Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

My son left home and he is another state and Homeless. What is the Next step


#1

this is a continuation. of this Topic: My Son Just left home after 5 months of Hospital and Rehabilation.

Now, my son is sending me emails to have me put deposit money for food in his Account from my Bank of America account but he would no tell me where he is at.

He over drafted his account by $300.00 last week.

I emailed him back to ask him where he is so I can get him a Train
ticket to come back home to eat and sleep…but he keeps saying that I am not his Mother and my home is not his home and does not tell me where he is at.

I suggested to him to go to Homeless Shelter but he replied that he will never go to Homeless shelter.

if you are in my place what would you do? Would you keep giving him money ?
would it be Ok to punish him and not give him money knowing that he is mentally Sick.
Not sure what to do. I am afraid if he is hungry and get hurt, then I would not be able to forgive myself of not giving him money.
Any sugestions!


#2

NAMI guide to finding people has all the steps to take: http://www.namifingerlakes.org/Documents/Locating-Missing-Persons-with-Mental-Illness.pdf

I don’t know what I would do about sending money. I would maybe try to order a pizza or other meal they like from a place they suggest and pay over the phone with a credit card if they called and told me they were hungry… Then try to get them somewhere safe with a train or bus or plane ticket. If they don’t want to come to my home, then try to figure out where they could go and be safe.

I think it’s okay to give or not give money. But I definitely wouldn’t give money through an overdrafted account because I would have to make up all those fees and the overdrafted amount.


#3

I would not look at punishment because you don’t punish someone for having an illness. If he is using drugs or around people that are, that is where the money is going likely in my opinion. I guess you have to look at what can you do to keep him alive until he can get help. You will need to know where he is to help him.


#4

I think you are right. I told to tell me where he is but he would not. he keeps asking for $.
I suggested to wire him the $ to Walmart or Walgreen or safeway where he can pick up, but he is not giving a location.
all he wants is for me to transfer $ to his Bank of A Account and he Bank of A account is over drafted by $300.00.

I am not sure how to convince him to tell me where he is. He is using other people’s phone to call me.
the calls shows as private on my cell phone.
I just added a feature on my phone to unmask private Numbers. will see if it works.


#5

this is hard since he is not using his phone and took the SIM Card out of his phone and keeps using people’s phone to call me. All he wants is for me to transfer $ to his Bank of A Account that us over drafted by $300.00.

I am not sure how to convince him to tell me where he is. He is using other people’s phone to call me.
the calls shows as Private on my cell phone.
I just added a feature on my phone to unmask private Numbers. will see if it works.

I am waiting until he gives up and tell me his location.


#6

Did you file missing person with police Department ?
That’s how I found my son.


#7

Ugh. I’ve been through similar circumstances. At times I would actually call a grocery store and pay for a store gift card. But of course, your son would have to reveal where he is. I guess I would stand firm on not sending more money, but offer to pay for a room at a motel or gift cards for specific stores.

Our kids would put us all in the poor house if we just gave them money with no limits. At least my son would have at that point in his life.


#8

I did file a police Report with the local Authority


#9

My heart goes out to you. With our son, money is the key manipulator. If we wanted to see him , especially around the holidays, we would get word out that there was an envelope for him here. We would usually see him within the same day. He needs money from you, you need to see him. USE IT. You will help him but he needs to get to you , that will also help you decide if the money is needed for drugs or food and shelter. You will feel guilty if the money is for drugs and you helped him, you will feel guilty if he’s hungry and didn’t help, you basically will feel guilty no matter what happens even though you shouldn’t. So use the money to get what you want from him, that’s my opinion, hope it helps.


#10

Yes, I agree. this is what I told him yesterday.
I did send him numerous emails that i can only give $ for food and a Train Ticket to come back home.
I did ask him to go to Shelter to take a bath and sleep.
if I offer to pay for a motel, then he would probably stay there for long time. I cannot afford motels other than few days.
He is many miles away from me.
This is not the first time he is doing that with me. He has been to 4 hospitals and every time he get from Hospital or a Rehabilitation, he become non-complaint on meds and cycle start all over again.
Also, he doe snot want to follow up with Social Security when he in not on meds.
If I have to give in to him, I will definitely get to poor house soon.


#11

Remember, the fewer words the better. Bank account is overdrawn. Not an option. Repeat if necessary until you know he understands. Jus a suggestion I thought of today. I’m praying for both of you.


#12

Thanks Mon2 for your prayers. this is really breaking my heart.
I am trying to do 2 jobs so I can help him more…

I am not sure what to do with his Student loans and Credit Cards. I have POA over his finances.
Would be better if pay his Debts.


