Pressured to get a job


#1

It’s really stressful. My dad is saying that I need to start exercising and eating healthier, that I need to apply every day for jobs until I get one. I want to accomplish all these things, but it stresses me out that it feels like he’s never happy with me. That he can’t accept the possibility that I might end up disabled. I’m turning 25 in a few weeks. The conversation I had with him tonight made me want to cry. He said “I can tell you’re over-eating because you’re depressed.” But I have only been eating a bit more since I was sick for the past week and hardly ate. I wanted to tell him I want off the medication, because I don’t feel motivated on it. But he doesn’t accept that, and said it would be better I took it for the rest of my life, and not risk relapse because he wouldn’t be able to get me hospitalized and back on meds. The laws make it impossible to do so without being violent.

He brings up my mom as a prime example of someone who isn’t getting better. It’s not fair.


#2

Have you talked with him about the possibility your thinking you might needto be on disability? My family has always been supportive however they did not like it when I wasnt working. They said I was of age to be working. But as I had more hospitilizations and lost a good high job due to it my pdoc advised me to go on disability. I applied and been on it a while. SZ has made it to where I knew I couldnt work anymore. I hope things work out okay for you. Wish you well.


#3

Your dad is telling you to do too many things at once. That’s why it’s stressing you out.


#4

Tanaka has a very good point. You might be able to let your dad know that you can only work on one thing at a time. Maybe talk to him about what out of the list is the most important and then take it one thing at a time.

It’s hard when you have parents who don’t seem to understand. Or are getting over pushy or even over optimistic about your abilities. I’ve been talking with some people who’s family doesn’t seem to care on grain about them.

Is there a way you could bring in a family therapist to help bridge the communication gap?


#5

My parents do that always with me, but when I get a job I can get them off my back a little bit, and I do feel better about my self and actually feel better.


#6

You know parents worry about what will happen to their SZ kids when they are no longer around. That’s probably one reason for your Dad pressurising you. He probably wants to know that you will be able to look after yourself.


#7

Another problem is that sometimes we schizophrenics look good on the outside and sound good too and people figure we are capable of much more than we realy are. They don’t ( or can’t) realize what’s going on in our minds. It’s not entirely their fault. They are not experts on schizophrenia. They are parents whose children get some awful disease that they know nothing about. It is thrust on them. Most parents MEAN well, right? Most parents want the best for their child, right? They are trying to help. I know it’s hard to be rational and nice when they push you. Frustrating for you. And it is wrong sometimes to be pushed when you are a schizophrenic. I don’t know what the answer is. Better communication? Education on schizophrenia? Family therapy? But yeah, I think lady is right.You should bring up getting on disability with your parents. Let them know that you can take time to adjust to your life with schizophrenia. Maybe down the road you will be able to hold a job. Because you can get SSDI and still work, but it is harder (or impossible? Not sure) to be employed already and get awarded SSDI. I’m not sure about that one.


#8

I also wanted to say one thing at a time. You can’t change everything at once. Maybe start by changing your exercise. Start walking every day. You will have more energy and feel a lot better. Then change your diet. You will feel even better. Then maybe you can hold a job. You have to start with YOU. Make you feel better before you can work.


#9

I reverse the order. I get a part time job in a little shop. It’s not difficult to get a job like that. They have walk in interviews. Since I have not been at work for sometime, somebody told me to do a part time manual job first. It drives me to eat better and goes out everyday.


#10

Yeah, I’m going to try and take things one step at a time. I really do want to start working and I hope it will make me feel better. All these points are probably accurate. I know my dad cares a lot about me and he pressured me to get my license and I was able to do it eventually. At one point I thought I would never learn to drive, but after a lot of practice I finally got the hang of it.


#11

It’s hard to find a balance between pushing a loved one into action but not causing too much stress while doing it. Is is possible that what your dad meant to say was: I think you may be depressed as you are eating more. It could be his way of expressing concerns over something that he has noticed. Try to reassure him, if you are not depressed, that you are just making up for lost nutrition while you were sick last week.
As a parent I want my son on medications not because I want him taking pills but because watching him go through a relapse is not something either one of us want. Medications are the only option I see for right now. It’s unfortunate about the lack of motivation. It’s not always the medications that cause it. Sometimes it is a negative symptom of sz. Same with not feeling like someone is happy with you. Sometimes that can be a negative symptom as well. Sometimes as parents our words don’t come out right in our quest to give our children a better life.


#12

What about if you try working as an movie extra thats a easy job to do, income is low but its a good start.


#13

That’s a good idea mindwhispers. Unfortunately I don’t live in the city so that kind of job is harder to find.


#14

Oh I know my dad is just trying to help. I’m just overwhelmed because I want to get a job, and I’m trying to get motivated that I can find something I’m able to do. I don’t want to let him down, it’s just hard because I’m always stressing about finding a job lately, and I applied to a few places but never heard back. The best bet for me, is Macy’s or some kind of department store. The local boutiques won’t hire me and their all cliques about who they hire. I walked around the whole town and applied to almost every shop and still didn’t get a phone call, and I’ve lived here for 12 years.


