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I really don't know what to do please help


#1

hi everyone

I have an older brother who is schizophrenic. It has been more than 12 years since he is on this journey. I’m seeking for some advice what to do… please understand my english is not my first language so i might not select proper words to describe his condition.

Although he has been like this for more than 12 years, he still refuses to take medicine…
there is some time that he is keen to take medicines however once he starts to refuse, he doesn’t listen to anyone, even our mum. (He only trust my mum usually, other than her, he doubts that they will kill/threat/steal money from him or mum) Im no use because he doesn’t trust me and being so bossy over me because he is always right… No matter how many times we discuss why his behavior is not acceptable or why he has to take medicine, he just never listen to us. persuading that he is just like everyone else… or He believes that meditation is the only way he will be back to normal again.

my mum she is on medication due to depression and insomia…
It’s driving me and my mum crazy.

He always brought up some old stories that are not even true everytime when he is in ‘bad’ condition. always for this past 12 years. blaming others. appealing how vulnerable he is. never changes.

I have been trying to be nice to my mum and brother to support them but I am very concerned about future when my mum is not with me. He won’t listen to me, He might be violent to me. Even we tried to change medication to find what’s better for him. It doesn’t work.

please share some stories of you how did you overcome this kind of situation?
Thank you.


#2

Welcome amykim,

If you have a lot of time, read many of the threads already posted. Many stories of struggles and successes are already here, it’s a good way to get to know our community.

Dr Amador has written a book about communicating with our loved ones who don’t understand that they are ill. It’s a good place to start understanding the symptom anosognosia. Dr Amador also has many talks posted on YouTube. The name of the book is “I Don’t Need Help, I Am Not Sick”

Best wishes, Hope


#3

Welcome, Amykim. Your mum sounds similar to me, it is a hard road to be a caregiver.

I am fairly new to this forum, although it’s been more than 2 years I have been caring for my daughter. @hope Hope is correct, read as many of the past threads as you can, and the other pages of this site. You will learn a lot in a short period of time from this site. If you read the book Hope suggested, that will help you too. I read it a few months ago, when I was told of it (by someone on this site) and it helped to calm communication in our home greatly. My daughter became my friend again, instead of finding me an enemy.

Take care of yourself and your mum too: eat well, try to sleep, find ways to relax.

Best of luck.


#4

@hope @oldladyblue

Thank you for replying.
I know all of you have been in similar situations and I can’t imagine how much suffering you had. Me and my brother had not been in good relationship even before he was diagnosed due to his violent towards me. My mother always ignored and neglected me then only cared for my brother. TBH I am very worried when he tries to kiss/ hug/ hold me, I feel so disgusted. There is time he does that and there is time he just doubts me and be violent to me. Im afraid I will resent him one day after my mum passes. Even now I have days I would willing to care (For my mother) but some days I am so sick and makes me think why I need to care for him and don’t know how. I have panic attack since late 10’s due to all sort of domestic violence that my mum,brother and father have done to me. After my parents has divorced their violence had stopped but him … I remember he stabbed my locked door so many times. sigh… like these days when he is in not great days I feel so scared at night what if he comes up and stab me while im in sleep. (I guess it’s kind of paranoia from old past days) I try not to imagine such things. Try to be there for my mum but its so hard and scared. In my country, there is no such forum for families like us (as far as i know) because Im living in asian country where mental illness is something that need to be shameful. How stupid is that. We do have hospitals to treat but what about rest of the family members… ah… well…

anyways thank you for your advices. I will read as much as thread i can manage.

Best wishes to you all, amy


#5

The book by Dr Amador is about how to get a family member to take the meds they need.

I am so sorry about your brother. Some of us, including Dr Amador who wrote the book, have had scary nights being afraid of their family member with schizophrenia.’

I can’t get my son on meds. Like your brother he refuses to take them.