#13

Thanks Hmie01 for your Sweet response. my Heart is broken and I cried last night thinking about him. I want to give him Money for Food and train ticket to coma back home but he is still not revealing his location and he wanted only for me to put the money in his over drafted Bank of A account.

I keep sending him emails to go to restaurant close to him like Panera bread and I will pay for his food as gift card that would last him for a week. but he is still not working with me on that.

I wonder how he is eating and where he is sleeping. I ask him to go to a Shelter but he keeps saying he will not go there unless he is close to death and of course he would not go to a Social Security office or Wellfare office to ask for help.

Praying now that he accepts to come back home during this holidays…


#14

I did file a missing police report with local Authority 10 days ago.
he is calling me now. but still do not know what city he is at. he is using someone else phone to call me and all the telephone numbers coming through as Private or Unknown calls.


#15

Don’t feel you have to take on his debts. You Heath is important. In my opinion he doesn’t need credit right now. We made a nice apartment above my office and he literally has trashed it. I try to help it clean it up once a week. The rug looks horrible. There is no doubt he would be evicted out in the real world. Today was a good day however. He helped me unload the dishwasher and vacuumed a room. He is still talking to us but also responding to other stimuli. It can always be worse. Thanking God he is safe tonight and hope the same for your son. I pray you hear from him soon.


#16

Hi, I would not pay debts if family member with sz is an adult and I am not co-signed on them. Also, I would not use that Bank of America account that is over drafted. He can clean up that financial mess later when he is stabilized and well on the way to recovery. That’s when you help too. For example, “If you pay off the first $1,500.00, I will pay off the last $300.00.” When he is ready and stable, however long that takes.

Spending limited resources, use them for basic needs like food, clothing, shelter, transportation to home or other safe place.

But I understand why we all start paying debts that aren’t ours, cleaning trashed rooms, renting apartments, cooking food, all this activity because we want to help so much and we don’t know what to do.


#17

called me to Curse at me and all my Family ( GrandFather, uncles, aunts…), he said very bad words and it is not unusual. When he is without Medicine, he curses at me often, I think he vents out his Anger by cursing.
Before he left, he wanted to Confront a friend and curse him. He kept on Saying that when he has a headache, he must confront a person that he does not like to feel good.

He told me that he helping a lady moving staff from Storage Place ad it is better to be where he is than coming back home. He said that he is not in California and he is in Arizona. I asked him how are his eating and where are you sleeping, he would reply: I don’t know.
He did not ask me about Money today? but I told if he needs $ that my brother in California will help him

I am not sure what to think anymore. where he is at?
I told him to be careful and Call me when ready to come back home’.

I will keep praying for him


#18

Thanks for all the tips.
I will not pay his credit cards and will defer his student loans for another year.
He keeps on saying that he is in Arizona and lied about going to San Francisco even though the Physic lady told she saw him.
He said that he is helping a Homeless lady to move staff from Storage.
He keeps cursing at me every time he calls… he has so much anger toward the family: His grandpa and his uncles…
I told him to be careful but I had to hung up the phone because he was cursing a lot.
The unmasked feature I added from www.TrapCall.com/support is not revealing the correct Calls that I received from him. It keeps unmasking tto same Telephone # 661- 748- 0240 & when I call the telephone #, I got this Message:
No Routes Found.
I am wondering if anyone know of a good Feature with ATT to reveal the Private Calls.
I want to know where his calls are coming from?


#19

[quote=“CAAR2016, post:18, topic:2708”]
the Physic lady told she saw him waiting for her outside her office in SAN Francisco and I received multiple emails from her.
He lied about being in San Francisco until I told about what the Physic lady told me, then he said he left San Francisco and he is now in TUSCON, Arizona.
He said he is helping a lady to move staff from Storage.
he did not ask for money today and I hope is not dealing with bad people and I am worried about this.

Keep us in your prayers.


#20

Have you tried tracking his phone if he has an iPhone? You can use the Find My Phone app if he has that. All you need is the account email and password associated with that phone (same if he has an iPad or iPod). I know you know now that he’s in Arizona, but it can give you a perimeter of his location anytime he moves as long as the phone is turned on. Apart from that, you can call his bank and perhaps if you explain the situation they will give you the exact location of where his last transaction was made and help you find him. I hope he’s okay wherever he is now. There are buses that are cheap that he can take to travel from state to state. Maybe you can convince him to take one back home or buy him a plane ticket and send it to him so that he can fly back to you.