Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I Think Maybe It's Over


#1

My boyfriend has been getting more and more irrational and today he ruined his son’s birthday party by going down to his uncle’s house to drink beer. I was so furious with him and I left him at his mom’s. I really just feel like maybe it’s over for us. I love him but I don’t like him right now and I wouldn’t leave him because of his Schizophrenia but I feel like I’m going to have no choice but to leave him because of his drinking


#2

I’m sorry you are going through that. Alcohol and sz don’t mix. It’s not fair to you that he doesn’t take care of his illness, and then makes what already sucks worse by drinking. I think I told you that I laid out conditions very early in our relationship, zero alcohol, no drugs, quit smoking, and always take your meds. I told him that although it’s not his fault that he’s sick, it is definitely his responsibility to make sure his illness is treated properly. It’s a perfectly legitimate reason to leave him because he’s not following through with his treatment or messing it up with alcohol, if that’s what you decide to do.


#3

I’m sorry that this is happening to you… I’m sorry or the little guy who’s birthday was a bust.

I’m sad to say… I had a drinking problem… I was NOT a decent person at all. I lost a lot of people in my life… of course I blamed them for not understanding my Sz.

But when I got clean and sober people came back. It had NOTHING to do with my illness and everything to do with what an abusive ass I was when I drank.

Even if your guy had NO mental illness at all… alcoholism is a hard thing to live through. If you leaving him for a bit inspires him to put the bottle down…

Hopefully that will be the outcome. Good luck and I’m hoping the best for you and your little boy.


#4

maybe your just not compatible, if he was happy in the relationship he would’nt be turning to drink


#5

It’s not your fault. Alcoholism if that’s what he has us bad enough, but combined with schizophrenia is obviously even worse.

Do you know if he’s taking his meds for schizophrenia?

If you decide to stay with him, and drinking is the problem you can go to al-anon which is for people affected by alcoholism, but naturally the goal is to get them to go to AA.

But, it’s not your fault.


#6

I don’t know if you know this already, but alcohol counteracts antipsychotics. So if he’s a drinker and schizophrenic, that’s a big problem. Also, the illness affects the frontal lobe, and impulse control is reduced. That doesn’t mean he can’t control his impulses, but it makes it a lot harder to do. That’s part of the reason why so many people with sz end up with substance abuse problems. (not because they are unhappy with their girlfriends).


#7

I’m sorry you’re going through this. As @sacred said, alcohol and sz really don’t mix. I hope you are doing ok.


What would a normal parent do?
#8

Sorry for your troubles, but there is a larger concern here. Is your BF still able to care for his son properly? Is it time to alert the authorities for intervention? You have a choice about continuing in a sick relationship, but the child does not. Something to consider.

Best wishes.

Pixel.


#9

Idk, you all judge this person, do you know what he may go through? I almost never drink, but I can understand how difficult it is to deal with sz, can’t we forgive this guy for being alcoholic? Life sucks and it’s not fair to dump someone that has so many problems, where is the love?? Only on the surface? Forgive me, but I don’t think it’s a good advice to say that it’s a good idea to break up with that person. I understand that having someone who drinks is hard, but maybe he drinks 'cos he is not being really loved, so he could come over this with real love.


#10

No redrose, we can’t just forgive him for being an alcoholic. When he drinks, he puts the people around him in danger, and ends up being emotionally abusive. He’s a grown up. So if he’s got problems he should get help, not make things worse by drinking. It doesn’t give him the right to mess up other people’s lives. Relationships are give and take. Not just take, take, take.


#11

I see other people with not so many problems that are alcoholics, let alone we could forgive someone that has sz. As I said, he wouldn’t do it if his life was ok, he doesn’t do it as an amusement, we should respect him more, he does it because he feels very badly. If he had love in his life or was healthy probably he wouldn’t do it. Being abusive may suck, but he doesn’t do it on purpose, he is drunk at that time. I think he may need some help first and then be on a relationship, but with someone that really loves him.


#12

Redrose, He’s an adult, and he’s 100% responsible for what the drinking brings into his life, whether you like it or not.


#13

I don’t like your point,whether I like it or not, if you think you are an adult and you are 100% responsible for your actions, then try to get in his place.


#14

You are correct. I had to own the responsibility for my actions as the first step on the path to recovery.

10-96


#15

My BF’s son mother has custody of him and my BF never drinks in front of his son. His son actually stays with my BF’s mom most the time bc he is very attached to his grandpa anyway… He did leave his party to drink, which is horrible but his little boy is in a safe environment at all times.


#16

I have been with my BF for 17 months and on Saturday, I actually went back to his mothers and brought his meds to him (which he left at my house) bc I continue to take care of him even when he wont take care of himself. I pulled him onto the front porch and told him he was hurting his son and that’s when he started name calling and threatened to beat me right there in front of his whole family and that’s when I left.

He came back later that night and apologized and I told him he could see me. On Sunday he was sweet and kind and said all the right things, including admitting that he needs help with his drinking.

I went to the apartment today for lunch and there he was with a pack of beer, drinking once again so I walked out… Again.

I love him with my whole heart and he knows this is true and because I am aware that he has 2 different illnesses, I have been more than patient and understanding but his behavior is escalating and its to the point that I honestly do worry for my safety at times and when I do not feel safe, I cannot stay. It’s absurd for anyone to expect me to sacrifice myself for someone who gives up nothing for me. He knows he’s outta control and it breaks my heart to put this distance between us. I haven’t abandoned him. I respond when he contacts me and I keep in touch with his mom to help manage his care when he is too synptomaic to do so but i will not allow him to abuse, use or lie to me anymore


#17

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s too bad ha hasn’t shaped up. Take care of yourself.