#15

I think they won’t hire me if I walk in by myself. I’ve a third party guy who went into the shop with me, spoke for my strengths and recommended me to the shop owner. The employer is curious why i want a job like that. Im over qualified. My friend just explains everything for me to make it less embarrasing. She said she had worked a job like that too and if she had the time she wanted to do it too. We say we are doing it for fun/kill time/we want to try something new. She is a returning customer to the small supermarket/grocery in the neighborhood. It would be much better they would listen to someone they know. They chat a little bit for a few times. That’s all. This strategy helps me to get the job. My friend was prepared to get me into another shop for a walk-in. That one the employer she have never talked to but she would do that for me. She can help a lot with my presentation. She told me she was looking for shops not located in the main street. My employer tells me this is the reason they found it much harder in employing. A few metres away means a lot.

Also, If u don’t mind, tryout small shop run by family. we chose that on purpose. This kind of shop would find it much more difficult in recruiting. Chain store with brand name usually requires related experience. They tend to have much more applicants. Small employer have a better chance to employ someone not experienced. Also, find out the target shop and go early in the morning when the shop is just open. The manager usually got absent minded after they have been at work for a few hours.

If u don’t mind, consider bakery and grocery too. Also, look for clinic assistant/receptionist. I think you would have a chance.

My friend is only a full time housewife who knows the neighborhood. Her common sense is helping me.

Tell me more about your experience.


#16

Thats all that my father’s side says to me, “you get a job yet?”

May it all burn, and it’s going to, they can ask eachother if they have a job yet when it all lies in a smoldering heap beneath their feet.


#17

I visited your profile because I didn’t get that you were a girl. But January is a girls name, so…I’ve worked in a lot of department stores. Not bad work. You could probably handle stocking shelves. Or maybe greeter. Salesperson maybe? Bagger maybe? Price changer/ticketer? Janitor/ maintenance? I’ve seen girls do all these. Hang clothes?Cashier? Anyway, lots of department stores hire young people so there is a large turnover which makes it easier to get hired. Most young people aren’t there for a career, they work there for a few months or a couple years and move on. I would like to say that a little push now and then is helpful as you saw with your license. It may not be good for you that your dad is putting too much pressure on you. But sometimes other people can see the potential in us better than we can see it in ourselves. I got diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia in 1980 when I was 19, I won’t get into my whole history here. But after several hospitalizations my parents got me into a nice group home and a vocational program. 8 months later after a series of small steps I got hired at a small local ‘mom and pop’ business. But the small steps (which I doubt in your situation that you will go through) were like doing yard work, then cleaning an office building once a week. Then being groundskeeper for the vocational program building, and finally the small business. But I didn’t ask for any of those positions. The counselors saw something in me and gave me the opportunities. I just went along with the program. I’ve been working relatively steadily since, albeit mostly part-time and I still collect SSDI. But, yeah, maybe small steps is what you need. I have to contradict goggles somewhat here. Positions in department stores are often entry level. Sure, SOME want to hire people with experience. But MANY others will take people with no experience and train them. Many… And many restaurants will do that too, if you want to go that route.


#18

Probably 77Nick77 you are more experienced than me on this. With brand name i don’t mean department store. I think nick is right on that. They have entry level jobs. But I have been looking for jobs and i notice there are department stores recruiting a lot of temp part time workers in nov, for Christmas is coming. So maybe you will have a better chance after a while. Rehabilitation is a probable choice too.

Also, have u pay attention to recruitment fair? I know there are informations for that on recruitment websites and the labor department. They would have a lot of employers you can meet them all in an afternoon and do on the spot interview. Many employers find it difficult to recruit someone. I do wish you can find someone to attend a job fair with u for you may be over loaded with the information.


#19

Thank-you everyone for the supportive ideas. This has been very helpful. One idea I’m having is to try rehabilitation services again, because they help support people with disabilities in finding jobs. But that would mean I would have to disclose that I have a mental illness. I’ve thought it would be better not to disclose that to employers, but they might offer extra support in finding places to work. I just started a new medication that should help me with focusing and depression. I’ve been a full time college student so that’s really the main reason I hadn’t been working, but I’m also kind of shy and nervous in interviews. It would be easier if I lived in DC or the city, I’m an hour outside DC but the traffic would just be terrible. The thing is I’ll probably have to commute somewhere, the closest mall is 20 minutes or more away.

I might just try rehab services, although it’s a very slow process.


#20

Yes, goggle ( I almost called you google.Lol. My mistake) I left that out. Many department stores hire temps for the holiday season. But it’s a little late for that since it’s almost Christmas and my guess is most stores have already done their hiring. But keep it in mind for the rest of the year because other businesses hire temps during the year.And if a company hires you for a temporary job and you impress them with your work, often, if they need to fill a position they will keep you on permanently. If they want to hire someone they want someone who already knows the job instead of someone cold off the street. So you might want to check out a temp agency sometime. A job fair/recruitment fair is another great idea of goggles. Instead of running around all over town filling out applications, you can go to a job fair and all the potential employes are under one roof. And sure, you sound as touchy as I am about revealing your illness.Which I whole-heartedly understand. But for a job fair maybe, if you want, you could bring some kind of counselor who would discreetly accompany you and kind of help you. And I would not disclose to an employer either. I don’t like to disclose my illness but I have used several employment agencies who cater to the disabled and even specifically to the mentally ill. I have got several jobs through them. And I didn’t have to disclose my diagnosis.