My Brother with Schizophrenia

Family
1

Hi!

I had posted previously and received,and acted on, your suggestions.
With the results of that, my brother sent me all of his mental health records. That is a milestone! I was astounded to learn that he had been arrested, after many other arrests, for brandishing a steak knife in a homeless shelter, has hepatitis C (how? why?) and was in the psych hospital for months on enforced prolixin, haldol and cogentin.
He has also told a nurse at the hospital that he would kill her. And he has been doing a lot of sexual acting out.
I live 2500 miles away from him so he’s all on his own while running through the arrests, hospitalizations etc.
He has previously not given me any info, but once I took your suggestions and offered him love and acceptance, he sent me all of this.
He is diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, antisocial personality disorder and is listed as a serious risk of harm to himself and others. He has been in and out of psych hospitals for years and this all started in 1990!

I just don’t know what to do at this point. I do not have clearance from him to be part of his treatment plan etc.

My brother’s psych prognosis is poor, as the psychiatrists wrote in his enforced med regime.

What do I do? What is my role as I love him?
Nevertheless, I cannot take him into my home because I am terrified!

Please help!

Thank you!

2

Most likely got it from anal sex (common among sociopaths) or sharing a needle to shoot up.

No. Statistically, his prognosis is awful.

I will not be popular here for saying this. (But I am not popular here because I tell the truth from the p.o.v. of one who has been on both sides of the shatterproof Lexan.)

There are times when no one can help. And this sounds like one of them. He may reach out now and again. But most of the time he is in his own world. And that world is too dark and wretched for you to imagine. He is angry. At everyone and everything. He is a Prisoner of Hate. For reasons he will probably never be able to explain.

He is – based on what you wrote – pretty likely this on steroids:

http://www.millon.net/taxonomy/paranoid.htm

http://www.millon.net/taxonomy/paranoid.htm

http://www.millon.net/taxonomy/sadistic.htm

I understand your sense of duty. And loyalty. And empathy.

But, believe me, he does not.

It will be best if you allow him to find his own way to a state hospital. Get out of his way, and he will either do so or die trying.

3

Wondering if there are any doctor`s names on those records…maybe get in touch with one of them?
@notmoses may be right–nothing to do at this point.
BUT if there is an opening, maybe get him to sign releases so you have access to teatments, etc…
The fact that he sent all this info to you is a good sign.
You might be able to get power of attorney, or guardianship. **

4

These answers may not make you popular, but they are truths that have to be swallowed sometimes. It’s good to get perspective.

5

I lived in a home for 2 years when I was at my worst. He is antisocial. I met people there like that. All I can say and I’m sorry is to keep a very large distance. And I’m glad you live thousands of miles away. Those people are constantly plotting to exploit others. And I wouldn’t be surprised if this attempt at sending you records has some sort of hidden agenda behind it.

6

cc: @kathyf

Most states have procedures for conservatorship, BUT… the conservator always always has to live in the same (or sometimes neighboring) state. You can Google “conservatorship protocols” and then find the one for the state he lives in as well as your own.

7

Well, thank you. It’s nice to get a kudo once in a while.

8

I’m with @Qwerty on this one. Stay as far away from him as possible. My sister isn’t a sociopath but she only cares about her self to the point where I think she might be a bit of a narcissist (as in she is incapable of loving anyone but herself and things she sees as a reflection or extension of herself). You don’t want that in your life. You said something about your home so I’m going to assume that means your own family. Yeah, if you have a kid keep it the heck away from this person same for a wife, husband, aunt, uncle, heck keep the dog away from him.

@notmoses this might not be the time but is the anal sex thing really true about sociopaths? If so why?

9

Hi to All of You!

In your own special ways, you have been my backbone and my saviors.
God bless the meek and the helpful = you!

My brother sent his mental health records to me so that I would copy it all and send it off to, as he says, “his muse” who is Selena Gomez. I had to look her up, I had no clue who she is. Found out that she was some Disney singer who looks to be around 16 years old when my bother is 58?
Also he wants me to send this to his ex-wife who he has been stalking for 20 years. She’s scared to death of him.
He wanted me to take guardianship and pay all his bills = $350 ruby earrings for his ex-wife, $100’s for official Playboy collection issues, etc. and more etc. And with guardianship, he wanted me to sue to hospitals, the courts, the police, his motel residence etc.

