Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Standing up to someone with schizophrenia

I’ve done enough for her. It’s not my fault my parents abused her. They abused me too.

I’ve decided to move away from her for good and I want nothing to do with her anymore. It’s narcicisstic envy. Family members shouldn’t scapegoat one child or family member for the schizophrenic to take out their anger on. People need to wake up and confront this bad behaviour instead of throwing people like me under the bus.

Hello wisdom,
Thank you for your support. It’s the only real support I feel that I’ve got. Everyone else seems to enjoy grappling with schizophrenia. As for me, my time is done with it.

It’ll take me a while to let go of this bad relationship, but I’m going to start today to move on from her. She’s a bad bitch. That’s all I will say. This isn’t true for all schizophrenics, but it is true for my sister. She’s played on her illness and given real schizophrenics a bad name. I hate her for that. She’s not shown any sympathy or thought to me and my other sister who have looked out for her, who have cared for her, who have supported her through two hospitalisations.

Thank you for your support. It means a lot to me. There’s far too many people in this world who are content to glamourise schizophrenia instead of looking at the causes for it, and there are obvious causes for it. Address the causes and then you’ll address the illness.

Hi,
Good for you spending all your time learning about schizophrenia. She wasn’t having a psychotic episode when she kicked me. She was fine.

As for me, I’m done. Have fun dealing with schizophrenia for the rest of your life, hopeforus. Hope you enjoy it, you really seem interested in the subject. I wish you and your sick loved one health and hope.
I’m handing in the notice for my flat today, a flat I loved. Hopefully this will be the last time I’ll move and now I can concentrate on the sexual abuse my parents inflicted on me instead of worrying about my sister’s mental illness (which was caused by the same thing might I add).

Continue to post here about how carers should sacrifice their lives for this illness - it’s really good.

YOu say you’re not an expert yet you write as if you are one. Also, you’re not listening to me. Perhaps you enjoy being needed. Do you have any love in your life? I haven’t been able to have a romantic relationship for about ten years because of my sister.

Have you any idea what has caused your son’s mental illness? I know that sexual abuse from my parents and brother caused my sister’s and mine as well (I’ve depression and CPTSD).

Perhaps if you addressed the cause he’d heal. I know some people prefer the comfort of dealing with the schizophrenia instead of dealing with the horror that lurks behind its cause. It’s easier. In the meantime medication can dull the pain until the person is ready to face head on the reason for their pain.

My antidepressants helped me when I was forced to live back home with my parents, the people who abused me sexually, who have never admitted it. I was doing okay, working from home then my sister fell ill with schizophrenia saying the same things about the abuse.

I’ve not only had to deal with my own things, but the burden of her has been dumped on me and my other sister. IT’s all about her. My parents are bad bastards. But because they’re respectable and religous no one says anything. I can’t go to the police because there’s no evidence.

THey prefer that she take her anger out on me because it saves her taking it out on them. Her anger is misplaced. They have caused her schizophrenia by molesting her when she was a baby (they did it to me too). She had an extra ingrediant in that I think she had a sexual relationship with my brother in their early teens. She exaggerates so it’s hard to know the truth.

Perhaps if you can get your son to talk about what happened to him. Indeed though, if you or someone else close to you who you can’t accept has caused his illness, then at the very least you should let him talk to someone else in order to vent it. Apologies if I’m wrong.

Schizophrenia is an illness that is still very badly understood. The symptoms are understood, but that doesn’t matter. The cause needs to be addressed. And people who are victims of incest and sexual abuse, usually from a primary caregiver, develop this illness as it makes them go crazy. It’s completley the fault of the person who did it to them. Completely their fault. And if they’ve any remore in them, they owe it to the victim to let them get counselling about what’s really bothering them instead of going on about schizophrenia as if that’s the whole issue. It’s not. And the sooner families realise that sexually abusing your own kids has severe consequences, the sooner that schizophrenia will die out in in the world.

And if there’s anyone who is currently suffering from schizophrenia right now, know this: It’s not your fault. Open up SLOWLY about what has happened to you. Keep taking your meds as they help you deal with the strong emotions that sexual violence from a mother or father can create, and slowly but surely let it out of you. You DON’T have to spend your life with this label on you. They don’t even know fully what it means. Exasperated psychiatrists came up with the word, “schizophrenia” because they couldn’t understand some people’s illness and they didnt want to admit to themselves about the prevalence of mothers and fathers sexually abusing their own children.

Take courage, and if you’re currently in the care of your abuser, I urge you to seek out an online forum about sexual abuse. I had to live with my abusers and was on antidpressants which helped. But it was a living hell. You don’t have to let the people who abused you get away with it. You don’t have to pretend to be sick to make them feel better for something bad that they’ve done to you. You also don’t have to punish them or lash out. Find a physical outlet for your pent up energy. When someone who we’ve had to live with for years, such as a parent, sexually abuses you, the pent up energy you have to hide away becomes immense. I pray for every schizophrenic who is reading this that yo’ll get better and heal because you didn’t deserve what happened to you. Amen.

