Hi evryone,
Most of you oldies know my story regarding my son Scott. He continues to do well, we were talking about dating and he said he does not know how if he was to start and tell whoever about be SZ. Any suggestions? He only socializes with family and some close buddies, tho’ thats very rare. He said Mom what am I suppose to say when a girl ask, so where do you work?
Thanks for your input…
Donna
I’m a kid sister of a man who is diagnosed as undifferentiated SZ, and I was dating a guy who was also diagnosed Paranoid SZ. Being a girl, I might tell your son to relax and just talk to us girls. We’re not all scary.
It’s hard, and it’s nerve racking, but just say hello. No slick lines, no bragging, no flash cars, just a nice “hello” is an amazing ice breaker. After that, “how’s your day going?” take it from there.
The guy who I dated got my attention by just being himself. He might have felt more confident because he knew my older brother from and SZ support group. So he knew ahead of time that I wasn’t going to make a big deal out of his diagnosis.
He asked me out just for coffee. Nothing big, and as far as what to say, the first date was just small talk and we went to a used book shop and just used the books to talk about stuff that interested us.
If we’re talking about the “when to tell someone about the diagnosis?”
My brother tells girls straight up on the first date. Sometimes they think he’s joking and then they warm up to him. Sometimes they run away, there are few who are glad to know what is up with my brother and they sticking around.
The guy I dated didn’t really have to TELL me. I met him when I was picking my brother up from an SZ support meeting.
I wish I had amazing 100% home run ideas. But I had this weird thought that if you want to know how to attract a girl, ask a girl. I always wonder why guys ask girl advice from their most unluckiest male friends….
For a few girls… my friends included, having SZ is not a deal breaker. Let him know that Sz isn’t an issue as much as the guy might think. My brother really has no idea how much one of my friends just wants to get her hands on him. She knows his diagnosis full well, I think that helps with the nurturing attraction.
I’m glad your son is doing well. He is taking a normal, scary step into the world. I wouldn’t want to be back into the dating scene. Not sure I ever was any good at it. I think sometimes we over think or worry about things that are actually fairly normal worries. Like not having a job. A lot of people are not working. He can reply with things like: I’m in between jobs, Trying to figure out what I want to do, or just I’m not working right now. Since I’m unemployed and see how busy the malls can be in the middle of the week in the middle of the day can be an indication on how many people are not employed.
My son hasn’t shown an interest in dating yet so I’m trying to think what I would tell him. I’m not sure I would say anything about him telling a girl about his sz diagnoses unless they made it past the first date or two. A lot of people go on first dates and don’t see each other again. If he wants to tell them then I would say good for him. That takes courage. He could write it down on a little card and hand it to her. Wishing him all the best in this.
That’s cute. I’m sure there will be more of that happening.
I dated this girl a few times and we seemed to have something going, I would kiss her goodnight and she seemed to be interested in me, but when I told her that I dont drink or do drugs she completely quit talking to me. I think schizophrenics need people who are mature and dont like to mess with their brains. I started a casual, friendly relationship with a really eccentric girl from my graduating class who I just found out lives down the street, and I think shes interesting but I tried to hold her hand and she didnt go for it.
Dating while schizophrenic takes trial and error, and there is always the issue of telling them that you have schizophrenia. Just like I always say, being schizophrenic is like playing the game of life on super-hard mode.
But its just a numbers game. Keep digging and you might find gold. So many phone numbers and coffees and shit before you find the right one. But i dont know about telling them youre scz right off the bat. Some people confuse it with split personality disorder or think it means youre a psychopath.
I’m an anti-social separate from my schizophrenia, I do socialize anyway with family and relatives sometimes to keep the relations attached, even that I don’t find socializing is beneficial, I’d prefer the company of good books, I only love to socialize with people who have my interest about science and research…If your son can find or meet a bunch of people who share his interests maybe he can be socializing again…I thought of sharing this…good luck