I’m so sorry you are being faced with a lot of hard decisions right now, and your husband seems to be continuing with his reality
It is incredibly painful to see our loved one change! it’s ok to be in a grieving state .even though our people are still our people the relationships that we have held with them are taken hostage by the illness
And there’s no way to predict if things will get back .
You asked should I let him go and be a support to his family ?
I think that’s a healthy choice you would be able to get back into your home which might be nice or at least make decisions on what you want to do with your home.
Maybe his family can help him apply for disability and they can become his payee.
You can be support from afar this illness changes relationships and I think you would be choosing a healthy path to be on the outside while you are still healing from this.
Being in a space where you’re questioning your own reality is very common with carrying for loved ones with serious. MI mental illness,
in nami support we say ,
you can’t fill someone else’s cup until you filled your own
Or there’s always the old airline you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before your neighbors.
If he’s willingly choosing to exit the relationship and the house could be a blessing in disguise.
Of course it doesn’t mean that you won’t be in his life but you may have a chance to set boundaries so that he is not in your space, especially if he becomes more ill unfortunately a lot of times there is destruction of property that happens.
This is a fantastic post in so many ways.
I think keeping separate living space is a great idea moving forward- we never know when our loved one will relapse-I never thought my so would relapse with sz but he did after 17 years doing fairly well-now he’s recovering slowly after 2 years off meds-he’s in psychiatric hospital after a year in jail and will now at 47 will go to a nursing home-he can’t take care of himself- I can’t help him anymore- I need to take care of myself and pray that all goes smoothly for him moving forward-take care-keep safe-
We didn’t cause it, can’t control it nor can we cure it-
Honestly, I don’t think it is ever possible to understand why or how this illness happens. Even doctors don’t know.
Thank you Carlie for the advice and thoughts. It is extremely sad to see your loved ones struggle and can be frustrating that they cant see what they are doing to themselves and to their loved ones. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do the hard things, especially when they cant take care of themselves.
Update on my current situation, i did get in touch with his mom a few days ago and explained what was happening and i was relieved to find out that his family is entirely on my side. Since i have been gone both his mom and dad (they are divorced and have been since i’ve known them but they get along somewhat now) have been trying to help him out but he is still very delusional and it doesn’t take much to trigger him. She said that he has been up and down with his moods and outbursts. She had him over for meals a few times and the first time she said he came into her place and threw out all of her knives and sharp objects (he is afraid that she is going to kill him) and also accused her of lacing his water with poison. His dad had called the police a few days ago to check up on him because no one could get a hold of him for a few days, the police had been to our house so many times in the last 2 months they were getting sick and tired of it but they checked and every time he always puts on a good show. I asked his mom about family history of schizophrenia and she said there were a few family members on his dad’s side that had schizophrenia and she said that my husband had already been showing signs of it at a young age (she also did a lot of reading and researching of the illness and realized that this was going on with him for a long time already but when he met me it was good, i helped stabilize him). She also has hope, now we are all working together to try and get him some help. I told her he had plans of moving back to the city to live with his dad or brother but ideally he would like to live with his brother who is extremely busy with his family and career, she said that his brother will not take him in (this situation stresses his brother out and cant deal with it because he has too much to deal with already). She told me i need to be extremely careful because my husband is not stable right now and his behaviour is very erratic and for me to not listen to what he says because its the illness talking.
I have been leaving it up to my husband to contact me because that was his instructions and he has been phoning me, i can hear that he is trying to sound normal but repeats the same questions and when triggered he will start sounding agitated then ends the conversation. Just the other morning he told me he bought a car and was staying at a hotel, i was surprised, i asked him why he wasn’t staying at the house and he got aggravated and said why do you think, i responded “because its a mess” and he said in a mean way “yeah and you can clean it all up” making it sound like it was all my fault, i told him i would clean the house up. He was also mean about saying that the car was solely his and that i would never be able to touch it, i told him that was fine, i didn’t have any intentions of touching/claiming it and that was the end of that conversation. He called me again in the evening (making it sound like he is checking up on my well being) and started rambling about some video games that had gone missing in the last few days, he was accusing me of sneaking in the house (he believes i have the house keys, which i don’t) and stealing them which is impossible because i am in a completely different province 21hrs away. Then i asked him if he was still at the hotel, he said yes and asked how i knew he was at a hotel i told him that he told me in our conversation in the morning but he thinks i am in town spying on him and started to get aggressive calling me names and telling me that i was a covert narcissist and how i have ruined so many people’s lives and hung up. It was all too much for me, i called his mom and asked if it was true that he bought a car and was staying at the hotel, she said she was sure that he did not buy a car and the hotel thing could be true but wasn’t sure, she just told me to please not allow what he says to get to me because he is not in his right mind and what he is saying is not true. She told me that they will try to do as much as they can to help out and to just leave it in their hands for now and to try and relax and enjoy visiting with my family
Sorry for the long rant but it is so exhausting and i am at a point where i don’t know what to do, i am so torn because i feel like maybe once he gets the help he needs and gets meds and therapy that he will be back to normal and we can have a good life together.
I’m glad his family is stepping in and letting you take care of yourself- it’s so much for a family to take care of- their are no guarantees- I hope he gets stable and you get your husband back-in the meantime do whatever makes you happy and enjoy your life- take care
I’m so glad you were able to talk with his family, and they can confirm his actions and thoughts are delusional , at this point in time
Hopefully this will help you not to question your own thoughts.
And your husband will be able to get the help he needs now.
That is so good his family are understanding and helping you and have told you to not take it to heart what he says. My husbands family have all cut me off, his mum just accused me of having affairs and has believed his delusions, that really hurts, she was also horrible to my mum who was her friend. The sister said to me what triggered it, was it because I had gone away for a weekend with some girlfriends like it was my fault. I think they all know he has it but i don’t know why tbey wont help. So there is no sign of him getting help especially while tbey are not encouraging him either. I reached out to his step dad who was helping me abit initially but he also said he cant once the mother heard of it.