No one is saying you should give up your life nor tolerate abuse. We cannot solve all problems. For some people, moving out, moving away, IS the boundary. That is what I’m trying to say. I told my loved one more than once (after hospitalizations) that he could not come home with me because I knew he wouldn’t get better at home. But I also learned how to talk to him in a way that influenced him to eventually become med compliant. I didn’t end the relationship. I was lucky in some ways that many things came together to bring about that transformation. And I wasn’t bring abused by my loved one. If you are looking for approval to leave, you have it from me. But my point is that there ARE ways we can LEARN to help our loved ones get treatment that leads to recovery. We can give up or make the effort to get real support, not just vent on this Forum…which is also something we need but not the only thing we need if we want to have a better life for ourselves and for our loved ones. And I am fortunate to have a loving spouse who is completely involved and supportive in this journey. Best wishes to you, really.

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There’s SO much that you’re dealing with! You must take care of yourself. Counseling to deal with the trauma you have experienced? PTSD can certainly be a trigger (among many) for mental illness. My son is doing wonderfully in recovery. It’s not perfect, but he has a real life and we keep seeing gradual improvement. It is day vs. night from what it once was. (A doctor once called me from the hospital and said “What do you want us to do with him? If he stays here he will die!”) He now has a job and has friends. He volunteers. He exercises and has not gained weight even on an A/P med. I know of other recovery situations as well.Recovery (not cure) IS possible.

It sounds like you’ve decided to move away and live your own life away from you ill sister. In my opinion, that is your right, and if that’s what you feel you must do, then you should do it, as quickly as you can. Perhaps you will find some peace for yourself that way.

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Thank you. She hates me and treats me like absolute crap so there’s nothing else I can do but leave. I can’t make someone like me when they don’t.

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If she won’t let you take care of her, then no, there’s nothing you can do. She is her own adult. So are you. Now you must take care of yourself.

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Of course you can’t. The illness has to be treated first.

I’ve finally made the decision to leave my home and find a place to live that’s at least a long car journey away from her. I immediately feel like a burden has been lifted off me. I never want to see her again. The lazy mental health team can now take over from her absolute madness because I’m done. I don’t want to care for her again, I don’t want to think about her, I never want to see her again. I feel very angry and sad that I’ve been pushed out of my home, but if I stay I’ll end up losing my mind. I know that she’s been ramping up her bad behaviour to get rid of me. She wants to have her big sister away from her so that she can invite lots of men around and have sex with them. I’m done looking out for her. She can do what she wants now. In the Bible, this is called “giving them over to the devil”. She wants a life without me, then she’ll get it. Time to start my own life now.

After eighteen years of dealing with my son’s “treatment resistant” schizophrenia he told me last month of an incident of being raped at 18.
I remember that time well as he tried multiple suicide attempts, had violent rages and severe anxiety. Although he is doing better now on Clozaril now I know that PTSD is a big factor and why he was so treatment resistant.

So I want to ask others here since hermans80 has brought it up - if their loved ones with Schizophrenia have also had sexual abuse or if you suspect they have?

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Donna1 - so sorry for this recent revelation. Tragedy upon tragedy. Of course this is every parent’s worst, darkest fear. Most often our fears are unfounded, but it happens often enough that we’d be fools to dismiss the possibility.

So, no, after thoughtful and intentional consideration, I don’t believe what you bring up was a factor in our son’s illness. But, I’m sure there was other trauma - emotional and physical.

My son was adopted at birth. If you’re interested, Read the Primal Wound, but in summary, and regardless of the amount of love and best intentions, the adoption process creates a wound. And that’s just one of several issues that I’m sure my son faced.

I believe all of life experiences affect our current path, and again I’m so sorry for that additional tragedy in your son’s late teens. And we all need to be empathetic to the struggles that brought our loved one to their illness and current treatment plan.

Regarding, herman80, I know that ‘hurt people, hurt people’. And my heart goes out to all the hurt rained down on her. From so many people in her life. I hope and pray she finds peace and happiness on her journey.

Unfortunately, SZ patients can and do fixate on specific people in their behaviors. The well-known SZ patient that was deluded into thinking she was married to David Letterman was not being manipulative when she refused to believe she was also married to others. Ergo, fixation in and of itself isn’t a helpful filter to eliminate SZ.

Peace and love to all of the hurt and the hurting!

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Hi Donna,
I’m not surprised at all that your son revealed he was raped at 18.
So sorry for him.

Any emotional or physical trauma can trigger a Serious Mental Illness.

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Very well handled!!!

Yes, trauma does create MI if it’s not addressed. It sounds like your sister may also have Personality Disorder. My older sister is like that, suffered incest as a child and has always used me as her scapegoat. Her sibling rivalry is off the charts. She’s high functioning, great in business as she’s a shark.
We don’t have a relationship anymore, thank goodness. Any time I’ve tried to it comes back to bite me. Yet she lies to all the relatives and turns everything around to play victim. Fortunately, my other sister witnessed the last time she was so mean to me and threw me under the bus so she won’t talk to her either. So she’s my only close family.

With my son it’s different. He was the sweetest kid and we were always very close just like my other son. And now that the illness is mostly under control he’s sweet again. I’ve learned how to deal with his occasional flare ups. Mostly he heard voices that scare him. We’ve made pacts when he’s well that if he gets too afraid he asks to go to the hospital. I do give up a lot of my life for him - I don’t have a relationship or date, don’t have much time for myself. If I could live where there were good supports I might just live close to him but not with him. But I don’t.
Take good care of yourself, hermana80. You deserve peace.

Tbh, I’m not a doctor or anything but I think both of these siblings may have a disorder in need of addressing. Lack of empathy can be a huge sign. Just saying.