HELP! Husband developed schizophrenia, I had to leave


#1

My husband was just diagnosed with sz 4 mosago. Also domestic abuse, mostly emotional, and alcoholism also. Because of these things our 2 baby sons have been in foster care since Dec. He’s like 2 differentmpeople. He acted really suapicious for 2 days and I’ convinced he was drinking.His episodes are sudden, freaky, and bizarrw. They scare the hell out of me.
But this is the last time. With deep sadness, guilt, and much regret at times I made him leave our house permanently today. If I didn’t separate from him we would inevitably both lose the kids bc of him, or we’d get them back and our poor boys would have to witness one of these disturbing episodes.
What the hell is wrong with him? I have suspected schizoaffective too and I don’t abuse my family the way he does, nor do I prefer alcohol or drugs to them.
I have no sympathy for him. He knew that one more slip and it’s over. He didn’t think I’d ever leave so he pulled his same old disappear to drink and then show back up whenever he wants expecting me to grovel to get him back but THIS TIME HE THREW HIS FAMILY AWAY. Good news is it looks like I’ll get full custody of the boys myself, bad news is it hurts that he doesn’t care. He hurt me so bad for the last time that I took the ultimate revenge- smashed his parents’ urns containing their ashes. He took away and threw away everything I have in this world so I finally made my final point- showed him how it feels.
But deep down I’m very hurt. I don’t understand about szaffective or alcoholism. No one knows where he is, he just leaves for days on a whim… is this typical sza behavior? My observation is that it’s sz+alcohol+evil. Is he a sociopath or just a drunken bully? I’m grieving for the man he once was but fighting guilt bc he says I drove him crazy. What is going on? Why? Anyone understand? What do I do?


#2

Alcohol doesn’t help at all in his current situation and could be where the bullying is coming from. Drugs and alcohol can mask the diagnosis. His freaky and bizarre behavior can be sz, but if he’s on drugs, it could be drug-induced psychosis. If he wants to clean up his act he could go to AA or NA. Medication won’t help him as long as he’s using drugs and alcohol. He has to want to get sober before he can recover.


#3

It’s unfortunate that you’re going through such rough times but I have to say that I find your post to be very offensive.


#4

If he didn’t behave like this before then its the illness. I understand the hurt, your angry. You need to get educated about the symptoms. He needs to seek help. He is probably self medicating the head ruckus, which will make it worse. Its a tough course for everyone involved. It is common for them to seem to not care, he is not functioning. Go through these boards and you will see alot of post about this and on the nami website. Psychosis from alcohol is usually temporary, don’t know why or what the circumstance when he was diagnosed. Was he hospitalized, if so how long?


#5

I think you did right kicking him out. I don’t know about the urns, though. Sometimes I look back at the way I’ve behaved when I was off my med’s, and I can only cringe. You didn’t say if your husband was getting treatment or taking med’s. It doesn’t sound like he is. The only person who can help your husband is himself. He needs to quit drinking and get mental help. If he won’t do this then you’re better off without him.


#6

I don’t think he is a sociopath etc. He is suffering from sz or szaffective plus addiction. Both are hard enough on their own but together they are a recipe for disaster.

If you are leaving him for the purpose of building a better life for you and your boys then you are doing the right thing. Your boys safety should be the first concern.

Is he receiving any type of treatment?


#7

I’d like to say that there are plenty of men who are horridly abusive alcoholics and have no mental illness when they sober up.

But it sounds like this situation is some what over for you now. You’ve kicked him and you get your sons back. That is what you can build on.

Let the past go, and I hope he gets some treatment. You have to focus on the future now since he’s gone and out of your family. Good luck to you and your sons.


#8

You say you have “suspected sza”. Suspected by whom? And has that also got something to do with your children being in care? It’s good to end a violent relationship, but you need to sort out your own problems too. Hopefully, this will give you the chance. And give your children a chance too.


#9

Right now, the well being of your kids is your number one priority. Get them home, back to their routine and give them as much normality as you can. The fact that it got to the stage where they were put into foster care clearly signifies that your husband is a problem that you cannot afford.

My ex had schizoaffective disorder, diagnosed about 3 years into our relationship. There was some confusion as to what he had - perhaps dual diagnoses but he never stuck around long enough for psychiatrists to be able to know for sure. Honestly, there were times when I thought I was going crazy. He would disappear for days/weeks/months - his drug of choice was marijuana but he was no stranger to binge drinking either. I tried to help but I couldn’t force it…his capacity for change was so limited that I had no option; I left. He moved in with some friends, continued smoking dope full-time until he just had some sort of melt-down, was hospitalised for a while…but he’s been doing weird stuff for the past 3 years. Refuses to stick to any sort of treatment program. He got married and divorced within 12 months; his ex wife doesn’t want to ever see him again. Not sure what happened there but I can only imagine it wasn’t pleasant.

Initially, I was angry - angry that I gave him all the support and love in the world, only to have it thrown in my face; I was merely blocking his pathway to drugs and ongoing psychotic episodes, which he hated me for. He saw me as this nuisance that was ‘forcing’ him towards therapy…so when he ran away the last time, I made sure it was literally the last time; otherwise I’d be stuck in that same cycle today.

Focus on you and your kids. For all your sakes, stop beating yourself up. It’s not your fault, nor is it his…he has choices, but he’s not ready to make the right ones. Maybe he never will be, or maybe something will ‘click’ on day… but you can’t afford to stick around.

Look after yourself and realise that the environment you were in, the one your kids were in…was a bad one. You have a choice. You’re not a bad person for protecting yourself and your kids.


#10

Whoa…this is typical ALCOHOL behavior! the label of sz and sza is most likely misplaced because I bet if he quit drinking things would change. I know, I used to drink…not even every day and some of this stuff went on though not as bad as you describe… I fixed it by quitting drinking…period. I was also diagnosed sza…but it turned out to be mood swings caused by alcohol because I would drink for a couple days then stop and go through a depression but when i drank it would make me hyper and I would stay up all night…of course the doctors said it was sza bipolar. However when I stopped drinking all those manic & depressive symptoms went away.

idk about taking off for days at a time. I never did that. Some people do that when they are cheating or else just trying to get away so they can be free to live their lifestyle without their spouse bothering them about it.

people quit drinking and drugs because they want to and come to the self realization that they need to…for me AA and NA would have been useless. i went to a few AA meetings when I was 18 and had been sober for almost 4 months without it… I heard someone tell a drinking story that was funny and i could relate to, and it tempted me to have drinks. I don’t need to hear stories about alcohol or have it thrown in my face at some meeting. I don’t drink because I made the choice not to drink and I don’t even want to hear peoples stories about it on a regular basis. Besides I think AA is a cult, honestly. Google ’ AA is a cult’ and look at some of the stuff that comes up before you run off to some meeting.

I hope he quits drinking for the sake of his family and for his own health. You can’t force someone to quit and trying to convince them almost always seems like lecturing and can drive someone to drink more or sneak around and hide it. You need to pray earnestly he comes to the personal realization to quit and then follow through with it.