One of the most difficult things to accept when in a relationship (of any kind) with someone suffering from this disorder is that one will rarely get back even a fraction emotionally as one puts in. It’s usually quite the opposite: a caregiver is expected to provide not only attention, love and compassion, but also patiently cope with the many, sometimes hurtful and even horrifying negative aspects of SZ.
I think the unconditional love a parent feels for a child, for example, makes all of this a little easier to bear. In a romantic or friend relationship, no matter how profound, it is harder to accept over the long haul that there just won’t be much in the way of empathy or genuine interest in you, the caregiver, or your problems. Real love is selfless, but we caregivers are also human beings in need of empathy and compassion.
That means if we want to continue providing the emotional support that our loved ones with SZ need, we require other sources of love and emotional support for ourselves. The fact that SZ often leads to isolation, not just of the afflicted but too frequently also the caregiver, means that this support is sometimes hard to find. But we have to try our best, because only if our needs are met can we best meet the needs of our loved ones suffering from this most cruel disorder.
Gosh, you are reading my mind. I have been blessed with my daughter’s recovery, but plagued with my husband’s alcoholism degrading him terribly. I finally admitted I was beaten down and started going to Al-anon 3 weeks ago. I had NO idea that the goal of that group is to help the non-alcoholic (me) and am amazed at the rescue I am feeling as I am no longer trying to “handle” my husband, but to handle myself. I find that I can apply the principles of Al-anon to any problem person or area. Since these meetings are closeby or online, it is way easier to go to them than to the NAMI meetings, which are far from me.
I’m experiencing some of this with my husband, whose progressive dementia is making life increasingly difficult. There are many parallels to SZ. Sometimes can’t believe that I ended up with two of the most important people in my life suffering from such profound, still incurable cognitive disorders. I wish there were a group like this or al-anon for those of us taking care of loved ones with dementia.
Oh my gosh, @kwillkat, you for sure have your hands full. I do hope you can find some self care for you! Perhaps you could try sitting in on an Al-anon group meeting as old-timers involved have shared in meetings that I’ve been to that they apply Al-anon principles to other subjects than alcoholism of a loved one. Dementia scares me, as I believe my husband is suffering from alcohol caused dementia, As you said, dementia of any type seems to have close parallels to sz.
My husband is also showing signs of dementia - it’s getting where I can see it in his face on his more difficult days. Both of his parent had dementia issues that started in their 60’s. At first he told us he was worried that he was having issues, now he doesn’t remember that conversation at all.