@Lily1
I have been where you are many times. Its the worst place to be but know that it will not always be like this. As mentioned documentation is important. I documented in detail like a daily journal:
Mood
Hygiene
Sleep patterns
Communication patterns
Eating patterns
Bizarre behaviour
Anything else you think is important
I also journaled about my feelings and anything I felt like which was helpful just for me personally. No one has to see those parts just keep for yourself. Over time you will forget many details so you want to have them documented. You can then refer to your journal and write summaries of details so they fit on one page with dates for his caregivers when needed.
The one thing that helped me was travelling 2 hrs to the nearest city to a support group. This was an information group but I waited till it was over then asked the speaker ( a mother of a son with schizophrenia ) who I could talk to to get help for my situation with my unmedicated son. She gave me a name of a counsellor who worked for the support group and guides family through the mental health system and supports you. It was free! I also ended up with her as a good friend and mentor.
Keep calling and asking to find someone who can help you. If the person you call can’t help you go to the next person till you find someone who can.
At one time I found a one on one family support worker who I met with once a week at a coffee shop because I could not take time from work to attend the support group. She was fabulous!
Contacting info below will hopefully get you someone to talk to so you can find support. Say you are looking for support for you as a family member with a son who is relapsing.
Hugs to you.
The NAMI Florida office is located in Tallahassee. Our mailing address is:
I purchased a journal yesterday and starting to document on my son and opposite page my reactions to his mood and reactions.
I need to document or get on file a 1013 form(?) on file so if I can’t get my son back home or closer to me he MAY get quicker or better help with this file on him should or when needed…
I read “I’m not sick” often during the day and I am looking forward to family session at NAMI tomorrow night…a friend gave me a refrigerator magnet…”pray more and worry less”
Thank you old lady blue. I have a knot in my stomach everyday. I know is coming, the day he gets again. I am preparing myself and yet, how do one prepare themself to see their son or daughter sick. I didn’t know about the shot, I only wish my son would get the shot, but he is in denial. May I ask where you live? Florida’s laws when it comes to taking someone to have them evaluated is terrible. They need to find that the person wants to hurt someone or themself, crazy right?
Hope wow, thank you so much for all this information. I have to prepare myself, it’s just a matter of weeks, if that before he starts to get I’ll. Because he is an adult the doctor won’t even talk to me although I let them have it.
I did buy the book " I am not sick " I might have said it wrong. I also found the NAMI classes that I will attend. I know my son has anosognosia. I feel awful that I was so tough on him, when he had no insight of what he is going through.
I was upset when he would call 911 and tell them their are people after him and he was in danger. Good thing I found that the police are getting trained in dealing with people like him. Because he would call them at least 3 times a day. My son is respectful and not aggressive. So the police would talk to him. They could have arrested him, for false report but they told me they didn’t want to take him into jail it would not be the right place for him. But he told me the people lived upstairs and he had to warn the other tenants. I am living in an apt right now and the last time he was sick they wanted us out. It was chaos, I am buying a small home, so no one will kick us out. The reason the apt complex wanted us out was because, my son was smoking out side and he was scaring people. My son didn’t say a word, it was only because he was carrying a back pack with his other medication. He does it incase he has to leave. I told the complex to check his back pack to call the police and have his back pack, if that makes them feel better. But I was checking his backpack everyday. All he carries is his medications and his personal things. He only Carrie’s his back pack when he is ill. I am sorry I am going on and on. This is killing me that he will be going through this hell again. Florida is very funny, the last time my son was sick I called the crisis center and they didn’t sound to sure about coming to evaluate my son. I was given excuses that it’s going to take a long time for someone to come to my house and they may not have anyone till the next day. 911 comes but they cannot take him in unless he is a harm to himself or others. They told me, they cannot take away his rights arggg. Sometimes I feel like picking up and moving to a place with better mental health facilities and laws.
But thank you again, for all the information. I am going to start calling around tomorrow. Again sorry for my venting. Unless you have someone with this illness no one understands.
God be with us all, this is a hard cross to carry.
It is good @Lily1 that you are able to buy a home. We own our home and that made it much easier to try to handle things when my daughter was in her psychosis. I could build in a back door so she could come and go unmonitored, a hallway wall to cut down the screaming noise, etc. We are in Pinellas County Florida. Once I learned the laws, connected up with NAMI and got to know some of the police due to their many, many visits to our home, it became easier to navigate a crisis. Truthfully, I owe the police and the judge, as I think without her 2nd arrest and my ability to navigate the system and the HIPPA laws, my daughter would still be unmedicated.
@Momof2 I hope that this is a start to your son getting the help he needs. Do what you can to make sure the hospital understands his history…give them the written history in as organized a format as you can…so that they won’t release him prematurely. You may have to appear at mental health court to keep him beyond a certain number of days. The hospital will let you know if that is to occur. You will want to think about where he will go when he is discharged. Do you want him to come home? Does the hospital have suggestions for out-patient treatment or residential care? As Guardian, you can say where your son lives, but it does not mean that he has to live with you. Of course you love him but you are willing to take the necessary actions to help him to have a better life!! If you used an attorney for the Guardianship, the attorney might give you advice along these lines. Also, NAMI in your state may be able to offer suggestions. Hugs, and more hugs…
Bless you in this journey. A friend of mine likes to say “It is a marathon, not a sprint.” Please keep us posted on how things go for you and for him. We care so very much.
Thanks hope4us. I did write up a history with lots of details for the hospital as of this minute he is not coming home after discharge, he really needs to be in a group setting with restrictions and to interact with people he has been socially isolated for at least 2 years .we are taking the family to family cours again and will be training as facilitators for a support group in our area. This has been a long time coming and I,m so happy that’s he,s finally getting help
I’m so glad to get this news! Are you working with the hospital for a plan for his eventual discharge? Keep us posted when you have the opportunity. This is a marathon and not a sprint!
Well here we r 6 months later and things are actually worse…I am having to sell the home where I let him stay and come March 20 he will be living out of his car.
He met some people and let them come into the house, stay, tear it up so I am selling because he will not get help, obey the law, and I am too far away to try to correct situation. My heart is broken
This is hard and you had very good intentions. You may have tried (and I’m sure it is hard long distance), but establishing boundaries and holding to them is crucial to how we help our loved ones, especially in regard to living arrangements. Is there an option for him to be closer to your home?
Thank you for your reply. It really helps to get others opinions as all we really have is each other. No one else understands our pain and at some point along this journey we have been there.
You can only do what you can do @Ohmywhatnow . You have done a lot providing him a place to live, and unfortunately from a distance there really is only so much you can do. The financial burden and emotional stress are hard. Each of us has our own path on this journey and we have to do the best we can and forgive ourselves for any shortcomings in how we wanted things to go.