, puts his dirty dishes in the dishwasher, wipes up spills, keeps his stuff in some kind of order.

When doing good or stable my son would help me tidy/clean up his room. If I asked he would help me make his bed or change his garbage. As another poster said, I looked at the state of his room or how he wanted it, as a reflection of his state of mind. If he didn’t want me cleaning up then I backed off a bit. If he didn’t mind me cleaning up then I would ask him to help.

My daughter, non-diagnosed, age almost 19… her room is usually a disaster.