Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Need advice and/or support - schizophrenic boyfriend


#1

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 1/2 months. I am having trouble understanding some of his behaviors and how I should react to them. Back in June he went from texting me daily and seeing me whenever we could get together to no communication for a week, then he all of a sudden wanted to break up because he was “moving away”. At that time he was unemployed and he’s lived with his mother for 3 years, so to move away would result in no supports or a way of supporting himself financially. A week after we broke up I messaged him just to see how he was and he regretted the breakup and said he truly was happy with me, and if he ever did this again to stop him and tell him “hey your doing it again”. Things were good until August, where he all of a sudden started breaking plans with me because he wanted to be alone. The last 7 weeks have been up and down where one week he’ll love me and then all of a sudden a few days later he’ll cut off communication and push me away. Last weekend we had a great date night, but then later that night we were in bed and all of a sudden he got really cuddly, so I rolled over to face him and he suddenly got angry and said something like “am I gonna give a checkmark now???” rolled over and faced the wall the rest of the night. Now this weekend is June all over again, almost the exact same words he used before “I want to break up, I want something different, I am moving away. You can do better then me anyway”. I notice that each time he gets his injection he becomes a different person and shuts himself off from the world, then a week or so later he wants to be with me. He also started a new job a few weeks ago working 10 hour days, since then it’s like he has no personality anymore and always is tired. I am not sure what the injection is called but he also started taking Zeldox in June and has been a zombie on it since. When I try and ask him what’s happening or how he’s feeling he says he’s ok, but I know he’s not. He knows I know about his illness and he used to be good with telling me about how he’s feeling, but the last month it has stopped. I just feel so lost sometimes and don’t know if all this is a common thing to happen with Schizophrenia or if he’s just sick of being with me. Is there anyone that can offer any advice on how I should continue to handle this? Is there anyone in a similar situation?


#2

My impression is that he needs you and he knows it. But the disease makes it hard to be around you. He has some viewpoint of you that he is not entirely sharing with you. Maybe commitment issues. All guesses.


#3

I like what Nick had to say.

Yeah, I suspect at the least he is emotionally immature.

I’m schizophrenic, and I’m with a gal. She wants to get married, but I just don’t want to get married. Of course, she tells everyone we’re married, and I don’t deny it. Really, we’re not married even though she wishes we were.

Jayster


#4

Due to some of my symptoms, and the shutting down, and the confusion of living inside my head vs. living outside my head, I’ve destroyed a few very nice relationships. My negatives symptoms covered me in wax and shut down my emotions. My positive symptoms made me paranoid and sure that the girl was cheating on me.

I’d say your BF does need you now because this cruel disease pushes away all our friends as well.

www.nami.org - a good place to get to know this illness

http://schizophrenia.com/diag.php# – what the symptoms are

http://schizophrenia.com/family.php —recovery tips

http://schizophrenia.com/ - more information.

Get to know what this disease is like and it will be easier for you to navigate his behavior.

good luck


#5

for me since ive been on quite a few different medications over the past 5 years trying to get things to work ive noticed that quite a few medications will make you act like your shutting everyone out, or act like a zombie. i would suggest talking to his doctor alone with him or her, then having the doctor talk to him and you together. just tell them how you have noticed behavioral changes and what they are. as well as the fact that he says hes goin to move away from his support. it kinda sounds like the zeldox might be doing a number on him. but then again u dont know what the injection is too, but since its just recently started happening and youve only been with him 5 months, he could have been this way before you met him or with the injections. but it just sounds like zeldox might be it, i would definitely talk to his doctor about it and ask him if there is any other medication that could replace the one that is doin this too him.


#6

Hi @missy. Welcome to the forum.

Understanding schizophrenia as best you can may help. Your BF is acting and reacting to symptoms which probably have very little to do with you. Sometimes a person’s feelings are so strong and they can’t see that the cause is coming from within and contribute those feelings to outside reasons. I know it’s somewhat cliche to say it’s not you but it isn’t. It’s schizophrenia.

Some of these links may help you to understand what you are seeing.
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.
http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos
http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/index.php - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
http://lesswrong.com/lw/e25/bayes_for_schizophrenics_reasoning_in_delusional/ - helped my understand delusions

http://forum.schizophrenia.com/t/8-ways-to-help-someone-live-well-with-schizophrenia/10496?u=barbiebf

Read through the Family section. I know there are a lot of posts however you will find that you are not alone.


#7

Thank you to everyone who has replied! It has helped me cope over the weekend knowing that a lot of this is his symptoms, I have believed the last month that he is experiencing more symptoms which is why he’s withdrawing from me and that discussing relationship needs and feelings like I have done with past boyfriends will not work with him. He just cannot express emotions the way I do and he seems to rather run away and avoid issues then deal with them. I also feel that his employer has worked him too hard and too much for someone that just started a few weeks ago, he wants to work but his job is very physical and long hours plus a 20 minute commute, the more tired he gets it seems the worse he becomes.

The other thing I think he is struggling with is that he just turned 40 in May. He almost seems to be trying to run back to a life he once had many years ago thinking he can just pick it up again like no years have passed. So there is a maturity issue with him for sure.

I’m not sure what will happen now, he has once again stopped communicating so I have decided to give him a few days before I try to talk to him again. I really don’t think he will move away, if he really wanted to he would’ve done it back in June the first time he did this. I feel the moving away and wanting change is his reaction to severe stress. I did tell him I cared and was worried, and left it at that. I’m hoping that some time will give him a chance to settle his thoughts and work through the things that have set him off. He may want to end things but I am not giving up on him yet.


#8

Just an update…
In the last few days he has deleted me from his Facebook, quit answering my texts and today I found out he moved to the city 2 days ago. Luckily I was able to have a phone conversation with his mom and she is wanting to keep in touch with me and appreciates that I care. I am not sure what will happen now. He is gone and I am heartbroken, especially at the fact that I don’t even exist to him now. I thank everyone that responded for advice and support, but I think this may be my last post. He’s not my boyfriend anymore and it’s obvious he doesn’t need me after all.


#9

Missy I went through a similar pattern with my SZ fiancé in the early days of the relationship. As Nick said he does want you but is pushing you away because his SZ is ruling his head.

For many weeks my FI would want to contact me one weekend and the next it was silence. One day he would pash me and the next he would not hold communication with me. It is a very confusing situation. I just read your update maybe it is for the best to let him be. 5 months is to early on in a relationship with a SZ, trust me there is a fair few of us partners of SZ who have been through a lot worse especially when psychosis sets in. We all don’t want to give up on our partners but in your situation you have only just seen the start of what is to come in the future.

It took me two years with the whole wanting to see me and ignoring to find out he has a mental health issue. I am not sure your age but I was 23 by the time I found out what I had to deal with.

Wishing you luck Missy.