If it was my son, I could see him withdrawing $100, buying what he wanted at the time, then losing the rest of the money or giving it away. I could also see him buying street drugs for himself and anyone he was friends with. Or buying stuff he doesn’t need.
There’s just no way to tell, and when you’re a parent, you don’t want to cut off all contact, and that’s what cutting off the money could mean.
I would be thinking of a way to use the money to get what I wanted - which in this case would be to find out where he is. Maybe say I wanted to send the money Western Union or something that requires a location for the recipient, or tell him I’d send him a gift card for a local fast food place or convenience store. Something so he has to give up a little more information.
There are many places to get food. I want your son to eat. There are soup kitchens, food banks, and as gross as it is, garbage cans. There are lots of places that can help with food. Some people wait near outdoor restaurants and pick food off plates after patrons leave the plates to be cleared.
He will definitely not starve to death unless he actively chooses this.
If you cut him off, let him know why: because you do not know where he is and you do not know what he spent the $100.00 on. Also, he is not polite to you, which, I don’t know if that would be a factor in your decision.
he has been asking for give him $600.00 in one shot and I have refused so far.
He did buy something from Amazon for $35.00 and not sure what and he is not telling.
He has been living so far on a Average of $18 a day and I know this is low since he is sleeping on the streets, i think.
I know the city he is at but I want him to communicate all this to me and I want him to get in touch with my brother.
but all his emails have this sentence:"just give me the money"
and his is ignore all my questions.
I cannot communicate with him. I am just a Bank Account for him to get $
This is very true. Same thing has happened with my fiancé and he cannot handle money. If you give him an $100 bill, he will lose it. Any money that you give him he’ll spend it the same day or on things that he doesn’t need. In the past he used to spend his allowance or the money he would get from his job on drugs. A year ago I gave him a gift card and he donated to a forum about drugs. I agree with you about using it to help find them instead of just giving it away freely.
When my fiancé was living by himself, what his mom would do was send the person renting him the place the check directly. It’s not a bad idea, I just don’t know if you can do that with a grocery store.
in Case, he overdrafts his account, I would only give one option: to just pay for his food directly to Restaurant store Owner/Manager until he starts communicating with me.
I understand that it is better to pay Doctors bills, utilities, etc but my son is miles and miles away and communicating with me through emails only and when I do not respond, he will call at night 10 times to ask me to deposit money.
My son doesn’t do it in email, but if he’s worked up about something, he’ll repeat the same thing over & over & over again.
I don’t know if it means he thinks he’s not being heard or what, but it’s upsetting to me - or was, now I just block it out until he stops.
I agree you shouldn’t respond for awhile.
You know, if he’s sending those through emails, if he doesn’t have the IP blocked and isn’t using a VPN or anything, you might be able to figure out where he is pretty close.
I don’t know how to do it off the top of my head, but I don’t think it’s all that hard.
[quote=“Doctor, post:91, topic:2708, full:true”]
Is that something that is feasible though?
[/quote[quote=“CAAR2016, post:90, topic:2708”]
ner/Manager until he starts communicating with me.
[/quote] not sure. what else I can try other than Starving him!
I get that, I really do. But just try tough love for at least a week, see how that turns out. If not you can always go back with the allowance until one day they find him or he decides to come home himself. My fiancé is currently the hospital, I just got off the phone with him. He wants to get out, but I can’t do anything until he takes medication which he’s refusing and they won’t let him out until he’s stable. If someone refuses your help and what you can give/offer them for their benefit, the best thing you can do is let fate run its course.
I am going to try ignoring him and not responding to his emails or phone calls for several days and see what happens.
I am not surprised that your fiance wants to get out and not want to take his medicine.
My son always want to get out in very hospital/rehab he was admitted to and he was very good at manipulating me of getting him out from the last rehab and I am now really regretting the decision.
I would advice you to not let you fiance out before he is more stable and try to get him into Rehab for few months if possible.
I can’t get him out even if I wanted to, his mother has representative custody and is keeping him there along with the doctors. He hasn’t been on drugs for months now, so he doesn’t need rehab.