I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months ,he has been diagnosed with shizofrenia,but refuses to take medicine. Just recently we got into an argument and he blocked my number for 3 days, after the argument he text me saying he love me so much and we were ok. Then suddenly the next day he said he didn’t wanna be with me because I have low self esteem. I honestly have no idea what’s going on. When were together were madly in love, but it’s like once a month he has these stages were he dosent even wanna look at me. Is this a phase or is he really not in love with me anymore. This relationship has taken a toll on me. I usually will text him,but I haven’t reached out to him since he said the hurtful things about me,and neither has he tried to reach out. What is going on?
I am really sorry to hear you are going through this. I’ve been in a very similar situation, and now have had to file a restraining order from the man who “loves me with all his heart”. The same one who also believes I’m having affair, after affair, and has become so lost in his delusions and hallucinations, I’m no longer relevant (because he talks to me telepathically and doesn’t suffer the way I do with his absences and ghosting). I can only tell you that if he doesn’t take medication, because neither will mine, things will just go from uncomfortable and sad, to horribly depressing. I’ve been working through this the past three years. I’ve been detached the past year; but am still working with the courts to get him help. With mine, it was every two weeks and then a disappearance, followed with his return. He has no concept of time, and lately he started sharing some of his thoughts and delusions. None of which are pretty.
Yes ,I’ve been feeling so alone I’ve never dealt with this before. I’m so sorry you had to go through this! When he disappers it’s for days,and all of a sudden he come back like nothing happened. Most recently when he said I have no self esteem I had no clue what he was talking about. Then he sent text messages back to back going into detail about why I was such a bad person ,and I made my bed I need to lay in it. I just never responded. I don’t understand what he is talking about. I’m scared to talk to his family because they all take his side and just feels like he is ok as long as he smoke marijuana but I feel the marijuana is making it worse! I hate to leave him,is there any options of getting him help?
Ugh. It depends on where you live, what his behaviors are, if he’s a threat to himself or others; and even from there it is so, so, tricky! We had a domestic violence case in court since LAST December, and I was just able to convince the judge in September that it should be moved to Mental Health Court. That’s with two more DV cases added on. Two weeks ago I went with him for the intake interview for the “transfer” at which point he introduced me as his fiancé, lied about seriously everything, and I just sat there. I just wanted them to be the ones handling everything. Last week was his first court date in the MHC, he showed up late, had missed a previous appointment with his case worker, and still… nothing. Because of privacy laws and because of civil rights, and because he wears such a damn good mask in public, there isn’t much more I can do. But he was very angry when I wouldn’t let him come over that day, and he called the police on me for child neglect. Completely off the mark, and even my son asked the cop “But she does art club every week at my school, how is she neglecting us?”. Here’s my advice: log everything. I have almost every day the past 11 months in my calendar under “charting”. I logged moods, weird things he’s said, how many days he took off for, why he left, why he returned… I’ve even very carefully left my phone hidden but recording while I left the room. I’ve gathered evidence, I’ve kept that completely private from him. It’s only to be for use to show he needs help. I don’t hate him, I’m scared for him. But now, I’m scared even more for me. Don’t argue, be kind, set personal limits; but don’t be aggressive or hateful about it. Things he says about you? Ignore them. “I’m sorry you feel that way”. Do not try and argue, and please- most importantly, don’t take them personally. The things I’ve been called. the things I’ve been accused of. Detach, go to NAMI meetings, read everything you can about the illness. He’s sick. That’s what you have to remember, and most people are ignorant when it comes to schizophrenia- especially the schizophrenic if he has asognosia. Also remember that being sick doesn’t give him the right to be an *******. Ok? Do not put stock in his put downs. Just think to yourself; he must be feeling these things about himself more than anything.
And sweetheart? You don’t have to leave him, but understand you aren’t going to be able to depend on him, period. Unless he goes on and stays on meds. Mine was on meds for all of July. I was over the moon. It didn’t stick. It felt so depressing after that. I still have hope. For him, for me, but not as a couple. But your story could always be different. Just don’t lose yourself in the process. Oddly? I found myself more than ever because of it, have immersed myself in theater, and am thriving locally. It’s obly because I did the research, understood what was happening and learned to accept how messed up the system was. I’m still fighting, though! Things need to change. And they never will unless someone tries. And tries again. But like I said- detach yourself to save your sanity and find yourself again. His family might not see the same things you do. My ex? His mom is also an unmedicated schizophrenic, and his only family. No help there. It’s all MY fault. And pot didn’t help the situation in the long run. Certainly not his taste for overdoing benzodiazepines, either.
Thank you so much this has help me, You’ve shown me I’m not crazy. For a moment I started believing it was me. His illness is also manipulative. I love him alot but I’m detaching my feelings from this situation until he receives help. I think because I’m the one he’s with everyday ,I’m the one he’s blaming everything he’s feeling on. He dosent know how to cope with his illness,and he refuses meds. He will never be better until he realizes he needs help. I too also have kids, he has none. He doesn’t have an emotional attachment to my kids , he told me this about 2 weeks ago. That was a huge shock ,because he always plays with them and helps me with them. So when we got into an argument and he said I don’t care about those kids I only care about you. It shocked me. Thank you so much for your advice it has helped me so much
My feelings in answer to your post:
The marijuana is probably making it worse.
You might have to leave him.
Forcing help on a person with sz is a long difficult journey. Probably you can’t do it. Maybe his family could.
I am sorry that your boyfriend has un-medicated severe mental illness. It is a struggle many of us on this forum understand. This will be a lifelong battle for him, and for you if you stay with him. Probably, unmedicated, you will never be able to depend on him, and will always have to deal with his delusions that you are hurting him. It is sooooo very hard, this illness.
My son has been diagnosed with schizophrenia and has been in and out of psychiatric lockups for a few years now. You should run, not walk, away from that relationship. Your boyfriend will never get better and it will only drag you down. It’s sad that we don’t have a cure for schizophrenia, but those are the facts and you need to save yourself and your children. Sorry to be a downer.
I am in the same way only I am the one who disappears for a day or two and then reappearing. Whenever I do my significant other starts to think that I wanted him out of my house and starts to pack his things. Every time I have to convince him that wasn’t the case. He also thinks that me and my kids are demons at times (unmedicated and smokes green too). This is hard for me because my feelings will be hurt by this then he will tell me that he shouldn’t tell me these fears anymore because it only hurts my feelings which is used against me in this way. I just wish that wasn’t the case. If I say how hurt I am by these fears he just shuts down and doesnt share any longer.