Sorry I am just jumping into the middle of this intense conversation, but I saw your question J9sit. I am always trying to think of practical solutions to the problems that crop up. Perhaps a motion sensor flushing toilet would address this one?
You can send private messages to each other through the forum’s private message “email”.
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Hi Steadfast,
A motoin sensor toilet flusher was an option until I found out that not only does my brother not flush the toilet, but he also uses it as a garbage can and puts things likes plates and cups in it! He has many garbage cans around his apartment . Somehow he does not feel the need to use them…
Thank you for that information Hope.
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Thanks you for that information Hope.
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Thank you both to yourself and smarti. The vividness and the candidness is invaluable to many of our’s struggles.
If you are considering Guardianship, a “consult” will be good. Sooner or later you need to be prepared with facts and history. Put it in writing. Hospitalizations, diagnosis, medications (when, what worked, what didn’t), other treatments, doctors, interactions with the law, behaviors (especially those that point to harm to self or others…the toileting thing certainly seems to fall into this category…as in inability to care for himself), job history (including job failure), education or attempted education, etc. You will need to identify all the factors that point to his inability to care for himself and manage his day to day affairs either fully or in part.
hope4us and smartie08
I had the initial consultation with the attorney. he brought up some good points that I had not thought of. He said that if I go forward with a guardianship application, it will be intrusive into my brother’s life. He told me that the court will send a representative to meet with my brother and explain what I am trying to do. He will also try to convince him to appear in court. my brother would be very unhinged if people try to find him at his apartment or at my moms house. The attorney brought up the fact that it is possible that my brother will retreat from all that is going well right now. Like allowing the aide to give him medication, allowing the aide to clean his apartment and also dictate when he should change his clothes etc. My brother might decide that he is no longer going to come to my moms home. So this is something I need to consider. I do not want to rock the boat at this time. It seems like guardianship will be something I will consider at a later time once my mom is gone and my brother’s life changes dramatically. Also I is very expensive if you use an attorney. You could do all the court filings yourself, but they do not advise people to do that. Doing it your self would cost nothing. But then again you know nothing about how this process works.I am now in he process of starting o document things like the toiling issue, the state of his apartment, his dependency on my moms house and he aide for basic functions of life etc.
Thank you for your helpful comments.
These are very appropriate considerations. People tend to think that Guardianship will solve all the problems but that is simply not true. It can help if your loved one is truly unable to care for himself. My son was VERY sick and in the hospital when I was granted Guardianship. And although he now has been in meaningful recovery for 2.5 years, we don’t talk about the fact that I have Guardianship, even though he knows. I give him almost complete autonomy (and some financial assistance) because he is now med-compliant and doing very well and that is what matters. I treat him with respect and consider HIS opinion about things.
You are doing a great job of considering all the options to do what you think is best and plan for the future!
Hi Hope4us,
Thank you for your encouragement. Someone mentioned on this site that you can send a private message to people. Do you know how to do that? I am hoping that smartie08 would comment on some of my posts, but I am not sure she always sees them. her brother has a very similar situation to mine but she has managed to get guardianship and place her brother in a skilled nursing facility.
I would like to be able to send her a message directly. How do I do that?
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Hi Smartie,
Is there a way we can communicate directly? I feel like I post a lot of comments to you but maybe you do not always see them. Other people comment on my posts. I feel it would be helpful for me to be able to ask you and tell you things related to my brother more directly . I could give you my email address or you could give me yours. We have similar lives but you have a better outcome than me right now.
Hi j9sit,
I think this is a private conversation. My personal email os smsharonmartin6@gmail.com.
No, this post was not private. Delete your post above. To send private message, click on the image of the person’s name (icon) that you want to message. There is a “Message” tab there. If that doesn’t work, let us know.
