My son has been hospitalized for 2 weeks. We visited him 3 times and two of those visits were a disaster. He won’t take his meds and all he says is that he wants to come home. He tried to go home with us on the last visit which ended up with him screaming and carrying on so much that they has to call security and give him a shot to calm him down. He calls every day asking when we are coming back to visit and I am afraid the same thing will happen because he keeps repeating that he wants to come home. He is asking what he did to keep him there. I so want to visit and hug him but not sure if that would be the worst thing for him again. They are getting a court order for him to take his meds so I thought I might have to wait until the meds start working before seeing him. I answer the phone every time he calls so he know he is not abandoned by his father and me. He said he wants to go back to his home, which is our home. He said it belongs to him and we are demons there. He is 29 years old. What should I do?
Have you been able to talk to any of his doctors? What is their advice?
You should see him, it’s the worst feeling, feeling abandoned in the hospital even if it’s difficult.
I think you should visit him. Every time I was hospitalized my mom came and visited me every chance she had, and it was what I looked forward to everyday.
Both my parents would come visit me for dinner … They’d bring me candy… I didn’t know who they were at the time but I felt loved… They wouldn’t stay long and seeing them reminded me I was in there… And need to get out… But after they’d left I’d go back to “stuff” I did in there… But I think slightly happier… So I’d say visit…
I have no advice for you but when I was locked up in a psychiatric hospital for 8 months the only brightness in an otherwise scary, lonely, existence was when my parents or my sisters came to visit me.
I do not know what to tell you, better ask docs for advice. I can only say that when I was hospitalised I also thought all people I knew were demons (including my parents) and I was scared of them and their visit only contributed more to my distress. Only after meds started working and I started to have touch with the reality I was very happy they were visiting and it gave me huge benefits. Maybe for now phone calls would be enough? It’s difficult to generalize, in this illness everyone’s experience is different…
Talk to the docs and see what they say. I hardly recognized or remembered my husband being there in the beginning. But when time passed by and meds kicked in I looked forward to get visits. I was in hospital for 6 months.
Sorry you are going through this. I’ve been there, many times.
I visited my son as often as possible. I remember once, he pretended to have a seizure and fell on the floor. I got up and left. When he called that night, I told him he needed to chill because everytime he acted like that, the longer they would keep him. It was a couple of weeks before my son’s court date. In the meantime, I brought him magazines ( take the staples out ) and a new shirt now and then. They need something to look forward to…
If visiting is uncomfortable, then call him on the phone and just talk, or not. Many of our conversations were silent, but just having me on the other end was comforting to him.
I know what you’re going through, not sure I can say anything that will make you feel better, but many individuals on these forums who have been diagnosed were at the same place as your son, and mine - it’s their stories which give me hope. He’s getting the help he needs and you may soon start to see slight encouraging changes with the medication. He needs you, so stay strong.
As another parent who has experienced similar, I suggest if you want to visit, do, but keep it very short until he is doing better. At the least sign of distress, just say, sorry, I have to leave now, and make your exit. If there is anything he can have that he would enjoy - maybe a magazine or two - take them for him. Those short visits, and tokens of care can mean a lot.
I have also had to sometimes just call the staff and ask them to relay a greeting - please tell my son I love him and want him to do better - your care is conveyed, but doesn’t provide an opportunity to go off on you.
Its rough, hang in there.
I agree with all of the above.
My son just went into the hospital 2 days ago. I went to visit, but he was pretty beligerent towards me, so I left.
Your son needs some reassurance. Tell him why he is there, and that you can
t take him home yet-but that he can call anytime,and you are not leaving him alone-youre on his side. Even a short visit is helpful
As others have mentioned keeping it brief is probably good advice. In our case that’s what we did during our sons first hospitalization when he got angry or abusive about us committing him. Looking back now I think it provided him some sense of his families love that we were there for him despite his psychotic state and anger at us.
After eight years and several hospitalizations he’s on his meds and lives independently with support from us. He’s told me he now stays on his med’s to stay out of the hospital. His accusations about us calling the cops and being traitors ect are all gone. I think he sees that time for what it was and has moved on. Going through it at the time was absolutely horrible. I know how it feels and am so sorry that you are having to travel these rough waters.
One thing that helped me was the feeling that the hospital personnel were experienced and there to help people get stable. Its still a struggle but things are much better now. My daughter gave us refrigerator magnet during that time, its a quote from Winston Churchill “if you’re going through hell keep going” It seemed to help me at times. It’s still there I see it everyday. Hang in there.
Until he is meds compliant, he stays in the hospital in most cases. Telling him this could straighten him out a bit and calm him down. Meds may have some side effects like bad constipation, dry mouth, ED, little weight gain…But need to take it all to get out of there.
Choice to visit or not is yours. He is still delusional so could just straighten it out. Nope, I’m not a demon.
I would say. We love you. If you continue your medication and participate in groups, you will eventually be able to get of there. We love you and for now that is the safest place for you.
My 29 year old daughter is right now in the hospital by the court order which i initiated.
She knows i put her in the hospital and hates me for that.
She also believes 2 years ago she watched me transform into Cruella de Vil.
While in hospital, started calling me by my name (rather than just MOM), refused talking to me and said she will get a restraining order against me)
I went to the hospital every day anyway even though i had to go home without seeing her.
After the doctor processed the paper work and started her on medication she started seeing me. That’s now just two days and two visits. She still doesn’t call me mom, but she is rather polite and does the small talk. She still has no insight about her condition.
But I know she will remember that i was there every day.
If she comes to her senses, she will know i love her and came daily. If she doesn’t come to her senses, she may think i was there every day "plotting against her"
i hope for the best.