I sent him a snail mail letter back, and trying to be compassionate, asked him if he would like to give my information to the courts, hospitals, police etc. so he doesn’t feel all alone when bad things happen. As you know, without that, I can know nothing.

As I’ve mentioned, he is violent, has been arrested for that multiple times and is considered extremely dangerous to himself and others with the 2 psychiatrists statement in court that his prognosis is poor.

So, I can not leave him “out in the wilderness” all alone but I can not get any closer to him than I would to the rattlesnakes here in the desert where I live.
Has his prefrontal cortex (since he is incapable of realizing he is sick, etc.) been so damaged that the only thing left is the limbic system = the reptilian flight or fight brain??
I pray for a good outcome for “Daniel, My Brother” as Elton John sang…the lyrics of this song is so provocative…since there is little I can control…but, as God is my witness, I want to help him.

Anything and anything you so is so wonderful since I just think about all of this on my own.

God bless all of your kindess and efforts to help me and my brother!

10

Work in a state pen. See what happens. Big “bulls” who are not really “gay” fuck smaller guys who probably weren’t headed that direction themselves, but learned to “like it” because of the rewards in smokes, treats, rack & yard locations, privileges, protection from other thugs, etc.

Sadistic dominators and masochistic submissives; equally instrumentalistic (see below) to get what they want.

11

Amazing!
You are giving me insight into this other world…how can you handle your job?
I thank you so much for responding to help us understand this…a very big thing!

12

No, you need to run. The only thing you need to know about him and his whereabouts is whether or not he’s in striking distance.

Going with your snake metaphor, it wouldn’t be a good idea for you to go after a rattlesnake. This is not going to go over well at all but I went through this exact same thing with my sister and I am still going through it. We aren’t Steve Irwin. We aren’t snake tamers and handlers. You need to let the professionals handle this and protect yourself and your family.

Look at his ex wife. I bet she loved him and look at what she’s going through now. I can understand what you are going through, I honestly can. My sister manipulated me, she tried to beat me on several occasions and once with a belt just because she was annoyed or mad, she has stolen many things from me on numerous occasions (and then makes fun of me for dressing funny even though she took all my good cloths), and I still loved her and was there for her. I always stuck up for her whenever my parents said something to her like her headphones were too loud (she joined them when they got onto me), I was nothing but loving and all I got was abuse. It’s gotten much better since she left the house to go work but she’s still manipulating my parents, especially my mom.

You’re as close to free as you’re going to get right now. Please don’t jump into that inferno. I know what I went through and am still going through is nothing like the hell that you are about to unleash on yourself but that went on for over 18 years. Take my case, multiply it by 666 and change the time frame to the rest of his natural life and that’s about what you’re getting yourself into.

13

“You’re as close to free as you’re going to get right now.”
Holy Mother of God!

Your message hit my mind so big time!!
Thank you so much, whoever you are and wherever you are!
I want to thank you so much for sharing this nightmare with me… I think, from what you said, that I am stepping into the pits of Dante’s Inferno if I keep on with my brother…
I do believe that I am so close to entering the dark world that is my brother…I know of no other way to negotiate his illness and still try support him in any way at all.
So, my dear friend and supporter, all across the internet, I think I must stop communication with him while I know that many psychiatrists have said he is violent and has a poor prognosis.
So, shall I leave his fate up to God and just stop all communication?
It’s amazing, even though his brain is so destroyed by this illness, that he can still manipulate and render me willing to help him only cosign his delusions with sending his mental health records to …Selena Gomez???
Who’s more sick? Him or me??

From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, whoever you are!

14

I’m just glad this got to you on time and I could make a difference.

You aren’t sick. You’re just a good person. These creatures prey on that.

Definitely just cut off communication. Just keep going with the rattlesnake thing. Whenever he tries to get back in touch with you just remember that you are entering his element. Going to him in your element (like visiting him in jail or the hospital) would be like sticking your fingers through the bars of your snake brother’s cage, you’re just asking to get bitten.

