As I write this, my sweet son is finally settled down and laying on the sofa across from me. I am beginning to learn about my son what he might have since he started living with me this past 6 months ago. He lived with his dad since the divorce (8yrs ago) and my other two children lived with me. My ex told me in the past that he had Asperger and that is the reason why his behavior was odd sometimes. So, whenever he was with me, I assumed that it was due to his Asperger. During his living with his dad, he had difficulty in school and eventually, he was unable to complete his final yr of high school but he successfully obtained his GED. I have learned that during the years when he was living with his dad, he did not include much of outside activities so he became more isolated from the outside and spent majority indoors and was introduced to cyber community and his only friends were in cyber community. He had no responsibilities because his dad took care of it for him.
In 2015, all seemed to change for my son. I wish, I had it known sooner. His dad was seeing someone and started leaving him by himself extended periods. In January 2016, when he visited me and his older brother to celebrate his 21st birthday, he was so excited and was having so much fun, he seemed very happy. In March 2016, is when I believe it was his first breakdown. At the time, I was so clueless. I vividly remember answering my son’s call. His frantic and scared voice telling me that he is feeling so cold and his feet and hands were about to fall off. I managed to reach his sister living nearby to take him to the hospital ER. When I drove 2 hrs to get to the hospital, my son’s eyes were not my boy I knew. He was discharged from the emergency saying that nothing was wrong with him and advised to get some rest. My son told me that he was not able to get some sleep for the longest time and have not been eating for several days. At the time, I assumed it was due to lack of rest and nutrition. Second, it was June 2016, a call from hospital. Looking back, I wish, I had known better. August 2016, his father abandoned him at the house I owned in town where my son was.
In Oct 2016, I packed up from the city and relocated back to be with my son. At the time, I was still thinking that my son had a highly functional Asperger (from what my ex told me). So, I had a goal to come back and teach him a life skills so he can be independent on his own. We made a list of task for him to do and also made a goal for him. He was doing so well. He alone applied and got a job working at local fast food. He was so happy and loving it. I was so proud of him. Then all of sudden, in March 2017, things start to change. He was having hard time sleeping. I’ve asked him numerous time if something was stressing him but he did not vocalize. He tends to keep it inward, I’ve noticed. Due to lack of performance at the job, he was let go in April. His father was constantly harassing him about wanting his car back. I’ve noticed my son not getting out of the bed. spent most of the days in his room lying. I don’t know if there was too much stress which triggered his breakdown. In May, I started noticing his behavior change. Started pacing a lot and from what I can tell, he was talking to himself. When I asked him, he said that he had a special power of telepathy and was able to talk to people from other part of the world. As day went by, it got worse. It was to the point where I was frightened that he could harm himself. I did not know what to do so I’ve reached out to his former psychologist whom my son saw during his teen year briefly. As soon as Dr saw him, he advised me to admit him. Since he was no longer minor, I was not able to force him to go but thank god that he agreed to go willingly. He was too busy pacing and talking to voices in his head. I don’t know what they gave him at the hospital but he seemed to be doing better whenever I went to visit him. My son was discharged from the hospital after 4 days. He was prescribed Benztropine and Zyprexa for 14 days until his follow-up appt. When he got home, medication he was given was making him worse. He did not want to take it but I encouraged him to take it. After being on one week, he stopped taking it and he seems to be doing better. Then when he saw the doctor on Monday, he prescribed him Prozac. My son did not start Prozac until yesterday, and today, him hearing voices came back and he started pacing again. His doctor advised me to stop Prozac and have my son come see him on Tuesday. If he gets worse during the weekend, admit him to hospital.
As a mother, I feel like I have failed my duty as mother. I have been wondering if he lived with me, could things have been different. Since he is no longer minor, what are things I can do to help him? I’ve been doing lot of research trying to understand mental illness. Reading up on articles, studies, and medications, etc. As a mother, it hurts to see your son hurting (and he does not know). I hope and pray that I have the strength and patience to stand strong and help my son to find out what is causing him all these. Thank you for reading my post. This was great help for me internally. To let it out.