I have been having a real problem with my daughter who is doing well in her life.She has been very resentful with her sister who has sichzio-affective disorder.She is constantly putting her down saying she is playing me.She does not seem to have compassion for her at all .She always has a problem when it comes to things in her life such as when she missed her wedding down South .She is in the medical field and I cannot figure out why she is like this.She has told me she will not be their for her sister when my husband and I pass.She has been sick for many years before her mental illness was diagnosed and I guess much time was spent on her.But she was very sick with fevers all through childhood.Any advice would be appreciated
If you have access to a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Family-to-Family class, or to one of their support groups (NAMI.org), I encourage you to check that out. It would be great if the sister would do that, also. I was in a class that had 3 siblings (of the persons with MI) present, and our daughter (a sibling) wants to take the class at some time (it’s not available where she lives now). I’m sure it is hard for a sibling to feel like they are loved and valued when we spend so much time on the other “sick” child. Perhaps you can do something special for your “well” daughter?
My ill daughter, eldest of 4, has no help from any of her siblings. They believe in “tough love”, “she should support herself” and she should “snap out of it”. (Honestly, I was upset with her when she came back home at 32, ill. I had absolutely no knowledge of severe mental illness and very little sympathy for it. I did the NAMI family to family course and came to understand the situation and gained a compassion I didn’t expect.) My other children have basically disconnected from my ill daughter, they rarely call, visit or pay any attention to her, or even to me. I cannot force them to be any different, anymore than I can force my daughter to change. This illness has destroyed my family and driven off most of my friends (and hers). It is heartbreaking to see the reaction of friends and family on top of the heartbreak of watching my daughter turn into someone else, incapable of living life well. I will try to get guardianship, get her on SSI/SSDI, and try to leave my home to a trust to manage for her. I expect no help from my family or friends. My advice is to take care of yourself, try to find some joys in your life, and be happy for tiny small advances with your loved one’s care.
I realize now that am not alone
No, you are definitely not alone. It is tough to be a caregiver, and only other caregivers seem to understand and support what we are doing.