Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

If only ….i could help my son

If only i had guardianship my son would be in hospital, again, last admission about 3 months ago, the dr would not sign the papers. He stopped his meds the minute he got home. Of course by now he needs admission again. But until he is at his worse and threatens someone, there is nothing we can do. He is putting holes in the walls, somehow broke our deck, which is composite wood. I’m so tired of a trashy house… it’s embarrassing. . Just so tired of this life. And he has no life. I feel so bad for him too. No answers.

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I am so sorry, I understand. If one doctor does not sign papers then another will. I would not trust a doctor that stood in the way of a loving family member helping their mentally ill loved one. Doctors should work for their patients and not against them. Try to get a second opinion and don’t give up. It will be worth it in the end. If your son had a doctor on a previous hospitalization, they can give an opinion. Otherwise I would just try to get an entirely different doctor that supports a guardianship path. Take care and stay strong.

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This is really frustrating! I know what you are going through, we’ve been there, I have total guardianship of my son and he’s been involuntarily hospitalized a few times also; in 2019 he was in and out of the hospital 6 times! and each time was the same: as soon as he was discharged he stopped the meds. He was 3 weeks in the hospital and 3-4 days out to go back again (frequent flyer); out of those 3 weeks in the hospital he was not forced to take the meds, he was taking the meds only 4-5 days each time. Couple of times we were close to have a court hearing but if the doctor thinks that they are not in danger to themselves or others they don’t proceed with the hearing but also they can be hospitalized involuntarily and last minute they (the patiens) sign the papers for voluntary admission they won’t proceed with the hearing.
The laws for the mental health need to be reviewed; in a normal circumstance when you draw your will you have to name a person to be your POA in case you become unable to make decisions of any kind so my question is how in the world when I am the guardian I can’t have the court to force the meds when I know everyone concerned will be better off. Doctors don’t live with them and I know my son is very good at saying that there’s nothing wrong with him, “we are the problem”!
I have also sat down with the Social Worker a few times but since my son doesn’t want to answer the interview questions they don’t take him in (on a group home).
You might learn a lot from the book “I am not sick I don’t need help” from doctor Xavier Amador and also the family to family classes from NAMI, they are free of charge.
They’re really helpful and you also get to meet others for support as well as in this platform.

Take care are. You’re not alone. Many of us go through the same.

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Yes sounds exactly like us. Want to get him on housing list, but he won’t talk to them. I have that book, and numerous others. We were going to NAMI, but no classes since covid started.

Hey shallcro. I know you’ve been here awhile… im sorry and I know the frustration. I myself just lost my s*** last week, contra to everything I KNOW about LEAP, anosognosia, and the rest of it… it just tiring. I lost my patience. I screamed. I yelled. I didn’t throw anything but I then calmly and quietly put all trash and rotting clothing into trash bags and lined them up in an exceptionally fashionable way out the front door (I don’t recommend this. It’s really not good for anybody. Sigh.) Just absolutely tiring… (contractor bag of rot made it into the laundry machine though. Sigh. Small wins.) And whichever one of you said it’s embarrassing, absofrigginLUTEly!
This may sound odd, but I’m curious as to why your loved ones, without a court order where they comprehend some kind of ‘repercussions’, will take meds when in hospital and not at home? In my country, it’s still every individual’s right to refuse meds or treatment of any kind. What is happening there that when they are in hospital that they are ‘compliant’? Maybe it’s just the idea of ‘fake it till you make it’ where they know that their only way out of hospital is if they comply :thinking:.
And yes, again, too familiar with “it’s everybody else”.
I guess the next thing I did, the next day, was to find something that my loved one enjoys and involves himself in for a positive focus: I bought us a new plant to enjoy. I put it in the dirt. He makes a religious effort to water. Which is great. Then I don’t have to… and we both smile.
Sigh.
Then I go to the hardware store for more spackle and compound… maybe some nails and board. I keep a gallon of trim paint on hand…

Yes i lost it again last night. He kicked the door practically down, then told me someone threw a rock through it. Glass everywhere. He finally confessed and gave us cash to fix it. I called police, but they didn’t want to arrest him. If they did they would take him in and he wouldn’t be able to have any contact with us. Maybe this is what he needs , and us. I don’t know. Its just awful living like this. He squeezed the back of my neck “ just kidding “ he says. Then he squeezed my wrists really hard. Next time i will kick him where the sun doesn’t shine. I told officer all this. This really sucks living like this.

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If he is a danger to you call the cops and they can bring him to hospital to get evaluated.

Hi Wisdom, I’ve lost my cool many times before and I still I regret it bc I know my son has a mental illness and I should know better but we’re humans and as such we’re trying to make the best of it but it takes time to ‘digest’ this heavy course; forgive yourself. As far as our loved ones taking the meds while they’re in the hospital they have outsmarted the doctors and nurses, some ‘learn’ quickly that they should stay on their meds but others ‘think’ that they’ll take them while they’re in the hospital only; for the last 3 years my son has been doing exactly that and he’s been in and out of the hospitals.
It’s frustrating, and puts one’s patience to the limit.
Yesterday out of concern I called the Care line to make the assessment for my son, I didn’t want to call 911, in these instances the person who calls and the person to be assessed have to be at home, so the social worker called the hospital to have my son admitted but my son took off to the corner to catch the bus and all of us were sure that he was going to be involuntarily admitted but at this point since he didn’t really attack no one we had to let be. At night I picked him up over his friends apartment and as soon as we got home he went downstairs and I really thought he had fallen asleep but no, he was busy dumping bottles of ensure, tea, and bottle water in a small trash can and some on a couch, in the computer, over the printer, disconnected the internet cables; unbelievable! He has done it before as I have called the authority so I didn’t think this was going to happen since I didn’t call the cops but the Care Line. Yes, my patience is a little better since I know it’s the illness taking over but still is frustrating! Good thing he went to spend the night at the hotel and I offered him to stay there for a month but he said no! :frowning:
I read a phrase: when chaos appears life begins!!! Haha
We’re old and it helps to move around but I didn’t count on being cleaning often after him.
Take care, you have plenty of company here.

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