Not sure how to convince my mom to stay where she is


#1

A couple of years ago my mom started having signs of schizophrenia which got worse as time progressed to the point that she started to believe that my dad was beating her and stealing money from her. (That is so not true. My dad would never hurt my mom, and he would never take her money.) About two months ago, she up and vanished. She resurfaced in New Jersey where her Uncle lives, apparently, thinking that, her Uncle, being an ex cop, was going to protect her. He bought her a plane ticket to Texas where her sister lives (my aunt.)

My aunt says that my mom always has a place to stay as long as she needs it. My dad does not want my mom back. As a matter of fact, he wants a divorce. The problem is, my mom wants to come back home to my dad. But my dad has said absolutely not. And now my mom has some idea in her head that I said that I would share a 2 bedroom apartment with her. I never said that. I am not willing to do any such thing, and I can’t afford to take care of her.

My concern is helping my dad out. He doesn’t have the money to stay where he is at, so we are making plans to find an apartment where I can help him pay rent. I also need to focus on helping my dad with his severe depression. He really is not doing well at all, and if we don’t get him into a better situation then I am afraid for his health. He is coping with anxiety from everything my mom put him through, (which includes stabbing the air mattress he was sleeping on with a knife). His car broke down at the beginning if summer, and now he walks to work every day. My grandmother, my dad’s mom, has been in the hospital for the past month, and because of my dad can’t afford to fix his car, he can’t go see her. (I was able to convince my friend to drive us up there this weekend. So, at least if anything should turn for the worse, at least we were able to see my grandmother one last time.) Everything that my dad is going through has caused him to start drinking very heavily. So, you can see it is sooooooo not a very good idea for my mom to come back.

I know it sounds harsh to tell my mom she cannot come home, but she has a place to live, and my aunt is a strong, smart woman. If anyone can convince my mom to seek help, it would be her. And I don’t need to lose two parents because that’s what it feels like. It feels like the person who used to be my mom died, and if we do not help my dad out, she will drag him with her.

Now my dad wants my sister and me to call my mom and try to convince her not to come home. I honestly don’t think any good will come from that, and I don’t know what to say. The last time I said something she did not like, she said she disowned me. And all I did was tell my aunt that a lot of the stuff my mom wanted my dad to ship to her she either destroyed or lost.


#2

Welcome!
You are in a heck of a situation–I can almost feel it.
What do YOU want to do? It doesnt seem fair that you are being put in the middle of all this. It is probably a good idea that your mom stays where she is, as long as your aunt is ok with it. Hopefully she can get your mom some help. Your dad may need to tell your mom the truth-but he should be the one to tell her. All you can do is tell her your plans. Search out a local NAMI support group in your area. It would help you and your dad. I hope this helps. In the end, you have to do whats right for you.
I wish you luck–come back and let us know how things go


#3

Depending on how delusional your mom is it may be difficult for anyone to convince her that she is no longer welcome at your dad’s residence. Perhaps move him as fast as you can and not give her or your aunt the new address. Hopefully your aunt can get your mom the help that she needs.


#4

Thanks for the information and suggestions. Unfortunately, my dad gave in, and he is allowing my mom to come back. It was horrible because he called me to ask if my roommate and I would pick her up from the airport, and it was painfully obvious he had been crying. It is hard to see or hear your own father cry. I glanced over the Nami website just a moment ago, and I sent the link to my sister to give to my dad. I also suggested that someone call my mom’s neurologist and explain to him what has been going on. She sees him for her epilepsy, but I don’t think he is aware of her mental illness. I really don’t know if there is anything he can legally do without her consent, but it couldn’t hurt to tell him. Well, knowing how my mother reacts when people try to tell her she needs help, it could hurt a lot. But we need to get her help somehow, and that is the only idea I think might work.


#5

Welcome.

If she has stabbed the bed while your dad slept there she is dangerous. Has she done anything else like that?

If she is dangerous to her self or others she can be taken to hospital involantary. They will put her on medication and hopefully she will regain insight. BUT regaining insight and remembering all that stuff you did while psychotic can make her depressed and feel ashamed. She needs someone proffessional to talk to when she returns back to “normal life”.