I have schizophrenia and I'm a caregiver

Family
1

So I have schizophrenia and I live with my step grandmother. She’s been in my life since I was born. I moved in 15 years ago when my grandfather died.

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s. She basically has 2 families. Mine and hers. My entire life she has never spoken to her family. Now that she has Alzheimer’s she’s forgotten the things they’ve done. She’s invited them into our lives.

Her brother raped his own daughter and they had a kid. He’s never been prosecuted for it. The kid they had is around my age which is 43.

Her sister totally cut her out of their parents estate.

Her niece the one that her father rapped her called my grandmother and laid a sob story on her. She conned my grandmother into co signing on a car loan. My aunt made the bank repossess the car.

My family are the ones looking out for her. Her own family are nothing but parasites. Her forgetting about the things they’ve done is causing all kinds of problems.

My grandmother was drinking last year. She fell out of bed face first on a wooden floor. I called 911 and they took her to the hospital. She was 3 times the legal limit.

I have schizophrenia and I’m doing the best I can for her. I would lay down in traffic for her. When she fell out of bed we had a social worker show up on the doorstep. The whole side of her face was black and blue. The social worker asked if I did it. The blood drained out of my head. The first person they point the finger at is the crazy guy. The social worker said she was there because someone said someone was stealing my grandmothers money.

I had to take her credit and debit cards away last fall. She was giving her information out to scammers on the phone and in Emails. She thinks everyone is out to control her. We are and we’re not. We’re just looking out for her.

I take my grandmother to her doctors appointments. I do her grocery shopping. I make sure she eats. I put her medication out for her. I clean the house. The only thing my aunt does is make sure the bills are paid. I’m the one with the bank cards.

My grandmother is telling her church buddies people are stealing from her. You know how bad little old ladies and gossiping can be.

To top all of this off my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago. Small cell one of the worst forms.

I feel like I’m under a microscope with my grandmother. The social worker has been out of our lives for six months but could show back up at any time.

This is all on my shoulders to take care of her. I’ve gotta deal with her scum family the social worker and my what’s going on with my mom.

It’s hard enough dealing with my own illness and I have the rest of this to deal with. I’m so stressed out I’m smoking 4 packs of cigarettes a day. I told my doctor and he gave me Valium.

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It’s late at night so I’ll add some back story to all of this. My grandmothers brother is on his deathbed. Why no one ever went after him I don’t know. What happened took place back in the 1970’s. All of a sudden my grandmother thinks her brother is great. He quit drinking he’s great guy now ect ect. Makes want to puke. I’ve only met the guy twice.

My grandmothers sister had control over the estate when their parents died. My grandmother didn’t get anything.

My grandmothers nieces are sociopaths. I’m pretty street smart and I know psycho’s when I see them.

My grandmother promised her nieces they could have her money when she was gone. The problem is what ever my grandmother didn’t spend at the casino disappeared when the stock market imploded in 2008. Her nieces thought they were getting $500,000. My grandmother bailed on the stock market with only $50k left.

I take care of my grandmother the best that I can. I make sure she eats every day and takes her pills. I’m just worried with so many vindictive people in her family what kind of stunts they might try and pull.

Last fall I drove 50 miles round trip to take my mom to chemo and radiation every day. They had the freeway shut down for construction. I had to take the main roads which were bumper to bumper and it was a nightmare. What would have been a 20 minute drive one way took an hour.

I went to the doctor in April they found 3 growths in my lungs. I was suppose to go see a specialist but I haven’t done it. Honestly I’m so sick of everything.

My stepdad lost his job of 25 years right before my mom got sick. I was giving them my disability checks to keep them a float. The bank kicked them to the curb and repoed the house. My mom didn’t know it but my step dad didn’t make a house payment in 9 months. She was to sick to get the mail so she didn’t know until the bank showed up and tossed everything on the curb in the rain. The people that evicted my mom stole her laptop and tablet.

It’s just been one thing after another.

I could run away right now and not look back. My uncle offered to take me in but I’m not doing it.

3

I’m sorry to learn of the huge burden you are carrying. Caregiving is a difficult role for anyone.

The social worker was out of line. I hope if you are in a position to need social work involvement that another one will be assigned.

One of the things any caregiver is told repeatedly is to make sure to do self-care. It can become difficult to look after your own needs when overwhelmed with the needs of another. In your case, you should be extra-vigilant that you are taking time to decompress from the work of caregiving.

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4

Thanks for the suggestion. Yeah it’s had for me to find time for myself. I’m running myself ragged taking care of and helping everyone. Sometimes I just want to run away and wash my hands of the situation. It sound selfish but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Yesterday I cleaned the mold in the bathroom with bleach. My grandmothers friends are coming from out of town Sunday. I’ve gotta rent a carpet cleaner and clean the carpet before they get here. I don’t want them to think the house is dirty because I’m worried they might report me. There’s a big coffee stain in the middle of the carpet. I’ve been meaning to get to it but just haven’t found the time.

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5

@Vallpen is right. You have to take time for yourself. You deserve it and you need it, both mentally and physically. Set aside a certain amount of time each week and consistently take it for yourself. Do something that makes you happy and brings you a calm.

It sounds like you really have a lot on your plate right now. I hope you have the strength to stay strong and realize how fortunate your mother and grandmother are to have you. They really are, you know.

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I do understand. I think that all of us caregivers have felt that way, and probably more than once. I do hope you find some time to devote to yourself too. The coffee stain on the carpet can wait, taking care of yourself and your loved ones’ emotional needs is so much more important.

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