She only lashes out at me, and my other sister lives with me. She never lashes out at her. She controls her behaviour with the other sister. A domestic violence advisor said she knows what she’s doing if she’s doing it only to you.
Um, hopeforus, I’m not trying to be mean, I’m really not, but sometimes I find that as “carers” or “supporters” we enable this illness instead of trying to grapple with it head on.
It has been a difficult fact for me to face, but I firmly believe that my sister is being purposely malevolent and malicious towards me and it’s not her illness. Perhaps this is the mean streak you were talking about. If she is, she’s giving people with real schizophrenia a very bad name. Her vanity and narcicissm know no bounds, and I’m speaking truthfully here. It’s like society nowadays celebrates those who are aggressive, mean and vain, and anyone who’s soft is seen as the problem. Even in your post all the onus you put is on me - it’s my responsibility to establish boundaries.
I don’t think that you’re an expert on this illness. I’ve still not heard a valid argument here. If she was really schizophrenic, she’d treat everyone with the same paranoia and confusion. I know, because I had a psychotic episode once and it’s nothing like what she’s demonstrating. There is a real malevolence towards me, it’s real, and I don’t think it’s an illness.
I’m writing this because I don’t think that it’s fair to other carers out there. We’re basically sacrificing our lives for someone else and that’s not fair. We get no thanks, no help from anyone. And the thing that annoys me the most, is that I do think, (in my sisters’ case) that a lot of it is put on so that she could get benefits and not have to work.
She’s a horrible person. I don’t like who she’s become. And I want to get away from her, because I don’t like who I am when I’m around her and I don’t like her hitting, punching and kicking me.
I’m planning to leave her in God’s hands now. I’ve seen her through two hospitalisations, and I’ve lived near here for two years now. We both had to get out of bad domestic violent situation with my father and mother and we’ve now both the confidence I believe to live out our own lives.
I’m going to start disengaging myself from her properly now as I firmly believe that if I’m around her anymore that I’ll go insane. She’s a bad person, a really really bad person. I don’t know what I’ve done to her. But I’m not going to waste any more of my life looking after and listening to someone who cares only about herself. It’s difficult to say, but I don’t care anymore what happens to her. She can get lost in the abyss of her own selfishness now. I’ve done enough. I want to be happy and I’m done listening to her go on and on about stuff that just isn’t true. It’s wrong to listen to such garbage every day, and actually to be phsycially threatened if I don’t agree with her.
I’m done. And I think this post is important for other carers out there. You don’t have to pussyfoot and tiptoe around your loved one if they’re making your life hell. No one deserves that. Yes, schizophrenia is awful, but you don’t have to let your loved one take you down with them. For anyone out there who agrees with me, I’d love to hear from you. Hopeforus seems to want me to be miserable. If there’s anyone out there who’s had enough, like me, please DM me. I’d love to hear from you to work out a strategy for leaving your loved one for good. I’ve had enough. Peace. x