Possibly a 3rd party can help–someone she trusts.
You may just have to take her in to the hospital.
My son had kind of the same delusions. He thought he was Jesus Christ, and that he had to shave his head. Then he thought he was the anti christ, and that he was the one to “push the button” and save the world. He was in a terror I can’t even imagine. We convinced him to go to the ER, where finally someone knew what they were seeing. That was one year ago, and he has told me in the last year that he now knows it wasn’t real. He’s been med compliant since last year, and slowly he seems to be getting somewhat better.
As far as how to reply, I never knew what to say, it was all too new. Finally one day my son told me he just wanted someone to listen, that was all. I didn’t know at the time to not try to talk him out of it, unfortunately. I believe being compliant is what has helped him. He still has some delusions, but they seem to be fleeting, and not of a religious nature any more.
NAMI has lots of good information on how you can cope and help. That is where I started out. I hope things are better for you both soon.
My issue is that she’s really not a harm to anyone else as long as the delusions remain harmless. She doesn’t work and has no finances to ruin so there is no issue here. As long as I am there to support her this could go on for a long time without any long term negative effect (save our marriage). So this is where I stumble. I know that she needs help. She doesn’t. If she is happy in her own reality, who am I to stop it? And I can’t without grinding up drugs in her food which I am not about to do.
I’m kind of hopeless right now. There are plenty of people on here who live with family members with sz who are not a harm to anyone? what do these people do? Live with it, force their sz partner into medication and cognitive therapy, or do people with delusion inevitably at some point require hospitalization because they become a harm to themselves or others (without Rx)?
I just want to know what my future holds. My hope is that she will go back on the meds on her own or has some community intervention without a trip to the hospital. What I fear will happen is that she will live in her own reality and refuse any treatment until I can’t take it any more.
Hi @sadgirl1991
These may help you deal with delusional conversations so that they don’t cause more problems.
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.
http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador on YouTube for more videos
http://ourhealthyminds.com/family-handbook/communication/Building-a-collaborative-relationship-leap.html
Building A Collaborative Relationship “LEAP”
Hi @Tim.
When my son was first diagnosed in 2011 he had delusions regarding me godlike and that me and/or his grandmother was Mary Magdelene… He could move clouds, astral travel and do telekinesis. He used to talk a lot about chi etc. Over time his delusions have changed and I haven’t seen reference to these is well over a year now. For me the scarier one was his believe that he would reincarnate and come back at will because he didn’t understand that he would be committing suicide if he tried this. Sometimes I question where he even came up with some of his religious delusions when he has barely picked up a bible. TV I guess…
Is there anything about what your wife is experiencing that she finds stressful? If so then perhaps this could be a reason to guide her into trying medications even at a low dose. Or even asking her to please try them for you because it would make you happy if she did. Sometimes it can be the love or relationship that helps someone to accept taking medications.
No easy answers I’m afraid. Sometimes my son is a danger to others when not stable. We can’t force medication or treatment unless there is a court order and/or some sort of Community Treatment Order (CTO) or Assisted Outpatient Treatment (AOT). Sometimes hospitalizations are needed.
In doing my research I have found that spiritual care professionals may help with delusions. It helps them have that spiritual outlet and have a better understanding of the more reasonable interpretations of the bible. My boyfriend met with a chaplain the other day in the hospital and they prayed together and it helped him feel much more at ease. I hope he can continue seeing them. Maybe you can look into that for your wife as well.
It can be very hard convincing them to take their medications because they see that they are stable and nothing is wrong. Even after a couple of weeks in the hospital my boyfriend still insisted that he would not need them after he was out. It took multiple discussions but I finally got him to understand that he only needs them to be stable and at peace with himself, which also brings myself and our relationship at peace. Unfortunately you may have to wait until that point of forced hospitalization, much like my boyfriend, the most you can do is be understanding and try to reason with her to the best of your abilities. There is hope and you just have to hang in there for the sake of your marriage. Once she is back on her meds she will think more clearly and be more understanding of how crucial it is. It’s just getting there is the hard part, and it may take some months. But you are not alone. Stay strong.
