Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Loosing the love of your life, the one person that makes it all worth it

I’m about to loose the one person I love the most in the world.
I understand we all have to endure so many hardships, having a loved one suffering from sz.
My mother is schizophrenic and has been since before I was born. It was a horrible childhood but I was fortunate enough to be brought up by my grandparents after my mother was committed. I was ten years old at the time.
My grandfather is dead and I’m afraid my grandmother will soon be following him.
People just don’t understand how can I be so attached to her. People grow old and die, but it isn’t that simple when you’re talking about a person who saved my life, who put up with my mother’s illness just to take care of me.
My grandma is 93 years old so I’ve taken care of her for the last decade or so. But she’s also taken care of me the whole time. Her love is the one thing that keeps me sane.
I’m about to be all alone in the world. Just me and my sz mother who can’t even relate to my feelings of complete void, helplessness.
Life is so pointless right now.
But my responsibilities do go on.
My mother is mentally ill and I have to attend to her needs everyday for the rest of my life.

3 Likes

im sorry you have to go through this joana…i know its tough losing someone close to you

1 Like

It seems that life goes full circle. Now you honor your grandma’s memory by doing to your mom what she did to her daughter, caring for her

1 Like

I’m so sorry you are going through this grief
You are so strong and it might not always feel like it but somewhere your mum is thankful to you

1 Like

Hey,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I’m sorry it took me long enough to respond. It’s just been a lot to deal with and I’m not at my best.
I’m aware none of us has been dealt a fair hand.
Even though I’ve been my sz mother only caregiver for almost a decade now I’ve had my grandmother - at least on paper - to share that burden with. And I’ve had my grandmother with certain as my go to person in real life. I understand she’s old by all standards but she’s the one person who stood by me always. Not only me. The woman cared for three sz children!, and both her and my grandfather are perfectly normal.
She’s capable of unconditional love, truly.

Thank you so much for your input.
I never allowed myself to think about having children of my own. All that genetic baggage it didn’t seem fair. I don’t know what are the odds of having 3 sz children as my perfectly healthy grandparents had, but I would guess they’re pretty slim. My grandma dealt with that brilliantly.
She managed to love and support economically and emotionally her children.
I understand it must be all but natural to think life goes full circle when someone very old dies, but it doesn’t. Not for me. She’s the love of my life and she’s dying. Nothing feels natural or fair right now, to be honest.
I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m in the acceptance place I should be at. I sound very bitter, actually, and for that I’m sorry.
I don’t expect anyone to understand the loving bond that ties my grandmother and I together. She saved me. I pretty much owe her my life.
I feel totally alone and don’t know what to do - of course I’ll take care of my mother as I promised - but I don’t know what to do with myself.

Thank you. It means a lot that I’m not alone.
I appreciate so much what you said about my mother. She’s been ill - and very much so - since I was a small child. And I tend to think of her as being someone I have to tend for 24/7. As more of an obligation than a person. And she can be supportive sometimes.

1 Like

Unwell people in care of a relative are a burden.
There is no getting away from it
My mum cares for my sister who has been psychotic for 8 years with alcoholism and my mum be said that when she is away for a few weeks and is trying t ok lead her own. Life that it is actually worse not knowing what she is doing and if she is safe
I don’t know if this is how it feels for you because the relationship is a different one - mother or daughter- but she says she prefers to have her staying because she chooses her hell
I’ve been psychotic for a total of at least 5 years and our mid sister was psychotic for 12 years before being killed by a car hitting her.
I know it’s different
But I feel you have been through this too but since you were a child you were responsible
It shouldn’t be like this but it is sometimes