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Maggotbrane,
Your response is so true. Unfortunately, the Covid pandemic is making normalcy difficult for all of us. I like the gradual reintroduction concept! I attempted to enroll my brother in a schizophrenia recovery program but they would not accept him - too many medical problems (high cholesterol, obesity, and psychogenic polydipsia). I wanted to get help reintegrating him back to supportive community living. Seems like most people are completely dependent on their families and outside support rarely exists. I recently saw that Jeff Beso’s x-wife his going away billions to charitable organizations. Perhaps, we could write a proposal for a community based living with additional mental health support living an apartment complex. There are many resources similar to this for adults with developmental disabilities (DD). I think one could parallel such a program for persons with serious mental illness. Are you familiar with the DD supported community systems?
Seems odd they would be so restrictive, as these are all established side effects to AP medication. Perhaps his symptoms are extreme. It’s funny, I had mild psychogenic polydipsia while on typical neuroleptics only for similar symptoms to return later in life when I developed prediabetes either brought on by atypicals, genetic predisposition or both.
For me I found anxiety about social exposure bordered on agoraphobia due to my illness and I self treated by gradually increasing exposure similar to how other phobias are treated. I found taking up voice and acting especially helpful, because the structured repetition of practices gradually introduces stressful elements up until performance. Since the practice environment is artificial and has lower stakes, you build up a social performative tolerance.
There are various community based recovery projects, some with “consumer” involvement as vocational opportunities mostly in urban settings like NYC. They seem structured a bit like a live-in clubhouse model. They aren’t widespread. I happened across a few when I was researching animal rescue charities and found one in New York providing a living environment what allowed people with SMI have therapeutic animals. I’m less familiar with DD support community systems.
I am so happy that you are able to take charge and meet your needs!
Hi, I am new to the group and read your response Above. I would love to hear how you managed the stress and how you were able ti move forward.
Thank you.
Hi Marg, welcome to the forum!
Education was my first step, online forums like this one, reading Dr Torrey’s “Surviving Schizophrenia” attending NAMI’s Family to Family course and reading everything people recommended.
Learning to listen with an open mind to others’ talk about their experiences, most importantly, learning to listen to my son for opportunities to help him on his journey.
I was focused on racing to fix “the problem” and caught up in grieving for my “lost” child at the same time - that is exhausting and unhealthy for everyone involved. Gardening, never my thing before, helped a good deal, but was not demanding enough to change my focus. I went back to work part- part-time, my job requires intense focus, I was surprised how much better I felt when my brain could let go of the focus on my son - even if it was only for a few hours. I literally had to give myself permission to enjoy the peace of mind. Guilt can be a heavy burden.
The parenting push inside me was on overdrive as though I had the 24 hour care of a newborn. I was once again a new parent trying to figure out what my child needed. When my son was having an episode or talking to his voices or talking in word salad or simply laughing at cartoons - that he never would have watched as a child- it impacted me as though he was a crying newborn that needed immediate comfort and care. The natural urgency to focus on the “survival” of the progeny can be quite difficult to manage. This is why you often hear recommendations that caregivers should work with therapists.
For those of us whose family members are far past that initial psychosis, schizophrenia is a marathon not a sprint, we have to pace ourselves.
I arrived at Family to Family like many of the others in my class. Notebook in hand, ready to get answers and head out to fix my son’s world. I was so focused on fixing him, I totally ignored NAMI’s first lesson of self care and the importance of keeping your own life and the rest of the family’s life on track. I deemed such nonsense for “lesser” parents, I was on a mission, I had a person to save.
3 years ago this month, I added regular exercise into my schedule as a priority. Working out an exercise plan and sticking with it made me focus on me part of each day.
Education, open mind, listening, “releasing” my son to his life’s journey and giving myself permission to enjoy my own journey.
These are things I learned from NAMI’s Family to Family and the wonderful people on this forum.
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Thank you so much. I have done all the recommended things: follow an educational Schizophrenia group, completed twice the Family to Family course, have read Dr. Torrey’s book and others written by people with the illness, meeting with a therapist weekly and working closely with my son’s medical team, following an exercise routine, etc. Unfortunately, I still struggle with anxiety and deep sadness for my son who is so isolated and lonely. I so desperate want him to have a social life. I have accepted his illness but cannot get past his loneliness.
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I love that well said thank you
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