Thank you for your response.
My pastor knows about my wife’s sz and I might get him to help. As well, I’ve told her brother who knows a heck of alot more about the bible than I do.
She’s a long way from taking her medication, but she’s calmed down from being out of control delusional self to just delusional self – still believes that God is affecting her some way uniquely – woke up with a couple of small bruises on her hands - God did it. It’s pretty easy to tell when she’s out of control as you can’t really have a conversation with her at that point and she’s not in control of her emotions.
One thing to do is control stress levels and to keep the home as stress-free as possible so I’m trying to keep of journal of events that make her behaviour worse or better and try to avoid triggering behaviours. Obvious ones are arguments, but there are some that are out of control, like when reality collides with the delusional world.
Do you ever wonder what you did to deserve this? You marry in good faith that your partner will be there and that you can enjoy the later years together with the woman that you love, and you end up becoming part of an insane asylum for life. I mean I love my wife, would never leave her, but sometimes the cards you are dealt are sometimes the s**t.
The risperadone shots are timed released shots, so they should build up in his system. I hate to say this, but if that doesn’t work they might have to try him on stronger medications. I don’t know how long your boyfriend has been like this, but I think that if you are psychotic for over six months they diagnose you as sz. I don’t know how you can comfort your boyfriend, other than to hold his hand and be patient. You might want to think of ways to protect yourself emotionally, because being in a close relationship with a person in a psychotic episode can be very draining. In al-anon they recommend “detachment with love”. Care about him, but be aware there is only so much you can do.
I have asked myself the same question, Tim. “Why me?” Its honestly driven me to the point of thinking that I may even belong in there with him because my whole life, for some odd reason, I have seemed to always end up being attracted to or attracting individuals who have an illness to some extent. It’s mentally and physically exhausting to constantly be worrying about someone you care so deeply for and feeling completely helpless. But, I do feel that he has given my life a true purpose. I know that whether I can physically see it in him or not, that I am helping him and changing his life, and he truly appreciates everything that I do for him and loves me unconditionally, as I do him. That’s enough motivation for me to continue to stay strong, just remember that it won’t always be like this. There will always be ups and downs as there are in “normal” relationships. For most people it would be hard to love someone with their condition. But that’s why we are here. Because we are able to look past all of it and see them for the person they truly are, and we do not let their illness define who they are. Everyone needs someone, and I’d like to believe that God dealt us these cards for a reason.
The true task here now is learning how to cope so I don’t lose my own sanity. This forum does help me a lot, atleast I know I have somewhere I can vent to, where we can empathize with one another and have that support.
It WILL get better. Do ask your pastor if there is anything he can do, or maybe he will know someone who does. And that trigger journal sounds like an excellent idea. I would like to start doing something similar. But I have no idea what actually triggers his delusions because he is so manic his thoughts just jump from one thing to another constantly.
I never liked the idea but I understand that it is necessary to sometimes become detached otherwise I’ll constantly beat myself up over it, and I tend to do that enough as it is. We have developed our own way of bringing him back to reality when he becomes too manic, that usually works. I’m sure it’ll get easier once he is stable on his meds. It just breaks my heart seeing him like this. He is now taking risperdal and serequil.
Thanks again for the kind words and support. I have a great deal of humour in the situation and know that I need to take care of myself, and I do that. And my wife is aware enough to understand when she is “not sane” enough to be around people and that her world is different (most of the time). It’s the time when she starts doing crazy things in this world that make no sense, like talking to the voices in public, or dancing, or buying a 10 day emergency supply as some rogue nation is going to hit us with a nuclear device (my food bank will be receiving most of that stuff in a few months).
Then there’s the harmless stuff that is amusing.
Another thing I’m doing is keeping the stress levels low as it is well known that stress is a trigger for episodes. I can’t control the imaginary stress from voices, but the real stresses I can control.
Thanks.