Going to see him in his own element (anywhere other than a hospital or prison) is like just trooping off into the desert with one of those poles with the circles on it that they use to catch dogs (aka whatever evidence or extra help you bring along to try to aid your brother). All that pole is going to do is give him a faster way to get to your neck when you hold it out to catch him. He would get you anyways, snakes are sneaky suckers but that would just make it easier.

Last but not least don’t forget that when you turn over that rock in the desert looking for him don’t be surprised if he’s made two or three ‘buddies’.

Please stay strong. As I said I’m a very loyal family member too so I can feel what you are going through.

15

Hi There, My Dear Friend in Cyberspace!

You have been a very astute angel that has responded to me from exactly where my heart is and for what I needed to hear.
What you said here was so very horrible, but so very true.
I have no real idea of what my brother has been through.
I remember his ex-wife told us, in the early 1990’s, that he was thrown up against a wall by the cops and remanded to the Poughkeepsie, NY Jail. When me and my Dad drove all that way to see him he refused our visit…so many years ago…and now today = worse!

So, again, I guess what I have to hear is that i cannot help him any longer…he is in the hands of the justice and mental health system and meanwhile, he is paranoid and antisocial and, gone to me?

Thank you and God bless all of you!
K

16

You’re entirely welcome. I’ll be happy to answer any further questions you have.

17

Also!

I am so heartedly sorry to hear about your sister and her treatment of you!
Now I know that our siblings, if they could, would love us so much more.
How you must have lived so confused, so hurt, yet still trying to hope and to try countless times…this only shows your loyalty and love for her, through thick and thin…but no matter what, this is a bigger beast that we cannot find our way around, no matter how much we try.
I think about how we all have our struggles in this life time…yet, our siblings have a horrible heinous existence…a horror story like no other I could ever imagine. I would not wish this on my worst enemy…and we remember their childhood, all the fun memories and then “the demon ate it’s tail”…this is such a tragic crying shame.
So we try and we grieve and “but for the grace of God, go I”.
Any one of us could have been struck down and decimated by this shape-shifter, face-changer killer of all that we wished for our siblings!

I guess, Honey, that both you and I have to understand and accept that we can not do God’s healing or we become grandiose ourselves to think that we could.
So I leave my brother to his vicious illness since I can not imagine what more I can do to bring about the miracle of his instantaneous healing and resurrection…

Please know that you are not alone as I totally know that no longer am I alone in the kaleidoscope and twisted mirrors that is our siblings.

I pray God to heal them when I have tried for so many years and found out that I cannot.

Love and take mercy upon yourself,
K

18

Hi There!

I don’t know who you are or where you reside in this world of ours.
Nevertheless, I wish you health, happiness and all else that would make your existence special.
You responded to me right away and I welcomed all of your responses…I needed to hear what you had to say!
But, once more, I want to thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for offering me understanding and your perspective.
After all, no matter what, from either side of the coin, we are all “out in the wilderness” with this hideous thing.
So, thank you for being out there.
I, for one, have an “attitude of gratitude!”

Thank you, kind spirit!
K

19

Such an an amazing response from you that follows my thought processes!
I only base all of this on the worst thing I know in my back yard…the rattle snakes. I do not want to kill them; I’ve been vegetarian for 40 years.
My Hindu friends found a snake in their back yard and gave her a bowl of milk and then, from inside, watched her drink it.
Don’t you know, as I’m sure you do , that I want so much more than that for my brother?
And I’ve heard your heartfelt communiques to me…we must keep ourselves safe!
The rattlesnakes do not care about us…they only try to survive.
And so, my brother, in his way, is trying to survive too…but is that reptilian limbic brain region, that is the only thing left after his frontal cortex has been decimated by this damned disease?

Thank you, again! I only pray, that all the wonderful advice you gave me to stay away, you will use too and don’t forget, we’re doing this together.
The AA saying is “Let go and let God”…
Survivor guilt will, I believe, take us away from what God designed our own individual lives to be.
I truly believe, if it’s snowboarding, reading good books, hanging out with friends, whatever,we must do this to make our lives vibrant and free!
We so richly deserve this!

20

Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had that attitude? :wink: